Michael's Musings

"You're A Thief Of Hearts And Now You'll Have To Pay"
Michael Shinafelt

"Thief of hearts

Bitch!

You'll do it, you'll take it
You screw it, you fake it
Undo it, you'll break it
You're over, you can't take it" - Madonna, Thief Of Hearts

Shout out to Madonna! Her 33 year old song Thief Of Hearts has deservedly gone viral on TikTok. It's off my favorite Madonna album Erotica, I'm glad this gem is finally getting the attention it deserves!!!

My personality is somewhere between Mother Teresa and Mother F#cker, the more you know...

FYI Things aren't getting worse, they are getting uncovered. That's all.

I saw my shadow this morning. Six more weeks of being an a$$hole, that's the way it goes

Cardi B should make a new version of WAP - White Assimilation Puta - and dedicate it to Nicki Minaj

Isn't it time to see gender as a spectrum, and not two opposites? 

Finally went to the historic Tam O'Shanter restaurant in Los Angeles, CA. Walt Disney dined there frequently in the late 20' and throughout the 30's so much it was nicknamed "Disney Studio Commissary. It takes you to a different time and place, not to mention the food was delicious!

Congrats to all of us for making it through the decade of January 2026

Woman Crush of the Week - Addison Rae for her playful take on Marilyn Monroe's dress straight outta The Seven Year Itch at the Grammys. Way to work it!

Remembering when I wanted what I currently have. I'm grateful.

Looking forward to seeing Bad Bunny be a Bad A$$ during the Superbowl half time show this Sunday!!! 

There will be people that tell you to stop and look at the moon. They are important.

Miss Piggy walked so Sabrina Carpenter could run...

It's Thursday February 5th 2026, and aren't you happy?!

Get happy with me here -

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Michael's Musings

If I Was King For Just One Day, I Would Give It All Away
Michael Shinafelt

"I've heard it said or maybe read

Only money makes the world go round
But all the gold won't heal your soul (won't heal your soul)
If your world should tumble to the ground

You say you hunger
For something, you can't get at all
And love is not enough anymore" - Thompson Twins, King For A Day

Fear is boring. Just f#cking go for it, the more you know...

Blocking someone on Social Media isn't enough. They must have lice and crabs too!

Pro Tip: You can say saucy jizz instead of sausages and no one will ever notice, that's all

My dream is to go to a wedding where someone says: NO

I'm going to be wet for hours, think about it, but not too much

Should you happen to fall down drunk pretend you did it to make a snow angel

FYI I read banned books, and aren't you happy???

Seeing Sam Raimi's Send Help tomorrow, I can't wait for his return to the genre that made him famous: Horror 

Woman Crush of the Week - Olivia Wilde, for having two Sundance darlings. Starring in Greg Araki's I Want Your Sex as a dom and directing and starring in The Invite. Way to go!

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior while everyone else just accepted it. You know who you are...

Got a new tattoo on my right forearm, it says: "Tomorrow is never promised"

Punk Rock was right about everything!!!

Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days.

No where did I put that?

Help me find it here:

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Michael's Musings

Lord Of The Wild Things
Michael Shinafelt

"Wild thing

You make my heart sing
You make everything groovy
Wild thing

Wild thing, I think you move me
But I wanna know for sure
So come on and hold me tight
You move me" - The Troggs, Wild Thing

A male witch is called a witch. Not a wizard, not a warlock, not a sorcerer, not a magician. Just a witch...the more you know

Will you be my freak on a leash? Think about it, but not too much

The John Hughes classic "Pretty In Pink" celebrates turning 40 with a return to theaters February 13 -16, yep in time for Valentine's Day

If they want to see you as the villain...Then strike a pose!

Sometimes even a Rock Star like you needs a break, that's all

Veronica Mars is currently on Netflix. Since I've never seen it I decided to give it a go. Yep, I'm hooked!

It's official I've lost 26lbs on my GLP-1. Started at 197 am down to 171, there's that.

Today is the most humiliating day in American History. At least until tomorrow.

