Michael's Musings

Let's Have A Black Celebration!
Michael Shinafelt

"I look to you, how you carry on when all hope is gone

Can't you see?
Your optimistic eyes seem like paradise to someone like me
I want to take you in my arms
Forgetting all I couldn't do today

Black celebration
Black celebration
Tonight

To celebrate the fact
That we've seen the back Of another black day" - Depeche Mode, Black Celebration

Wanna buy a snake? All the cool people are doing it

I'm so happy that The Comeback on HBO, well came back for a third and last season! I love that show!

I bought a six pack of toilet paper at Trader Joe's yesterday, and aren't you happy?!

F#ck this sh!t! Let's make mistakes tonight and go to therapy tomorrow, that's all

I know I'm late to the table on this but I started binging Eastsiders on Netflix last night. IYKYK

FYI If you seriously think protestors are being PAID to march, why not pretend you're a protestor, sign up to get paid, capture the payslip, then expose the whole thing? I'll wait...

"Why don't you come in, big boy, and pick a few flowers" - Valerie Perrine as Honey Bruce in Bob Fosse's Lenny, Rest In Power Miss Teschmacher 

Do yourself a favor and check out singer Mike Clifford's rendition of Sting's "Fields Of Gold" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOeVDyaIwbs 

Woman Crush of the Week - Zendaya for bringing it while promoting "The Drama" Love her and can't wait to see the movie when it opens next week!!!

In this bag I hold my patience, the bag is very light. Think about it, but not too much.

Take me to the art museum and ______ me in the bathroom. Go ahead fill in the blank, I dare you

Just because a doll is possessed doesn't mean it doesn't have a point, the more you know

People love to talk sh!t when they can't control you, indeed...

I'm gonna rock down to Electric Avenue 

Rock Down with me here -

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Michael's Musings

The Bitch Is Back!
Michael Shinafelt

"I entertain by picking brains

Sell my soul by dropping names
I don't like those, my God, what's that?
Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back
(Oh-oh-oh)

I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is back
Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch 'cause I'm better than you
It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh-oh-oh" - Elton John, The Bitch Is Back

I want to take everything that's supposed to be mine, that's all

Taco Bell is now the only place you can get gas for $2.49, the more you know

Where's my Oscar for acting like everything is fine??? Bueller, Bueller...

Speaking of the Oscars big props to Amy Madigan for her win portraying Aunt Gladys in Weapons, bravo!

Pleasure is a radical act, think about it, but not too much

My favorite conspiracy theory? Someday you will ache like I ache 

Heads you hit me, tails you kiss me

If life gives you lesbians make lesbianade 

Woman Crush of the Week - Demi Moore because at 63 years young she is still slaying! Seen here at the Oscars this past Sunday.

Tomorrow is the official first day of spring, boing!!!

A customized prenup was part of the Oscars gift bag this year, how thoughtful, not to mention practical

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious, like WTF?!

Reminder: Even demons think you are a dick

Sorry you had a bad day you can tough my ______ if you want

Tell me what you'd like to touch here -

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Michael's Musings

You Look Like A Movie Star, Honey

"Everybody is a star" - Sly & The Family Stone

It's Academy Awards Week, in honor of that I am going to give you my picks, not the ones I think will win, for the five main categories wedged in throughout this column. 

Now aren't you happy?! Let's get this party started!!!

Let's start with Best Picture shall we? Let's! This is a tough category for me because One Battle After Another and Sinners are basically neck and neck for me. This being stated my pick is Sinners it was the most original and audacious of the two.

Confidence doesn't come from knowing everything. It comes from being willing to figure it out.

Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars (love her) has been cast in the Baywatch reboot

You could put some joy upon my face, that's all

OK, Best Actress since I haven't seen Jessie Buckley's performance in Hamnet, I thought Rose Byrne was phenomenal in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You. Her performance made me feel the characters actual anxiety.

A jellyfish's mouth is also it's anus. Basically congress of the sea.

I love NY but LA makes me cum, that's all you need to know

Everyone is annoying except for you and me, the more you know

Woman Crush of the Week - Daryl Hannah for being a warrior and taking control of her narrative after being disrespected by the fictional way she was portrayed in Love Story. 

Best Actor even if Timothee Chalamet didn't fall flat on his face with his comments about opera and ballet going into the Oscar home stretch. My vote would be for Michael B. Jordan for his masterful performance in Sinners.

FYI Even demons think your a dick

Supporting Actress while I loved Teyana Taylor in One Battle After Another, Amy Madigan commanded the screen in Weapons. She gave us a whole new breed of villain.

Raise your hands if you have always felt the origin of your anger in your nether regions

And last but not least Supporting Actor, this is easy it's not even close for me Sean Penn in One Battle After Another.

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Michael's Musings

I tried to be good, but then I got bored
Michael Shinafelt

"There's something about you, baby

It happens all the time
Whenever I'm around you, baby
I get a dirty mind
It doesn't matter where we are
Doesn't matter who's around
Doesn't matter, I just want to lay you down" - Prince, Dirty Mind

Those who did me dirty always think my posts are about them. If the shoe fits, wear it, Cinderella!

Voom, Voom, Shebang! The more you know...

The Dow is crashing. Someone let Pam Bondi know so we can talk about the Epstein Files

Rewatched Labyrinth last night for the first time in along time. I'd forgotten how clever and edgy it is. "Yes" I especially enjoyed the edgy part.

Now is not the time to be a neutral bitch

Some people think I'm arrogant, who cares what peasants think

Due to personal reasons I will not be reincarnating on earth again

Take care of each other, that's all

Woman Crush of the Week - Jessie Buckley who makes an amazing looking Bride! Can't wait to see it tomorrow!!!

Pain isn't always punishment. Think about it, but not too much

My box on my Uverse TV died yesterday, luckily I have many apps

Be true to you, boop!

David Bowie is so hot! Yep, I said it

I'm off to get my Namaste on this morning

Join me here -

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Michael's Musings

Bananas & Blow

"Sancho brought a message from the Fat Man

Sorry, boy, to leave you high and dry
But I went to see my mom in Ensenada
And I left a little something to help the time go by
Just a little something to help to keep you high

Bananas & Blow (oh - oh), Bananas & Blow
Stuck in my cabana, living on Bananas & Blow" - Ween, Bananas And Blow

Guess what? I can buy myself pickles 

How was your Taco Tuesday?

Please don't ever bring up math to me. I overcame. I healed. I moved on. I have peace.

Sorry to hear of the passing of Eric Dane RIP Cal Jacobs on Euphoria 

Life is too short to be normal. Stay weird.

Avoiding people who lower your vibe is self care

Remember to look both ways before you F#ck yourself

You've heard of elf on a shelf, well I'm Ho on the go! And aren't you happy?!

Woman Crush of the Week - Neve Campbell, I'm stoked about her return as Sidney Prescott in the Scream franchise. I'm hitting the theater to see Scream 7 Friday!!!

Evolve or Die, that's all

F#ck the people that make you scared and fight back, think about it, but not too much

I was dancing in a lesbian bar, the more you know...

Celebrated National Margarita Day this past Sunday

PS If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.

Enjoy the silence with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Sorry, I Cannot Hear You, I'm Kinda Busy
Michael Shinafelt

"Stop calling, stop calling

I don't wanna think anymore
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor
Stop calling, stop calling
I don't wanna talk anymore
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop telephoning me
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
I'm busy" - Telephone, Lady Gaga & Beyonce 

Please stop staring at me, I'm deflecting right now

Watched the Netflix documentary Reality Check: America's Next Top Model. Very interesting not to mention eye opening. PS Tyra Banks did herself no favors being interviewed for it.

I really hope you never lose your weirdness, that's all

Caught a matinee of Wuthering Heights last week. I was the only guy in a sea of women. Personally I dug it!

As If! Nicki Minaj says she wants to run for congress 🤣🤣🤣

Hey everybody! Everything is OK the Dow is at 50,000! The more you know...

Dog collars are the new black, think about it, but not too much

Happy Thursday Angels IYKYK

Woman Crush of the Week - Margot Robbie for gifting us with Wuthering Heights. Not only was she great as the self centered Catherine Earnshaw, she also produced this wonderfully subversive masochistic take on it! 

It's another cold and rainy day in Los Angeles, CA

Who out there finds Bad Bunny attractive, raise your hand ✋

Listening to Pam Bondi is harmful to your brain, and can lead to witchcraft and lesbianism 

What's the first thing you think of when see Steve Martin? Me? King Tut "Yes" I am older

Looks like "I'm gonna need a bigger boat" to get to yoga today...

Who wants to go on a boat ride? Contact me here:

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Michael's Musings

All Bound For Mu Mu Land
Michael Shinafelt

"All bound for Mu Mu Land

They're justified and they're ancient
And they drive an ice cream van
(Just roll it from the top)
They're justified and they're ancient
With still no master plan" - The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu, Justified And Ancient 

From me to you: Happy Valentine's Day Minions!

Another one of the good guys is gone. RIP James Van Der Beek

Breaking News: The Onion is on the verge of collapse after not being able to make up things that are more idiotic than current reality

Dear autocorrect. Get it together. I have never called anyone a can't

Bud Cort has also passed away, Harold has left the building

Once you understand that Pam Bondi is Donald Trump's Ghislaine Maxwell...everything makes sense

I rewatched Season 3 of The White Lotus yesterday, and aren't you happy?! 

Our love is so hot, totally hot! That's all.

Woman Crush of the Week - Rose Byrne for her incredible performance in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You. My anxiety was through the roof!

So you didn't like the Superbowl Halftime Show? That's OK, because we didn't like what you did to the US capitol building on January 6th

Catching Wuthering Heights tomorrow, can't wait!!!

There's this real jealousy of people who are able to be who they are. 

All clothing must go! Think about it, but not too much...

I'm going to dance and have some fun!

Dance with me here -

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Michael's Musings

"You're A Thief Of Hearts And Now You'll Have To Pay"
Michael Shinafelt

"Thief of hearts

Bitch!

You'll do it, you'll take it
You screw it, you fake it
Undo it, you'll break it
You're over, you can't take it" - Madonna, Thief Of Hearts

Shout out to Madonna! Her 33 year old song Thief Of Hearts has deservedly gone viral on TikTok. It's off my favorite Madonna album Erotica, I'm glad this gem is finally getting the attention it deserves!!!

My personality is somewhere between Mother Teresa and Mother F#cker, the more you know...

FYI Things aren't getting worse, they are getting uncovered. That's all.

I saw my shadow this morning. Six more weeks of being an a$$hole, that's the way it goes

Cardi B should make a new version of WAP - White Assimilation Puta - and dedicate it to Nicki Minaj

Isn't it time to see gender as a spectrum, and not two opposites? 

Finally went to the historic Tam O'Shanter restaurant in Los Angeles, CA. Walt Disney dined there frequently in the late 20' and throughout the 30's so much it was nicknamed "Disney Studio Commissary. It takes you to a different time and place, not to mention the food was delicious!

Congrats to all of us for making it through the decade of January 2026

Woman Crush of the Week - Addison Rae for her playful take on Marilyn Monroe's dress straight outta The Seven Year Itch at the Grammys. Way to work it!

Remembering when I wanted what I currently have. I'm grateful.

Looking forward to seeing Bad Bunny be a Bad A$$ during the Superbowl half time show this Sunday!!! 

There will be people that tell you to stop and look at the moon. They are important.

Miss Piggy walked so Sabrina Carpenter could run...

It's Thursday February 5th 2026, and aren't you happy?!

Get happy with me here -

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Michael's Musings

If I Was King For Just One Day, I Would Give It All Away
Michael Shinafelt

"I've heard it said or maybe read

Only money makes the world go round
But all the gold won't heal your soul (won't heal your soul)
If your world should tumble to the ground

You say you hunger
For something, you can't get at all
And love is not enough anymore" - Thompson Twins, King For A Day

Fear is boring. Just f#cking go for it, the more you know...

