Michael's Musings

Come Closer, It Doesn't Smell
Michael Shinafelt

"I wish I was like you...Easily amused" - All Apologies, Nirvana 

It takes a lot to amuse me in the world of entertainment. In life not so much there are so many amusing and amazing people, places & things to engage in the world around us. While I am not one of those overly perky people I am certainly not a pessimist either. I would clarify myself as a realist. 

Life is a series of moments and how you experience them is up to you....time to throw me in the shallow water before I get too deep!

Let's all put on a folk hat and learn something about a foreign culture

Khloe Kardashian & Kylie Jenner are both pregnant. Smells like ratings spirit

Did you know you can purchase Vampire Repellent from Gwyneth Paltrow's life style brand Goop? It's supposed to ward off "Emotional Vampires" - I can save you $100, cut them out of your life. Yeah, it's that simple.

R.I.P. Hugh Hefner you were a true original

Started up yoga again my arms and back are SAF! But it's worth it!

Turns out Tyra Banks is good for something. Whilst trying to treat my dry skin issue I remembered some celebrity had once said they use Vaseline on their face. It works, and the celeb was Tyra.

Vulgarity is an important ingredient of life. F#ck you if you disagree!

Send In The Insane Clown Posse
American Horror Story

No matter what I think about it this season of American Horror Story is certainly the most audacious! 

When someone asks you why the response should always be: Because I can

AT&T needs me to spank them, hard!

What's on my mind? You, you are always on my mind


No one needs squad goals - are you listening Taylor Swift???

Keep Calm and As If...

Pretend I am a cult leader and mindlessly follow me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Hump Day Inspiration: Amy Schumer

Don't Funk With Me!
Amy Schumer

Yeah this week has been a tough one, for me at least. Maybe not all of you, but I bet three quarters of you feel the way I do.

It's times like these great heaven knows, that I wished we had? Some wisdom perhaps? Levity? How about both?!

Here are ten great quotes from one Ms. Amy Schumer to get you over the mid-week blahs!

1)  “I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and can catch a dick whenever I want.” 

2) “I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say: ‘He's a thinker.’”

3) "That’s the Hollywood secret: Don’t put food in your dumb mouth!"

4) “Make sure he knows that you’re entitled to an orgasm. I like to say it. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, there are two people here.’ I’ll be like, ‘Oh my God, have you met my clit?’”

5) “We have to be a role model for these little girls, because who do they have? All they have really is the Kardashians ... And like, we used to have Khloé. Khloé was ours, right? Whenever there’s a group of women, you identify with one of them … Khloé, she lost half her body weight. She lost a Kendall! We have nothing. I want good role models.”

6) “The other day I was having some wine and some weed and an Ambien. Or, as I like to call it, ‘Tucking myself in.'”

7) “Beautiful, gross, strong, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, sexy, disgusting, flawless, woman. Thank you Annie Leibovitz!”

8) "I'm, like, newly famous, and it turns out it's not fun. Did you guys know that?"

9) “Just as good as the male comics: We put on our pants one leg at a time, just like them. And then we bleed in those pants."

10) “Please, please, take some photos. Isn’t that salad great? I’m wearing the shortest dress, you’re probably getting a photo of my clitoris right now.”

Amy is here for you on Instagram: 
https://www.instagram.com/amyschumer/?hl=en

"Spread Your Legs!" Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Where's The Guacamole?!
Khloe Kardashian

"I'm gonna get guacamole up your vagina right now. Spread your legs. Tell her to spread her legs." Kourtney Kardashian to Khloe Kardasian during a food fight involving, duh, guacamole. 

OK, while I am not a rabid Kardashian fan, I do admit to being a casual observer. Define that you say? Well each weeks new episode is the soundtrack to my early morning (I wake up at five) work schedule. In other words one of the shows that is great background noise while I am on the computer. 

That being stated it's quotes like the above one that keep me coming back for more sound bites. It certainly isn't the "drama" and the staged ways it is dealt with. Also I have to admit I have a special fondness for Khloe Kardashian. 

Khloe, always the straight shooter is a woman after my own heart. She is the one I know I could hang with and have a blast as we would be on the same page. Below are fifteen Khloe Kuotes that I have selected that sound like things I say and text to my friends & loved ones. Don't you wish you were on my list of contacts now???

1. “I hear the pitter-patter of a dinosaur.” – On hearing mom Kris Jenner’s footsteps approaching.

2. “Wow my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child.” – On sister Kourtney Kardashian becoming a mom.

3. "Sometimes a b**ch snaps."

4. "It's haunting me for the rest of my life" – On Kim’s song “Jam.”

5. “Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!” – Via Twitter.

6. “Your hair is, like, shorter than a vagina’s bush.” – To mom Kris after a haircut.

7. “I could maybe hit it better if they were black balls.” – To Bruce Jenner, on golfing.

8. “I’m Khloe. My sisters say I am a b**ch.”

9. “Hi Satan!” – Addressing mom Kris on the phone.

10. "Are you going to be a boring whore your whole life?" – To one of her sisters.

11. “Sorry, Sir, I curse a lot.”

12. “I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples— perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life.” – On her sheer X-Factor top.

13. "A little bun in the oven. Your ass is gonna be so big." – On Kim’s pregnancy.

14. "I am gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight."

15. "Don’t go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you."

Keep Up With Khloe at: 
https://twitter.com/khloekardashian
https://www.instagram.com/khloekardashian/