Woman Crush of the Week - Rachel McAdams who just got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Looking forward to seeing Sam Raimi's Send Help in which she stars opening next weekend!

"I don't know who I am" and other such dilemmas.

Pro Tip: Tell a coworker they swallowed too many kids and that's why everything that comes out of their mouth is childish. Let me know how it goes...

Dr. Wiggles Weiner Wagon, say that three times fast

They apologized, but I already mailed a piece of their hair to this lady in New Orleans, Ooops!

Consider this a warning: I found you in this lifetime and I will find you in the next.

Let's meet here:

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Michael's Musings

Shiny Happy People
Michael Shinafelt

"Everyone around, love them, love them

Put it in your hands, take it, take it
There's no time to cry, happy, happy
Put it in your heart where tomorrow shines
Gold and silver shine

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing" - R.E.M. "Shiny Happy People"

To think we survived a pandemic for this, that's all

Saw David Lynch's Mulholland Drive again on Tubi. The older I get the more linear the film becomes. IYKYK!

Thought of the Day: Am I polarizing enough?

Speaking of others is easy, facing the battles they have won is another story. Indeed...

I've gotten a tattoo for every decade of my life since my twenties. Currently deciding on what I should get for my 60th. Any suggestions?

FYI I'm done adulting, let's be dragons, the more you know

This is not a safe space for your hatred. You can choke on it. Disrespectfully.

Smile, Laugh, Talk, Drink, Dance, Eat A$$, carry on.

Woman Crush of the Week - Hunter Schafer in the role she was born to play Jules Vaughn. Can't wait for Season 3 of Euphoria to drop April 12th! 

Rewatched some episodes of The Comeback with Lisa Kudrow on HBO yesterday. What a brilliant show!

When a Ford worker is held to a higher standard than the President of the Unites States, discuss.

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are" - Carl Jung

My toxic trait is knowing the truth before I ask because I wanna see how good you lie. What's yours???

I'm feeling quite ______ the blank is yours to fill in

Let's fill it in together here -

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Michael's Musings

"Things That Make You Go, Hmm"
Michael Shinafelt

"Things that make you go, hmm

Things that make you go, hmm
It's the things that make you go, oh, oh, oh
The things that make you go, hmm
Things that make you go, hmm
It's the things that make you go, hmm, hmm, hmm" C + C Music Factory and Freedom Williams

Expect the unexpected then tame that beast

Now who on earth would want to harass poor Dottie Hinkle? IYKYK

Alcohol has taught me when I'm drunk I will walk anywhere. Sober me complains about walking for 10 minutes.

Me walking into 2026 still a bitch. It's a New Year not a miracle.

If today isn't your day remember a year has 365 days, that's all

Always leave when it gets disrespectful, the more you know

Hug me until it stops feeling innocent, that's the ticket

Today's challenge: Say three nice things about Nicki Minaj

Woman Crush of the Week - Amy Madigan for her Critic's Choice win as Aunt Gladys in Weapons. Brilliant! 

It's pretty disgusting that Trump has no achievements of his own that he has to steal another man's memorial

Can't wait for you to have your _____ in my mouth. The blank is yours to fill in

Gavin Newsom proposes renaming all toxic waste  sites after Donald J Trump

Being both crazy and self aware is interesting because I know what I'm about to do is insane but I'm gonna do it anyway, there's that

For those about to seize the day, I salute you!

Seize it with me here -

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Michael's Musings

"Can't stop, comin' in hot"
Michael Shinafelt

"So raise your glass if you are wrong

In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be never be, anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass
Just come on and come on and raise your glass" - Pink, Raise Your Glass

It's Thursday January 1st 2026, and here we're still standing!

Let them hate. Just make sure they spell your name correctly. That's all.

You ain't nobody Lord Voldemort! I ain't scared of you boo!

We all know you've heard of Elf on the Shelf, but have you heard of leaving trans people the f#ck alone?! Asking for a friend.

2025 was a tough year but at least I didn't buy a Labubu, so there!