Blocking someone on Social Media isn't enough. They must have lice and crabs too!

Pro Tip: You can say saucy jizz instead of sausages and no one will ever notice, that's all

My dream is to go to a wedding where someone says: NO

I'm going to be wet for hours, think about it, but not too much

Should you happen to fall down drunk pretend you did it to make a snow angel

FYI I read banned books, and aren't you happy???

Seeing Sam Raimi's Send Help tomorrow, I can't wait for his return to the genre that made him famous: Horror 

Woman Crush of the Week - Olivia Wilde, for having two Sundance darlings. Starring in Greg Araki's I Want Your Sex as a dom and directing and starring in The Invite. Way to go!

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior while everyone else just accepted it. You know who you are...

Got a new tattoo on my right forearm, it says: "Tomorrow is never promised"

Punk Rock was right about everything!!!

Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days.

No where did I put that?

Help me find it here:

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Michael's Musings

Lord Of The Wild Things
Michael Shinafelt

"Wild thing

You make my heart sing
You make everything groovy
Wild thing

Wild thing, I think you move me
But I wanna know for sure
So come on and hold me tight
You move me" - The Troggs, Wild Thing

A male witch is called a witch. Not a wizard, not a warlock, not a sorcerer, not a magician. Just a witch...the more you know

Will you be my freak on a leash? Think about it, but not too much

The John Hughes classic "Pretty In Pink" celebrates turning 40 with a return to theaters February 13 -16, yep in time for Valentine's Day

If they want to see you as the villain...Then strike a pose!

Sometimes even a Rock Star like you needs a break, that's all

Veronica Mars is currently on Netflix. Since I've never seen it I decided to give it a go. Yep, I'm hooked!

It's official I've lost 26lbs on my GLP-1. Started at 197 am down to 171, there's that.

Today is the most humiliating day in American History. At least until tomorrow.

Woman Crush of the Week - Rachel McAdams who just got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Looking forward to seeing Sam Raimi's Send Help in which she stars opening next weekend!

"I don't know who I am" and other such dilemmas.

Pro Tip: Tell a coworker they swallowed too many kids and that's why everything that comes out of their mouth is childish. Let me know how it goes...

Dr. Wiggles Weiner Wagon, say that three times fast

They apologized, but I already mailed a piece of their hair to this lady in New Orleans, Ooops!

Consider this a warning: I found you in this lifetime and I will find you in the next.

Let's meet here:

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Michael's Musings

Shiny Happy People
Michael Shinafelt

"Everyone around, love them, love them

Put it in your hands, take it, take it
There's no time to cry, happy, happy
Put it in your heart where tomorrow shines
Gold and silver shine

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing" - R.E.M. "Shiny Happy People"

To think we survived a pandemic for this, that's all

Saw David Lynch's Mulholland Drive again on Tubi. The older I get the more linear the film becomes. IYKYK!

Thought of the Day: Am I polarizing enough?

Speaking of others is easy, facing the battles they have won is another story. Indeed...

I've gotten a tattoo for every decade of my life since my twenties. Currently deciding on what I should get for my 60th. Any suggestions?

FYI I'm done adulting, let's be dragons, the more you know

This is not a safe space for your hatred. You can choke on it. Disrespectfully.

Smile, Laugh, Talk, Drink, Dance, Eat A$$, carry on.

Woman Crush of the Week - Hunter Schafer in the role she was born to play Jules Vaughn. Can't wait for Season 3 of Euphoria to drop April 12th! 

Rewatched some episodes of The Comeback with Lisa Kudrow on HBO yesterday. What a brilliant show!

When a Ford worker is held to a higher standard than the President of the Unites States, discuss.

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are" - Carl Jung

My toxic trait is knowing the truth before I ask because I wanna see how good you lie. What's yours???

