Sh!t Faith Says...!

Faith Choyce

A long time ago in a town known as Los Angeles, CA I went to a comedy show, yeah don't get too excited it doesn't happen that often, that a friend of mine was performing in.

Well what to my wandering eyes did appear but a comedian named Faith Choyce, but damn! Where were the reindeer?!

Faith was the best thing on the bill and I have kept in contact with her ever since. She makes me laugh everyday with her Facebook and Twitter posts, so to entertain and amuse you here is some "Sh!t Faith Says" you have no Choyce!

1) There are some things you should never say out loud to another person, like "I make my own snuff films" or "I don't like chocolate".

2) Hey hipsters! Here's a free baby name for you: Chi-chi, except it's pronounced "Shy Shy". It's glittery, ambiguous, & from the streets.

3) Most male strippers are just paying their way though fireman school.

4) Bacon is like sex; it makes everything more awesome and if you don't like it, it's only because your religion makes you feel weird about it.

5) A great way to not take responsibility for your actions is to scream "I need my insulin!!!" everytime you do something crazy.

6) "Soooo, how's the comedy thing going?" -Horrible question to ask a person in stirrups. #DoctorsWithoutBordersOrBoundaries

7) If Justin Bieber had any fans with upper body strength he'd seriously be able to take over the world.

8) Whoever said "You can't have your cake and eat it too", CLEARLY doesn't understand how cake works.

9) Guys always talk about how they wish they could blow themselves but never mention whether they'd spit or swallow. #AllTalkNoWalk

10) Okay, ladies of the internet, keep pretending that "fiery and passionate" doesn't just mean you're kind of a crazy biznatch.

11) AWESOME GROUPON GUYS, HALF A LIFETIME OF THERAPY FOR ONLY 6 YEARS OF CHILDHOOD MEMORIES. #SharingIsCaring

12) If you think you're young now just remember that in a few years you'll hit on someone who thinks it's really weird you were born in the 1900s.

13) Somewhere, there is an adult working in clear heels whose parents named her Candida. On purpose.

14) When a lesbian runs into an ex and realizes she forgot her name, it's called clamnesia.

15) I had a dream that Shawn was secretly always trying to bang Topanga then my whole childhood came crashing down around me.

You've Gotta Have Faith at:

Website: faithchoyce.com
Twitter: @teamsexydork
Facebook: faith.choyce.1