Rewatching The Bold Type on Tubi. I forgot how great that show is, it really speaks to me

Went and saw Marty Supreme yesterday. What an odd, but completely compelling film.

Expectation is the root of heartache. The more you know. 

Woman Crush of the Week - There's something about Odessa A'zion. Between being on the HBO series I Love LA and being in Marty Supreme I just can't get enough!

Putting a baby in a freezer would kill it, but freezing embryos preserves them. This is why an embryo isn't a baby. Hope this helps.

Saw Ron Howard's Eden on Netflix, it's worth a watch. Not to mention a nice, shall we say head to toe view of Jude Law.

I celebrated NYE on my couch, you?

Never rule out a goal because you think it's unattainable. Be audacious.

I'm celebrating the first day of 2026 with a bang! Hint: read between the lines...

Celebrate with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Today I Turn 60...Happy Birthday To Me!
Michael Shinafelt

I turn 60 today, it's not anything like I thought it would be. It's better! 

Of course I talk to myself. I need expert advice, that's all

You're so weird, don't change

Yesterday I had a Pre-Birthday celebration lunch with my friend Julie at The Cheesecake Factory in Beverly Hills, the more you know

Don't forget getting a tree and decorating it is witchcraft, not to mention all sorts of fun!

What's my favorite Period film? "Carrie" think about it, but not too much

Stop pretending you're not magical, right here, right now

I got a really cool Wicked T-Shirt in the mail from my friend Karen for my Birthday yesterday. It has embroidered Flying Monkeys on it! And aren't you happy? I know I am!!!

Woman Crush of the Week - Amanda Seyfried I love her for standing her ground and refusing  to apologize for calling Charlie Kirk hateful

Speaking of Amanda seeing The Housemaid with her and Sydney Sweeney tomorrow, can't wait!

Gomez Addams was the best television Dad. He had nothing but love and support for his whole family. Fight me.

No one is too old for fairy tales. Trust me at 60 I can honestly state this.

I was today years old when I realized it's called DisnyLAnd because it's in LA and it's called DisneywORld because it's in Orlando

Today I am hitting the historic Bob's Big Boy in Burbank, CA for a Birthday lunch. I've never been and I'm going to get my photo taken with the Big Boy.

Celebrate "Sexy 60" with me here -

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Michael's Musings

"You're A Vile One, Mr. Grinch"
Michael Shinafelt & The Grinch

"You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart's an empty hole! Your brain is full of spiders, You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!" - You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch 

Dear Anyone I offended this year: Work on yourself so you might be spared in 2026, that's all

Never confuse love and pity. I'm terribly sorry I did. The more you know...

Remember if you don't have a chimney Santa will be coming in your backdoor, think about it, but not too much

It's too cold to pull out...stay inside

There's a parallel universe where Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store's speaker system. Indeed.

Karma won't do everything.. Learn to insult people sometimes. 

This week Trump claimed that 300 million Americans died from drugs last year. The entire population of the United States is only 340 million. I believe we'd have noticed.

Other than aiding in losing weight I just found out GLP-1 drugs help with aging of the brain.

Perfect!

Woman Crush of the Week - Aunt Gladys, watched Weapons for the second time and she is even more insidious than the first time 

Loving Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner both wearing orange to the Marty Supreme premiere

Cheers! To the seven Golden Globe Nominations Sinners received. Well deserved! 

BTW In case you were wondering, I ask questions, not permission, that's all you need to know

I'm loving the Spring weather we are experiencing in Los Angeles presently

Guess what? I'm turning 60 a week from today!!!

Join me in celebrating here -

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Michael's Musings

I Can Go For Miles If You Know What I Mean
Michael Shinafelt

"I'm comin' up so you better get this party started

(I'm comin' up, you better)
I'm comin' up so you better get this party started

Get this party started

Makin' my connection as I enter the room
Everybody's chillin' as I set up the groove
Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat
Everybody's dancin' and their dancin' for me"  - Get The Party Started, Pink

"Yes" the party has started Minions! I am turning 60 on December 18th, thus I will be celebrating this milestone all month! Cheers!

