Michael's Musings

"I Wanna Feel You From The Inside"
Michael Shinafelt

"You let me violate you

You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

I broke apart my insides
(Help me) I've got no soul to sell
(Help me) the only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself" - Closer, Nine Inch Nails 

Me At Home: I need to go out! Me Out: I knew I should have stayed home

I guess my retirement plan should have been storming the Capitol on January 6th and waiting to get compensated

Young man sues parents for $150k for naming him "Gaylord" the more you know

Reading is cool, that's all

Make good movies or die, think about it, but not too much

Looking forward to seeing Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma starring Gillian Anderson and Hannah Einbinder, it got raves at Cannes!

Is anyone out there a Law & Order: SVU fan like me? Last week's season finale was a banger

Imbibing in lemon water while writing this on my computer, and aren't you happy???

Woman Crush of the Week - The legendary Cher who crossed a milestone and turned 80 yesterday...Believe!

Don't you dare forget who the f#ck you are. You've walked through fire. You don't flinch at sparks.

You are someone's reason to _______ the blank is yours to fill in. I know what I inserted, ask me if you like

FYI don't write long E-mails, I'm not going to read them, I said what I said

T.W.A.T. = There We Are Then

I have lust in my heart today...

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Michael's Musings

Shake Your Booty
Michael Shinafelt

"Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake your booty, shake your booty
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty, shake your booty" - KC and the Sunshine Band, (Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty

I Loved Being Judged By People I Never Want To Be Like

So if they're using Aliens to distract us from the Epstein files...does that make this Alien vs. Predator? 

RIP Pioneering Jason Collins, the first openly gay NBA player, his legacy will live on

I beg your finest f#cking pardon, that's all

OK, boots start walkin', think about, but not too much

Let's engage in some whimsy shall we? We shall!

All my traumas get converted into swag, and aren't you happy???

Why do you want to take away people's rights away? That's weird

Woman Crush of the Week - Taraji P Henson she tells like it is and she looks hot in a suit

"I'm sick of hearing history will judge them. Judge them now" - Jasmine Crockett

That's it, taste the rainbow!!!

Went to Marix in West Hollywood, CA for lunch yesterday had to have my quota of kick ass margaritas

Rob Who? IYKYK

Today I will try something new

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Michael's Musings

"Hit Me With Those Laser Beams"
Michael Shinafelt
Photo:
https://www.instagram.com/johnmar/

"Relax, don't do it

When you want to go to it
Relax, don't do it
When you want to come
Relax, don't do it
When you want to suck it, chew it
Relax, don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Relax

Everything can be a sign if you're crazy or horny enough, think about it, but not too much

Caught The Devil Wears Prada 2 this past weekend. IMO it's better than the first, it's a more fully realized movie

I crave souls, but tacos will do for now, that's all

Speaking of tacos, how was your Cinco de Mayo? I spent mine at the world famous El Coyote. Why is it world famous you might ask? It's where Sharon Tate last dined for starters.

When your birthstone is a crack rock, discuss...

The Met Gala was. 

My mantra while writing: Write. Revise, Scream a Little. Repeat. 

FYI you will survive but you will become someone else

Woman Crush of the Week - Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada 2, she gave us a more layered and complex Miranda Priestly this outing...resplendent! 

PS I had dirty thoughts about you. I hope you felt them.

When children are shot in their classrooms, all politicians can offer are thoughts and prayers. When a shooting happens near them, they demand a $350 million golden ballroom to protect themselves.

It's never too late for coconut pie, the more you know

RIP Pioneering mogul Ted Turner 

Yes, I'm going to the gym today

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Cinco de Mayo!

Michael Shinafelt & Shauna Waters

Happy Cinco de Mayo Minions!

This is me and my niece Shauna celebrating at the world famous El  Coyote in Los Angeles, CA.

"In Mexico, we never forget; we always remember those who fought for freedom on Cinco de Mayo." — Monica Ortiz

Cinco de Mayo on Wikipedia -

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_Mayo 

Michael's Musings

"This Is Your Burial"
Michael Shinafelt
Photo: 
https://www.instagram.com/johnmar/

"Don't come closer

I'll push you further
I'm mesmerizing
A brutal lover" - Anne Hathaway, Burial from Mother Mary

Saw Mother Mary last Friday, loved it! It got under my skin and into my psyche, I can't stop thinking about it. 

FYI only whores can see this column, the more you know

Generation X Defined: Currently 45-60. Currently looks 30-40. Will throw hands. Words can't hurt us. Great work ethic. Zero tolerance for stupidity. TRUTH!

In case you aren't aware The Devil Wears Prada 2 opens tomorrow, there's that

That's so moral majority, think about it, but not too much

Last week's episode of Euphoria was hilarious! IYKYK

Happy Birthday to the legendary Ann-Margret who turned 85 on Tuesday

Imitated, but never duplicated, discuss...

