|Don't Funk With Me!|
It's times like these great heaven knows, that I wished we had? Some wisdom perhaps? Levity? How about both?!
Here are ten great quotes from one Ms. Amy Schumer to get you over the mid-week blahs!
1) “I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and can catch a dick whenever I want.”
2) “I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say: ‘He's a thinker.’”
3) "That’s the Hollywood secret: Don’t put food in your dumb mouth!"
4) “Make sure he knows that you’re entitled to an orgasm. I like to say it. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, there are two people here.’ I’ll be like, ‘Oh my God, have you met my clit?’”
5) “We have to be a role model for these little girls, because who do they have? All they have really is the Kardashians ... And like, we used to have Khloé. Khloé was ours, right? Whenever there’s a group of women, you identify with one of them … Khloé, she lost half her body weight. She lost a Kendall! We have nothing. I want good role models.”
6) “The other day I was having some wine and some weed and an Ambien. Or, as I like to call it, ‘Tucking myself in.'”
7) “Beautiful, gross, strong, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, sexy, disgusting, flawless, woman. Thank you Annie Leibovitz!”
8) "I'm, like, newly famous, and it turns out it's not fun. Did you guys know that?"
9) “Just as good as the male comics: We put on our pants one leg at a time, just like them. And then we bleed in those pants."
10) “Please, please, take some photos. Isn’t that salad great? I’m wearing the shortest dress, you’re probably getting a photo of my clitoris right now.”
Amy is here for you on Instagram: