Michael's Musings

I Am So Happy That You're Mine
Michael Shinafelt

"Little things that I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind, You were always on my mind" - Always On My Mind, Pet Shop Boys

It's almost here! 9 Days Until Halloween!!! The best day of the year.

Ruin a book title by adding a word: Moby Dick Pic

Please have a seat and wait over there until you are useful, that's all

I've been binging the Creepshow anthology series on Tubi, tis the season after all

Fingers crossed the next viral trend is critical thinking, discuss

Like many film buffs out there I went to see the uncut, uncensored director's cut of Ken Russell's The Devils: MINDBLOWING!

People meet me and say "you're so quiet" nahhh I'm reading you, give me a minute, the more you know...

My Amazon order arrives today, and aren't you happy?!

Woman Crush of the Week - the personification of Halloween The Mistress of the Dark: Elvira and her pumpkins!

Feeling an El Coyote trip in the near future. It's the famous Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles where Sharon Tate ate last before her untimely passing

Wisdom: Step your pu$$y up, think about it, but not too much

I can't remember where I placed my Zuni Fetish Doll IYKYK 

October is my favorite month ever for a myriad of reasons, one of them is it always feels like a reboot of self for me

Time to motor, got a plethora of things to take care of in Hollywood today

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Michael's Musings

Vote Early!
Michael Shinafelt

"Maximum big surprise she knows something new
I pull my shirt off and pray
I'm saving myself to suffer the heat wave
Pull my shirt off and pray

We're coming up on re-election day, aw" - Election Day, Arcadia  

Here are some election tips: Vote early (as you can see I did) if possible put your ballot in a drop box rather than mailing it, for obvious reasons. Now just do it!

Please don't mess with me, I'll dig your granny up and use her as a Halloween decoration, tis the season after all

BTW Nudes are overrated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you aren't dumb. The more you know...

Even The Twilight Zone isn't this f#cked up, think about it, but not too much

I know I'm late to the game just started binging Only Murders in the Building. What a well done, fun show Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez make the perfect trio.

John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) just received a 30 minute standing ovation from me in my bedroom after viewing it for the 100th time. 

I refuse to feel shame for embracing my _______ nature. Time to own it Minions, the blank is yours to fill in

Can't wait to see the restored, uncensored, director's cut of Ken Russell's The Devils tomorrow. I love this film and am excited the see it the way it was meant to be seen.

Woman Crush of the Week - Vanessa Redgrave who plays Sister Jeanne a sexually obsessed nun in The Devils. There is no one else who cold have pulled this off, she's amazing!

Reminder Horror Fans (like me): Crystal Lake the Friday the 13th prequel series drops today on Peacock.

Remember your first visit to a Haunted House? I do...

Things that make you go hmmm...a 22 year old model got a nose job so her future kids will inherit her new nose not her "ugly nose"

Hitting The Horror Show Exhibition at the Academy Museum sometime in the next couple of weeks

I'm craving a Goldburger presently, yummy!

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Michael's Musings

We've Met Before, Haven't We?
Michael Shinafelt

Boo! Hello Minions! As you know it's my favorite time of the year October, not least because of Halloween happening all month long. I am a hard one to give a good scare to, or to get creeped out over something, But it does happen on occasion. 

Thus the photo above is a homage to Robert Blake as "Mystery Man" in David Lynch's Lost Highway. Every time he appeared on screen a sense of dread and fear washed over me. It was one of those lightning in a bottle experiences, the images of him still haunt me to this day. That's all...

Just found out that female penguins will exchange sex for nice rocks. So if you're having a sh!t day, just remember that hooker penguins exist

Did one of those which Halloween character are you things online. Turns out I'm Annabelle, go figure

Hitting the 50th Anniversary Screening of Carrie at Hollywood Forever Cemetery this Saturday. Can't wait to see the ending in that setting! IYKYK!!!

I love how in horror movies the person yells out "Hello?" as if the killer is gonna yell out, "In the kitchen, want a sandwich?" 

BTW if you believe forcing God into schools will improve morality, I'm gonna need you to explain why it didn't work in your church...I'm waiting!!!

Saw a great indie revenge film called Violation on Tubi. It's definitely has it's own unique POV and well worth watching.

While Googling, very few letters are as important as the "R" in Gary Oldman, think about it, but not too much

Did you know Charles Manson and Ted Bundy were lovers on the Titanic, it's true - Ryan Murphy, probably

Woman Crush of the Week - The Queen of Spooky Season Sarah Michelle Gellar not just for Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Helen Shivers from I Know What You Did Last Summer is iconic as well. Were not worthy!

The only difference between "Religion" and "Superstition" is the spelling. The more you know.

Who's the biggest slut in the pumpkin patch??? Tell me

Repeat after me: "I'm too amazing to be someone's unsure thing" 

"I wish the world thought more like a gay man" - Shannen Doherty 

Parting Thought: What kind of creatures do you see in your dreams when you take off brand melatonin???

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Michael's Musings

Like An Angel On A Balcony
Michael Shinafelt

"Afterglow in a distant row

The door is open and the lights are cold
The children come in here and they dare the ghost
Like a fire burning in a stone" - Angels On The Balcony, Blondie 

Hello October my favorite month of the year!

FYI I put threesomes on my resume so they know I work well with others

Been revisiting Murder House the first season of American Horror Story on Hulu. The show certainly started off strong, that's all.

Breaking News: Dog can't believe guy she hooked up with 10 years ago is now head of the FBI

Only 30 days until Halloween...!!! In case you didn't get it, "Yes" I love Halloween!

The fastest way to kill a good idea is asking too many people what they think about it

My BF asked me to start calling him daddy, so now when we argue I yell "You're not my real dad" think about it, but not too much

I may regret this decision but "Yes" I am seeing Verity on Friday. Hoping for something fun and escapist

Woman Crush of the Week - Speaking of Verity, Dakota Johnson who plays Lowen Ashleigh in it. This should be fun!

Also speaking of Verity Josh Hartnett is looking mighty DAF lately

Tis the season to watch John Carpenter's Halloween over and over again

I'm sure Kylie Jenner doesn't feel guilty on her private jet, your plastic straw is fine, the more you know...

Celebrating the first day of October doing yoga at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, how fitting

Where is Art The Clown when you need him? 

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Michael's Musings

I Was Justified When I Was Five
Michael Shinafelt

"So you say it's not okay to be gay, well, I think you're just evil

You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

F#ck you (F#ck you), f#ck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So, please don't stay in touch" - F#ck You, Lily Allen 

Tonight's the night...American Horror Story Season 13 premieres with all the OG's returning. Can't wait to see what they do with it!

Pro Tip: Always wave at people who missed the train, the more you know

Someone just called me a c#nt. I needed that, I thought I lost my spark

Tis my favorite season Spooky Season...Indeed

Aren't you glad Taylor Swift decided to be a pop star and not the Zodiac Killer with her little riddles? Discuss...

Be art, confuse people. You are meant to be explored, not understood

Finally caught Sofia Coppola's Marie Antionette with Kirsten Dunst on Netflix...Loved It!

Behavior is not character. You can change how you speak, the way you move, they way you dress; that doesn't mean that's who you are, that's all

Woman Crush of the Week - Jessica Lange, the Queen of American Horror Story is back to reclaim her throne!

Mike Clifford drops the video for his cover of Herman's Hermits "There's A Kind Of Hush" tomorrow on YouTube

When your computer goes down on you, think about it, but not too much

Here's a compromise: Print out the unredacted Epstein Files and tape them to the Kennedy Center. Boom! His name will be all over the place

Turned Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story off on Netflix after 3 episodes. That's all you need to know.

In case you haven't gotten the memo, I'm back in full B!tch mode, buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride!!!

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Michael's Musings

Are We Gonna Let The Elevator Bring Us Down?
Michael Shinafelt

"Let's go crazy

Let's get nuts
Let's look for the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck
Let's go" - Let's Go Crazy, Prince 

If you live long enough you will become your authentic self, that's all

Be delusional, be hopeful, dream big, why the Hell not?!?!

FYI Summer is over, Labor Day has passed, release the bats

Got my ticket to see the restored director's cut of Ken Russell's The Devils opening day on October 16 first matinee, and aren't you happy???

Revisited Peggy Sue Got Married starring Kathleen Turner and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. It lands different when you are older, a wonderful film.

Everyone has that one friend who can turn any conversation into something dirty. I am him.

Trump announces that if the GOP retains control of Congress, he will send you 10 CDs for just one penny!

Had a McChicken at McDonald's for the first time in forever last night, and I liked it

Woman Crush of the Week - Kathleen Turner who was nothing short of amazing in Peggy Sue Got Married. Fact: she did receive an Oscar nomination for Best Actress for her performance.

It ain't got a thing, if it ain't got that sling! Think about it, but not too much

Congratulations to Jean Smart for winning an Emmy for her performance as Deborah Vance for all five seasons of Hacks

I need a Tom Hardy fix and I need it now!!!

Have a problem with me? Text me. If you don't have my number you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me

Kash Patel is most likely in some bar presently pounding wild turkey. He might also be having a drink. The more you know.

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Michael's Musings

You Make Me Hard When I'm All Soft Inside
Michael Shinafelt

"I come along, but I don't know where you're taking me

I shouldn't go, but you're wrenching, dragging, shaking me
Turn off the sun; pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you

You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug" - The Perfect Drug, Nine Inch Nails

Due to personal reasons I am evil now, that's all you need to know

Marked Safe from  being renamed by Donald Trump today

All the boys love Mandy Lane, there's that 

Here's hoping Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story kills it (literally and figuratively) I am perpetually fascinated by her

If you believe kids are getting gender transition surgery at school, you are too stupid to vote, that's all

I am strong, I am unbothered, I am hot and aren't you happy?!

PS if you're feeling a sudden calm, it's because I took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill

Did you hear? South Park is changing it's name to South America for Season 29 to mock Trump, I love those guys!

Woman Crush of the Week - The newly monikered Miley and her hot new single Bass Persuades. Obviously I am a fan!

Here's an idea...A lesbian remake of Brokeback Mountain called Beaver Creek Valley. Think about it, but not too much.

In other news: Jaclyn Smith says Charlie's Angels costar Tanya Roberts asked her to have a threesome, the more you know...

Always remember, never forget: "You're just a hole for daddy" discuss

I'm a big fan of my attitude

I'm a Sagittarius wanna know the things that make me happy?

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Michael's Musings

My Demons Would Bend Yours Over, Cheers!
Michael Shinafelt

"Traveling through space and time

Interstellar helix unwind
Don't forsake or the love will die
Don't forget your love, alright
On the spiral light, we fly
We will be one, we will be divine
All the spirits, they all intertwine
Don't forget that" - Good For The Soul, Madonna 

Remember where you're standing was once the goal, indeed.

Congratulations to Olivia Rodrigo on the success of her Daisy Chain Fields festival which gave 20 million to women's causes, Bravo!!!

They say the machines of the future will be as smart as people...OK, but which people? Because that matters quite a bit

FYI Kale has negative calories because it's caloric count is less than the energy expended throwing it up, the more you know...

The weather has finally cooled down in Los Angeles. "Yes" it's nice to be able to walk to the corner store without feeling you are going to collapse from the heat

To the person or persons who vandalized Dolly Parton's star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Cretin(s)!!!

Caught the Meta black comedy Rotting Under The Sun with Sebastian Silva and Jordan Firstman as exaggerated versions of themselves on Mubi. It was fun and quite shall we say gay, that's all

You don't have to worry about me cheating the only thing I do behind your back is stare at your

ass

Woman Crush of the Week - Evan Rachel Wood for her for knockout performance as Liz Schaffer on The Shards

BTW I'm a Sagittarius and I can't take advice from someone whose life I wouldn't want, think about it, but not too much

Today I have to wait around for a Fed-Ex package to show up, and aren't you happy???

Driving to your stupid job every day because society refuses to collapse, discuss

Unlucky: 6th grader flunks Geography after Trump renames everything in the middle of the exam, there's that

Should I use my powers for good or evil today? Hmmm

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Michael's Musings

 

Don't Point That Thing At Me Unless You Plan To Shoot
Michael Shinafelt

"You won't escape alive

Of what's become your life
Stop crying like a child
You got what you want!" - Harder You Get, Scissor Sisters

Do you give "Good Vibes?" Asking for a friend...

FYI I have resting "F#ck That" face, you???

Rest In Power Dolly Parton you were loved by everyone

Funny how voter fraud was never a real crisis for 250 years, until a fraud became president

A man tried to yell at me today but I'm Gen-X and the eldest son, so now he's crying in his wittle car in the parking lot, that's all

Pennywise and Frank-N-Furter have left the building RIP Tim Curry

That's interesting...think about it, but not too much

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose" - Dolly Parton 

Woman Crush of the Week - Leah Remini joining The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for the upcoming season, she's exactly what the show needs!

Indulged myself in a gin martini and some calamari at Found Oyster last night, delicious! The more you know...

Worst thing about a heat wave other than the obvious? When you have your A/C on full blast and feels like it's not helping any

"I don't fear death, I try to avoid it, as I think we all do" - Tim Curry

It's hard to watch all these beautiful things be carried away by time and see the wrong things growing in their place.

You know the saying "Be the change you want to see in the world?" do that even more

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Michael's Musings

I've Got A Dirty Mind
Michael Shinafelt

"You stare are you looking at me

Or just an image from your colour tv
Dollar signs and neon lights
Shine on the people every night
I'm going down to the river to wash my sins away
But they'll be back tomorrow anyway
I've got a dirty mind
I've got a dirty mind
Take a look at yourself
I've got imagination
I got hallucinations
Do you want some?" - Dirty Mind, Shakespear's Sister 

I shaved my balls for this?! "Yes" this is for me to know and you to never find out. That's the way it goes!

POV: If you love someone let them go, if they come back, it means no one liked them, so let them go again...

On a personal note I am enjoying Stassi's new "reality show" House Of Stassi, especially how it breaks the fourth wall

It's going to be a mere 87 degrees in Los Angeles today, down from 91 yesterday, ugh!

Almost quit drinking wine, but then I thought about the people who work for the wineries in order to feed their families...Cheers!

Does anyone know of someone who does witch stuff? Asking for a friend

Saw Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma last Friday. Run in your underwear to see it!!!

"Anybody know how that a$$hole grew his ear back" - Vincent van Gogh 

Woman Crush of the Week - Hannah Einbinder of "Hacks" fame who looks quite fetching in her underwear in "Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma" 

As you mature, you realize nothing is ever a loss. It's either redirection, protection, or a realization.

RIP - Hayden Panettiere your portrayals of Kirby Reed and Juliette Barnes will always be iconic to me

Does anyone share my love of jalapeno peppers on pretty much everything?

It's cinnamon, not fireball, that's all...

90 plus degree temperatures and over 50% humidity is why we can't have yoga outside anymore. First world problems.

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Michael's Musings

Gotta Get Up, To Get Down
Michael Shinafelt 

"I won't bore you with the detail, baby

I don't even wanna waste your time
Let's just say that maybe
You could help to ease my mind
Baby, I ain't Mr. Right" - Fastlove, George Michael 

Always say yes to a quick 30 minute drink with your bestie. those 90 minutes could be the best 3 hours of your life 

Frank-N-Furter said it best: Don't dream it, be it! 

Your past doesn't need you anymore. Your future does. The more you know...

Karoline Leavitt leaving the White House to spend more time lying to her family 

The humidity in Los Angeles has been quite grotesque of late, discuss

I love DeSano Pizza...that's all 

Why would one go to an AA meeting when they are not an anonymous alcoholic, but a well known one? I ask you??? I'm waiting...

Granny had two passions in life. LSD and ducks. And aren't you happy?!

Woman Crush of the Week - with Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma playing how could it not be the amazing Gillian Anderson??? 

I can't get enough of the Madonna/Kylie Minogue collab Love Sensation! The lyric video is resplendent!

Sagittarius Thought of the Day: I choose to play stupid but trust me, I know everything you think I don't 

America is becoming a torture chamber for smart people, think about it, but not too much

Put the lime in the coconut and ________ That's correct fill in the blank, do it and do it now!!!

Having my pre-colonoscopy screening appointment today. Hope it all comes out OK

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Michael's Musings

"I really get a dirty mind
Whenever you're around"
Michael Shinafelt

"There's something about you, baby

It happens all the time
Whenever I'm around you, baby
I get a dirty mind" - Dirty Mind, Prince

Friendly reminder, August is National Dog Month

Happiness is submission to GODzilla, think about it, but not too much

May your anger turn into a fart and leave your body, have a nice day!

What do you think of The Shards? I viewed the first two episodes last night and am enjoying it. I also lived through the 80's so the math makes sense on this.

The Universe says: There's so much peace in knowing that you will not miss out on what's meant for you. Relax a little.

What's the difference between Vietnam and Iran? Trump had a plan to get out of Vietnam

Long live Dana Bash! IYKYK

Creativity is what happens when life moves through you without resistance, indeed

Woman Crush of the Week - Since The Shards is on my mind Kaia Gerber, what beauty

Crack that whip, that's all...

Sometimes you have to hug people you don't like so you know how big a hole to dig in your backyard

My circle of friends is now extremely small, it's not even a circle anymore. It's a dot.

Craving some Tex Mex, right here, right now

In other news this column was brought to you by Cabernet Sauvignon 

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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

"You're just like me, you're out your mind

I know it's strange, we're both the crazy kind
You're tellin' me that I'm insane
Boy, don't pretend that you don't love the pain" - Sweet But Psycho, Ava Max

Friends are like balloons, sometimes you blow them. 

Discipline: Think before every thought

This rum and coke tastes like everybody wants to know my opinion about ______ the blank is yours to fill in

Cannibalistic jellyfish with disappearing anus are terrorizing Venice waters...the more you know

I hate doing laundry, that's all

FYI Sagittarius is the worst sign to argue with, trust me I know and you have been warned. 

Seeing Greg Araki's I Want Your Sex tomorrow with Olivia Wilde & Cooper Hoffman, looks provocative and fun!

You've walked through fire, don't flinch at sparks, discuss

Woman Crush Of The Week - The unflappable Kaitlin Collins, for her pull no punches journalism

MAGA is just Scientology for broke ass racists 

When you know who you are, you don't need to prove it

Had lunch on the patio of my favorite West Hollywood restaurant Marix yesterday and aren't you happy?!

Imagine, if you will an ancient fairy tale still used for fear, indoctrination and oppression. Think about it, but not too much

Chatting with AI will never beat chatting with a gay guy

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