Woman Crush of the Week - Michaela Coel in Mother Mary, mesmerizing and amazing!

Loving The Comeback! Lisa Kudrow and the rest of the cast are amazing! I'm 100% sure AI isn't writing the show (wink)

There's always a rumor about everyone, that's the way it goes

Be kind, but keep a little attitude tucked away for flavor

The Madonna/Sabrina Carpenter collab Bring Your Love drops today, and aren't you happy???

So what's your kink?

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Michael's Musings

"You've Just Crossed Over Into...The Twilight Zone"
Michael Shinafelt

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call "The Twilight Zone" - Rod Serling, The Twilight Zone

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable. Please take them off.

Just looking for love. And a million dollars. Maybe a taco. And some tequila. The more you know...

Seeing Madonna and Geena Davis reunite at Coachella is in a league of it's own

One fan theory I hope is true about this season of Euphoria is that Jules Sugar Daddy is Nate and that is why he is having money problems. 

Evolve or Die, that's all

Hey, call me when you resurrect. I'm waiting. 

Anne Hathaway used one of my favorite words on The Devil Wears Prada 2 red carpet "resplendent" 

Are the aliens here? Did Christ come back? Asking for a friend.

Woman Crush of the Week - Alexa Demie as Maddy Perez on Euphoria. She's one of this seasons MVP's, Cassie better watch her back! 

Make your weird light shine bright so other weirdos know where to find you

Why are there no peanut butter fish? Think about it, but not too much

Next week's reading will come from the Book of Django Unchained...and aren't you happy???

Robert De Niro calls Ariana Grande the single funniest scene partner he's ever had. The more you know.

Adulthood is dumb, Nobody asks me if I want to come outside and play anymore.

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Michael's Musings

Groundbreaking...
Michael Shinafelt

"Yes, serve a little sass

Yes, with a little side of ass
Yes, got the front row screaming
Okay (Okay), okay (Okay)
Yes, do a little twirl
Yes, let 'em know I'm that girl
Yes, Monday through Sunday
I can turn a dance floor into a runway" - Lady Gaga & Doechii, Runway from The Devil Wears Prada 2

Be with someone who makes you want to be a better freak. I said what I said.

Madonna will release Confessions II her follow-up to 2005's Confessions on a Dance Floor on July the 3rd...Three words: I Can't Wait!!!

Fun Fact: Ozzy Osbourne was once named the nation's favorite ambassador to welcome aliens to Earth

Boobytrap spelled backwards is Partyboob, the more you know...

Hey, you look like someone who eats bananas for the shape, not the taste

I am very intrigued by the film Mother Mary, definitely on my must see list!

Don't bite the hand that fingers you or whatever the saying is

LA is a city where errands feel like side quests with time penalties, TRUTH!!!

Woman Crush of the Week - Teyana Taylor slaying is this look at Coachella, that's all.

F#cking up is so much better than not trying, Indeed...

The economy is so messed up. You buy some groceries and and it feels like you're being irresponsible with money

Religion is a smart business idea. They sell an invisible product, and if it doesn't work, they blame it on the customer

Supporting another person's success will never ruin yours, think about it, but not too much

I love the smell of lemon water in the morning, there's that

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Michael's Musings

My Baby's Got A Secret
Michael Shinafelt
Photo:
Jesse Merrell

"Happiness lies in your own hand

It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me

Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over me
My baby's got a secret" - Madonna, Secret

F#ck normal, I want magic, that's all

Things Cardi B says: "If you support Trump, don't listen to my music" there's that

No substance that has ever been used was abused. It was loved.

Even though the reviews have been not so good overall, I can't wait for the season three premiere of Euphoria this Sunday! Who's with me???

To the victors belong the squirrels, think about it, but not too much...

Karoline Leavitt actually said, "It's hard for President Trump to make key decisions on Iran when he doesn't have enough intelligence." No lies detected for a change.

A dozen roses, what could possibly go wrong I ask you?

My current obsession is Denise Richards face lift. It's a masterpiece!

Woman Crush of the Week - Hunter Schafer slaying on the red carpet for the premiere of Euphoria season three.

Scream 8 is going to be coming our collective way. That's what happens when Scream 7 made over $200 Million. You can't keep Ghostface down!

Who else is loving season three of The Comeback? ✋

My friend Scott brought over some cranberry scones, yep I had one for breakfast...delicious

What's your favorite Alfed Hitchcock film? Mine is Psycho because it made the most impact on me

BTW I have an agenda, that's the way it goes

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Michael's Musings

I Never Try Anything, I Just Do It!
Michael Shinafelt

"We don't need no education

We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher, leave them kids alone

Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall
All in all, you're just another brick in the wall"  - Pink Floyd, Another Brick In The Wall, Part 2

So, I'm supposed to pay taxes while Army helicopters do a fly-by at Kid Rock's house just for giggles?! Get bent!

