F@ck "IT"

Is That A Helium Balloon? Or Are You Just Excited To See Me?
Pennywise

While the "F" bomb is one of my most favorite frames of reference of all time, so much so I could never tally how much I use it in the course of a day. My favorite usage of it being the term "F@ck it."

This term takes on a whole new meaning this week as you have probably guessed given the byline. Yes, the phrase now refers to the blockbuster $100 million plus grossing movie based on the Stephen King novel IT.

Being a horror fan, I can honestly state this is the least scary film of all time. Seriously, I'm more disturbed by individuals who procure non white paper napkins, for everyday use. I felt like New Line/Warner Brothers marketed the film they wished they had, not the one they ended up with.

Bette Davis Eyes

Honestly I wish I could sue them for baiting and switching, the movie advertised was not what I spent money to see. The trailer was promising, it looked like Pennywise was a dark creature that would get under my skin and infiltrate my psyche, no bueno. 

Even critics were singing it's praises before it opened calling IT frightening. IT garnered an 88% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. I am going out on a limb and saying the ones who loved IT were probably paid off by the studio.

What was IT? A coming of age story with some amazing young actors and a clown who represented their fear of forging through adolescents and becoming adults. Yawn, if I wanted to see that I would view Stand By Me again, another Stephen King adaptation that is way better than this dupe. At least with that one, I wasn't lied to by the studio marketing machine and knew what the movie was about that I was paying to see.

IT's House, In The Middle Of Neibolt Street

The only saving grace for me was I live in Hollywood and got to go to the IT Experience with Robert Krzeski in tow. One of the greatest publicity stunts ever! Yes, Virginia, I got to have live interaction with elements of the movie in Neibolt House, and explore where IT lives.

Translation?! While watching IT and seeing the things I saw inside Neibolt House and my memories of being inside it when the kids entered IT's deadly lair on screen was my only amusement during this marketing scam.

The film was not what I was wanting or, frankly promised by the ad campaign. I'm going to cleanse my palette this weekend with Mother! which I am sure will deliver what it promises.

Pennywise has nothing on me at::

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt     

15 Minutes: Kristen Taekman

Look We're Jogging, Yeah Right...
Tori Spelling & Kristen Taekman

Your star is fading, you are officially the most Boring Housewife of  New York City who was only mildly interesting the first season you were on because your husband was condescending and rude to you.

This season there are no scenes with your spouse and you simply become like a gnat, annoying, but quite insignificant.

What do you do Kristen Taekman? You want to be signed for another season, you need to do something that will make you an asset...here is what she did.

1) The Ashley Madison scandal is big news, latch onto it.

2) People will believe your husband Josh Taekman is a member if you say he is given his past behavior to you on The Real Housewives of New York City.

3) Was Josh really a member? Maybe, but it really does not matter.

4) Stand by your man, because that secures even more publicity and public scrutiny.

5) Lastly be seen "jogging" with Tori Spelling who noTORIously aired her and Dean McDermott's cheating woes in a reality show too - in what was clearly a set up photo op, to lend credibility to the situation. 

Hey you might even get your own show to do the same.

Any questions? I didn't think so. 

Tie One On, With "Fifty Shades" Star Jamie Dornan

Nothing Except For A Slip Knot Comes Between Jamie Dornan And His Calvin's

Pardon the beefcake shot, but given the tone of this post, I could not resist an image showing all of you the star of the upcoming adaptation of "Fifty Shades of Gray" Jamie Dornan in his Calvin's...

Much like Brooke Shields it looks like nothing comes between Jamie and his Calvin's either.

Mr. Dornan has earned himself an interesting set of skills after some of his latest jobs. Like tying rope, for example.

He plays a serial killer who ties up his victims in "The Fall" to a billionaire S&M hunk who enjoys to do some rope work in "Fifty Shades of Grey," Dornan has had his fair share in the knot workshop, but even he admits that he'd like to do slide into something different.

 The actor admits "There are a couple of classic knots I know now,"  tell us more Jamie -  "and I've put them to good use far too many times recently. In fact I'd like to do a job where I don't have to tie women to beds."

Or perhaps you could hold seminars for the rabid fan base of the E.L. James novel, it would be a great publicity stunt, just putting it out there...!

Learn to tie a knot at: http://www.fiftyshadesmovie.com/