I'm feeling quite ______ the blank is yours to fill in

Let's fill it in together here -

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Michael's Musings

"Things That Make You Go, Hmm"
Michael Shinafelt

"Things that make you go, hmm

Things that make you go, hmm
It's the things that make you go, oh, oh, oh
The things that make you go, hmm
Things that make you go, hmm
It's the things that make you go, hmm, hmm, hmm" C + C Music Factory and Freedom Williams

Expect the unexpected then tame that beast

Now who on earth would want to harass poor Dottie Hinkle? IYKYK

Alcohol has taught me when I'm drunk I will walk anywhere. Sober me complains about walking for 10 minutes.

Me walking into 2026 still a bitch. It's a New Year not a miracle.

If today isn't your day remember a year has 365 days, that's all

Always leave when it gets disrespectful, the more you know

Hug me until it stops feeling innocent, that's the ticket

Today's challenge: Say three nice things about Nicki Minaj

Woman Crush of the Week - Amy Madigan for her Critic's Choice win as Aunt Gladys in Weapons. Brilliant! 

It's pretty disgusting that Trump has no achievements of his own that he has to steal another man's memorial

Can't wait for you to have your _____ in my mouth. The blank is yours to fill in

Gavin Newsom proposes renaming all toxic waste  sites after Donald J Trump

Being both crazy and self aware is interesting because I know what I'm about to do is insane but I'm gonna do it anyway, there's that

For those about to seize the day, I salute you!

Seize it with me here -

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Michael's Musings

"Can't stop, comin' in hot"
Michael Shinafelt

"So raise your glass if you are wrong

In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be never be, anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass
Just come on and come on and raise your glass" - Pink, Raise Your Glass

It's Thursday January 1st 2026, and here we're still standing!

Let them hate. Just make sure they spell your name correctly. That's all.

You ain't nobody Lord Voldemort! I ain't scared of you boo!

We all know you've heard of Elf on the Shelf, but have you heard of leaving trans people the f#ck alone?! Asking for a friend.

2025 was a tough year but at least I didn't buy a Labubu, so there!

Rewatching The Bold Type on Tubi. I forgot how great that show is, it really speaks to me

Went and saw Marty Supreme yesterday. What an odd, but completely compelling film.

Expectation is the root of heartache. The more you know. 

Woman Crush of the Week - There's something about Odessa A'zion. Between being on the HBO series I Love LA and being in Marty Supreme I just can't get enough!

Putting a baby in a freezer would kill it, but freezing embryos preserves them. This is why an embryo isn't a baby. Hope this helps.

Saw Ron Howard's Eden on Netflix, it's worth a watch. Not to mention a nice, shall we say head to toe view of Jude Law.

I celebrated NYE on my couch, you?

Never rule out a goal because you think it's unattainable. Be audacious.

I'm celebrating the first day of 2026 with a bang! Hint: read between the lines...

Celebrate with me here -

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Michael's Musings

Today I Turn 60...Happy Birthday To Me!
Michael Shinafelt

I turn 60 today, it's not anything like I thought it would be. It's better! 

Of course I talk to myself. I need expert advice, that's all

You're so weird, don't change

Yesterday I had a Pre-Birthday celebration lunch with my friend Julie at The Cheesecake Factory in Beverly Hills, the more you know

Don't forget getting a tree and decorating it is witchcraft, not to mention all sorts of fun!

What's my favorite Period film? "Carrie" think about it, but not too much

Stop pretending you're not magical, right here, right now

I got a really cool Wicked T-Shirt in the mail from my friend Karen for my Birthday yesterday. It has embroidered Flying Monkeys on it! And aren't you happy? I know I am!!!

Woman Crush of the Week - Amanda Seyfried I love her for standing her ground and refusing  to apologize for calling Charlie Kirk hateful

Speaking of Amanda seeing The Housemaid with her and Sydney Sweeney tomorrow, can't wait!

Gomez Addams was the best television Dad. He had nothing but love and support for his whole family. Fight me.

No one is too old for fairy tales. Trust me at 60 I can honestly state this.

I was today years old when I realized it's called DisnyLAnd because it's in LA and it's called DisneywORld because it's in Orlando

Today I am hitting the historic Bob's Big Boy in Burbank, CA for a Birthday lunch. I've never been and I'm going to get my photo taken with the Big Boy.

Celebrate "Sexy 60" with me here -

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