Hope Kristi Noem and her crimes against humanity, have fun motorboating her husband now that her schedule is free

Learn the rules like a pro so you can break then like an artist - Pablo Picasso 

Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness, that's all

Binged Something Very Bad Is Going To Happen on Netflix...loved it! It goes unexpected places to great comedic and horrific effect.

What a lame planet no fairies, no mermaids, no dragons...just bills and annoying people

Beware of the people in apartment 3A, the more you know

I just realized Tesla is the modern version of Christine, and aren't you happy?!

Woman Crush of the Week - Tura Satana star of the Russ Meyer opus Faster Pussy Cat! Kill! Kill! saw the documentary Tura about her on Tubi, what a fascinating, not to mention fierce woman!

Pet the chicken, that's correct, I said pet the chicken

Only a few care...the rest are just curious to find your weakness, that's all you need to know

Can't wait to see The Drama with Zendaya & Robert Pattinson tomorrow!

FYI I love brie on water crackers, there's that

And now for my next trick...

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Michael's Musings

Let's Have A Black Celebration!
Michael Shinafelt

"I look to you, how you carry on when all hope is gone

Can't you see?
Your optimistic eyes seem like paradise to someone like me
I want to take you in my arms
Forgetting all I couldn't do today

Black celebration
Black celebration
Tonight

To celebrate the fact
That we've seen the back Of another black day" - Depeche Mode, Black Celebration

Wanna buy a snake? All the cool people are doing it

I'm so happy that The Comeback on HBO, well came back for a third and last season! I love that show!

I bought a six pack of toilet paper at Trader Joe's yesterday, and aren't you happy?!

F#ck this sh!t! Let's make mistakes tonight and go to therapy tomorrow, that's all

I know I'm late to the table on this but I started binging Eastsiders on Netflix last night. IYKYK

FYI If you seriously think protestors are being PAID to march, why not pretend you're a protestor, sign up to get paid, capture the payslip, then expose the whole thing? I'll wait...

"Why don't you come in, big boy, and pick a few flowers" - Valerie Perrine as Honey Bruce in Bob Fosse's Lenny, Rest In Power Miss Teschmacher 

Do yourself a favor and check out singer Mike Clifford's rendition of Sting's "Fields Of Gold" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOeVDyaIwbs 

Woman Crush of the Week - Zendaya for bringing it while promoting "The Drama" Love her and can't wait to see the movie when it opens next week!!!

In this bag I hold my patience, the bag is very light. Think about it, but not too much.

Take me to the art museum and ______ me in the bathroom. Go ahead fill in the blank, I dare you

Just because a doll is possessed doesn't mean it doesn't have a point, the more you know

People love to talk sh!t when they can't control you, indeed...

I'm gonna rock down to Electric Avenue 

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Truth!

Michael Shinafelt
At:
Cocina Vino, Silverlake, CA

Some people will tell you I'm the nicest guy in the world. While others will tell you I'm a complete a$$hole. 

Believe them both. They got the version they deserved.

Think about it, but not too much.

Have a groovy Sunday Funday!

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Michael's Musings

The Bitch Is Back!
Michael Shinafelt

"I entertain by picking brains

Sell my soul by dropping names
I don't like those, my God, what's that?
Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back
(Oh-oh-oh)

I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is back
Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch 'cause I'm better than you
It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh-oh-oh" - Elton John, The Bitch Is Back

I want to take everything that's supposed to be mine, that's all

Taco Bell is now the only place you can get gas for $2.49, the more you know

Where's my Oscar for acting like everything is fine??? Bueller, Bueller...

Speaking of the Oscars big props to Amy Madigan for her win portraying Aunt Gladys in Weapons, bravo!

Pleasure is a radical act, think about it, but not too much

My favorite conspiracy theory? Someday you will ache like I ache 

Heads you hit me, tails you kiss me

If life gives you lesbians make lesbianade 

Woman Crush of the Week - Demi Moore because at 63 years young she is still slaying! Seen here at the Oscars this past Sunday.

Tomorrow is the official first day of spring, boing!!!

A customized prenup was part of the Oscars gift bag this year, how thoughtful, not to mention practical

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious, like WTF?!

Reminder: Even demons think you are a dick

Sorry you had a bad day you can tough my ______ if you want

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My Lucky Charms

Michael Shinafelt

Happy St. Patrick's Day Minions! 

Let me impart you with some wisdom on this green day. 

My 2026 Motto: I refuse to argue with people who should have been swallowed. 

Think about it, but not too much...

Luck of the Irish to ya!!!