Take your life and make it the best story in the world. Don't waste that sh!t. Words to live by.

FYI I manifested, but I also did the f#cking work, the more you know

Sorry I missed church I was busy practicing witchcraft, think about it, but not too much

That time you tried to pronounce the name of your medication, but accidentally summoned Satan...

I'm so festive, I bought a poinsettia for my end table at home, and aren't you happy???

When you think your Door Dash has arrived but it's a Jehovah's Witness, discuss

If they want to paint you as the villain, then strike a pose

Woman Crush of the Week - Sabrina Carpenter for speaking out about the White House using her song Juno, to promote ICE in a video, love her!

The bitches are back! Season 15 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is tonight!!!

BTW Santa Claus just can't deal with your crap right now, so stand back

I'm "doing lunch" today at El Coyote as part of my month long Birthday celebration, that's all

Can someone gift me Alexander Skarsgard with a strategically placed bow on his person for my Birthday?

Got a secret? I can keep it, tell me here -

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Michael's Musings

All I Wanna Do, Is Make A Meal Of You
Michael Shinafelt

"I eat cannibal

Feed on animal
Your love is so edible to me
I eat cannibals

I eat cannibal
It's incredible
You bring out the animal in me
I eat cannibals" - I Eat Cannibals, Toto Coelo 

Happy Thanksgiving Minions!

FYI I can get you on the naughty list, the more you know...

I don't "do" revenge because losing someone like me is enough, that's all

An all new Exorcist is in the works with horror auteur Mike Flanagan at the helm and Scarlett Johansson set to star. I'm in!

How does Godzilla bake his Thanksgiving Turkey? Think about it, but not too much

On this day of feasting remember you need to give thanks and "to serve man" IYKYK  Hint: The Twilight Zone

Saw Wicked For Good yesterday...loved it as much as I loved the first one and that's saying something!

Don't forget to give thanks for the "Slutty Moments" in your life

Woman Crush of the Week - Ariana Grande so good in the first Wicked. We are completely under her spell in Wicked For Good

Sometimes people must be escorted from the VIP section of your life to a regular seat

In case you ever thought differently, I am not a yo-yo! Thank you.

Something I'm thankful for? Jonathan Groff reveals he will be performing in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade without any underwear. Yeah, I'm tuning in just for that!

We were taught to fear witches instead of the people who burned them.. and that is the problem

I'm going to do some major gobbling today, that's all you need to know

Gobble with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Just Step Into My Office
Michael Shinafelt

"I'll be your father figure

I drink that brown liquor
I can make deals with the devil because my dick's bigger" - Taylor Swift, Father Figure

Stop being scared of being disliked by losers, that's all

We are made of stardust, dreams and magic, the more you know

If you are truly wild at heart, you'll fight for your dreams 

We've seen Trump dance. We do not need a ballroom.

Started watching The Beast In Me on Netflix. I am up to episode 5. No spoilers please.

I'm going to start a band called "Torturous Sheriff Bitches" right here, right now

Welcome let's talk about Serial Killers shall we? We shall!

Seeing Wicked For Good this coming Wednesday in IMAX...can't wait!

Woman Crush of the Week - The amazing Cynthia Erivo! I'm looking forward to seeing her as Elphaba again in Wicked For Good.

I for one am intrigued by Sam Raimi's remake of Magic starring Anthony Hopkins and Ann-Margaret. It should be a banger!

"Quiet Piggy" should be on his tombstone

We've been having rain and cooler temperatures in Los Angeles of late. It's been a nice change of pace.

Stop oversharing just because someone was being nice to you, rinse and repeat

"I guess it's about trying to live a life where I'm not contributing to the cruelty in the world" - Jessica Chastain

Bend it like Jessica with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Money Buys Love And A Wild Time
Michael Shinafelt

"He's a personality, enjoying popularity

For making movies Rated X
Posing for a magazine, picture in a limousine
Someone simulating sex
Never thought that he could be
Lonely with his vanity" - Rated X, Pat Benatar

How am I supposed to trust you when you keep running away when I untie you???