St Patrick's Day on Wikipedia -

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick%27s_Day

Michael's Musings

You Look Like A Movie Star, Honey

"Everybody is a star" - Sly & The Family Stone

It's Academy Awards Week, in honor of that I am going to give you my picks, not the ones I think will win, for the five main categories wedged in throughout this column. 

Now aren't you happy?! Let's get this party started!!!

Let's start with Best Picture shall we? Let's! This is a tough category for me because One Battle After Another and Sinners are basically neck and neck for me. This being stated my pick is Sinners it was the most original and audacious of the two.

Confidence doesn't come from knowing everything. It comes from being willing to figure it out.

Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars (love her) has been cast in the Baywatch reboot

You could put some joy upon my face, that's all

OK, Best Actress since I haven't seen Jessie Buckley's performance in Hamnet, I thought Rose Byrne was phenomenal in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You. Her performance made me feel the characters actual anxiety.

A jellyfish's mouth is also it's anus. Basically congress of the sea.

I love NY but LA makes me cum, that's all you need to know

Everyone is annoying except for you and me, the more you know

Woman Crush of the Week - Daryl Hannah for being a warrior and taking control of her narrative after being disrespected by the fictional way she was portrayed in Love Story. 

Best Actor even if Timothee Chalamet didn't fall flat on his face with his comments about opera and ballet going into the Oscar home stretch. My vote would be for Michael B. Jordan for his masterful performance in Sinners.

FYI Even demons think your a dick

Supporting Actress while I loved Teyana Taylor in One Battle After Another, Amy Madigan commanded the screen in Weapons. She gave us a whole new breed of villain.

Raise your hands if you have always felt the origin of your anger in your nether regions

And last but not least Supporting Actor, this is easy it's not even close for me Sean Penn in One Battle After Another.

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Michael's Musings

I tried to be good, but then I got bored
Michael Shinafelt

"There's something about you, baby

It happens all the time
Whenever I'm around you, baby
I get a dirty mind
It doesn't matter where we are
Doesn't matter who's around
Doesn't matter, I just want to lay you down" - Prince, Dirty Mind

Those who did me dirty always think my posts are about them. If the shoe fits, wear it, Cinderella!

Voom, Voom, Shebang! The more you know...

The Dow is crashing. Someone let Pam Bondi know so we can talk about the Epstein Files

Rewatched Labyrinth last night for the first time in along time. I'd forgotten how clever and edgy it is. "Yes" I especially enjoyed the edgy part.

Now is not the time to be a neutral bitch

Some people think I'm arrogant, who cares what peasants think

Due to personal reasons I will not be reincarnating on earth again

Take care of each other, that's all

Woman Crush of the Week - Jessie Buckley who makes an amazing looking Bride! Can't wait to see it tomorrow!!!

Pain isn't always punishment. Think about it, but not too much

My box on my Uverse TV died yesterday, luckily I have many apps

Be true to you, boop!

David Bowie is so hot! Yep, I said it

I'm off to get my Namaste on this morning

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Michael's Musings

Bananas & Blow

"Sancho brought a message from the Fat Man

Sorry, boy, to leave you high and dry
But I went to see my mom in Ensenada
And I left a little something to help the time go by
Just a little something to help to keep you high

Bananas & Blow (oh - oh), Bananas & Blow
Stuck in my cabana, living on Bananas & Blow" - Ween, Bananas And Blow

Guess what? I can buy myself pickles 

How was your Taco Tuesday?

Please don't ever bring up math to me. I overcame. I healed. I moved on. I have peace.

Sorry to hear of the passing of Eric Dane RIP Cal Jacobs on Euphoria 

Life is too short to be normal. Stay weird.

Avoiding people who lower your vibe is self care

Remember to look both ways before you F#ck yourself

You've heard of elf on a shelf, well I'm Ho on the go! And aren't you happy?!

Woman Crush of the Week - Neve Campbell, I'm stoked about her return as Sidney Prescott in the Scream franchise. I'm hitting the theater to see Scream 7 Friday!!!

Evolve or Die, that's all

F#ck the people that make you scared and fight back, think about it, but not too much

I was dancing in a lesbian bar, the more you know...

Celebrated National Margarita Day this past Sunday

PS If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.

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Cheers! It's National Margarita Day!

Tequila!
Michael Shinafelt

Pssst! Did you know it's National Margarita Day?! Well now you do!!!

Thus to commemorate and celebrate this hallowed concoction here I am with, "Yes" a margarita.

I have a twice weekly routine where I make my way to HomeState in Hollywood for a breakfast taco and a margarita in the am.

Sitting out on the patio first thing in the morning with those two things is a great start to any day. It's really chill and quiet, thus setting the tone for the rest of it: Good Vibes Only. 

Join me in celebrating won't you? I know you want to, everyone is doing it, all the cool kids are...

Tequila! 

National Margarita Day on the WWW -

https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day/national-margarita-day-february-22