FYI If they want to paint you as the villain, then pose, that's all

So Madonna 67 is getting married to her boyfriend Akeem Morris 29. With her money and success why bother with marriage?

Do not feed hallucinogens to the werewolves, the more you know

Caught Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein on Netflix. Great piece of filmmaking! I had a unique reaction to it. It was a meditative experience for me while viewing it.

Note to all premature Christmas decorators. Calm down Mary hasn't even told Joseph she's pregnant yet.

Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name

Rumor has it Zendaya is refusing to do promotional interviews with Sydney Sweeney for Euphoria. IFYKYK.

Woman Crush of the Week - Kerry Washington, I've been rewatching Scandal on Netflix. She's so great anti-hero Olivia Pope.

Pssst! Did you hear?! The Supreme Court declined the case overturning Marriage Equality! Well at least they got this one right.

Before this year ends, you'll rise into a version of yourself you never imagined possible

One week from tomorrow Wicked: For Good opens! I can't wait!

We are made of Stardust, Dreams and Magic. Read that again.

Fact Of The Day: A "Butt Load" is a real unit of measurement equal to 126 gallons, the more you know...

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Michael's Musings

I Want To Feel Your Body
Michael Shinafelt

"Hot and cold emotions

Confusing my brain
I could not decide
Between pleasure and pain

Like a tramp in the night
I was begging for you
To treat my body
Like you wanted to" - Samantha Fox, Touch Me (I Want Your Body)

It's not a walk of shame, it's the "just got laid parade," the more you know...

Whoever came up with "fall back" is evil. It's 4:30 and 10:30 at the same time, discuss

BTW Self loathing is out! We are now hot sluts who love ourselves

Repeat after me: I am moist therefore I am

"Trump filed lawsuits over jokes, tweets and news articles, but not once over any of the countless allegations of child rape. I feel like more people should mention that." - Andrea Junker

Congratulations to the simply irresistible Jonathan Bailey for being the first gay man to be crowned People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive!!!

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll Hurl. That's all

Shout out to Zohran Mamdani, right here, right now

Woman Crush of the Week - Teyana Taylor at the Time 100 event. For being able to pull of this ensemble...the definition of hot! 

Celebrating Prop 50 passing in California! It got my "Yes" vote

I might look like I'm paying attention, but in my head I'm listening to David Bowie

You're about to walk into one of the best and most amazing weeks of your life. Get ready for it.

Looking forward to seeing Die My Love with Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Pattinson tomorrow

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Michael's Musings

One Above And One Below
Michael Shinafelt

"And the sky was all violet

I want it again, but violent, more violent
Yeah, I'm the one with no soul
One above and one below

Might last a day, yeah
Mine is forever" - Hole, Violet

Robert Englund aka Freddy Krueger is getting his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame tomorrow. "Yes" he is getting it on Halloween!

What am I dressing up as for Halloween? The Sexy Devil, naturally. Refer to the image above.

Since it bears repeating I'll say it again: Unhappy people start drama for no reason

When your "Baby Daddy" is a bedbug, discuss...

FYI I identify as a horror movie, the more you know

Today is the best day to play pig games, oink!

Personally I've never met a dude that fantasized about having his own ballroom. He's basically Cinderella's fat, jealous, Bitch of a step-sister.

Saw Bugonia yesterday...amazing and completely unique!

Woman Crush of the Week - Speaking of Bugonia how could Emma Stone not be my "Woman Crush" this week after seeing her brilliant performance in it!

For those who tell me they don't like Halloween? Prepare to get wished into the corn field. IYKYK

Isn't it about that time of the year again where Jesus appears on someone's toast? Asking for a friend

Always remember, never forget: It is what it is, that's all

Writing this column and imbibing in lemon water, I'm so glamorous 😉

Time to put the finishing touches on my Halloween wardrobe

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