Clea Cutthroat's Top 5 Halloween Tricks

Tricks!
Photo: Daria A Marchik

No Halloween would be complete at Entertain Me without a visit from it's resident Burlesque Biotch, so without further adieu here she is all the way from Berlin, Germany with her Top 5 Tricks for the season, the girl who will tickle your pickle Ms. Clea Cutthroat...!!!

Halloween is when a ho can be a ho. A slut can be a slut.

Every nurse gets 8-inch stilettos, mice get lingerie, firemen come in daisy dukes, and a bloody tampon costume looks more like a cream dream.

I ain’t too proud.

I am one of those ladies who celebrate my inner slut, and wear my lip gloss, heavy eyeliner, 12-inch stilettos and black lace thong with pride...every damn day.

Throw on some animal ears, fake blood, and glitter and…boom!

I’m ready to trick, and to be treated.

However, since my daily work does involve rolls of duct tape, nudity, platform boots, blood and knives…Halloween is really something different (kind of). Well, at the very least, it’s a chance for me to give the performance artist a night off, strap on a fake chainsaw and let the dollar dolla’ bills rain down on me.

Michael asked me for my list of my “Top 5 Halloween Tricks”. Well, luckily Michael and I have bonded over a bloody margarita or five…so, as I’m perched here with my extra dirty martini, lounging in my favorite bloody couture and fluffy fur stripper heels, I’m feeling loose lipped just thinking about my favorite tricks over this ghoulish holiday season.

So many ghouls, too little time.

All Hail Queen Clea!

5. The first trick that comes to mind is “Candy Corn Nipple Guy”. This trick always asks me to suck on his nipples for hours! I swear, with him I always charge for overtime. He begs me to tell him that they taste like candy, but they taste like I’m sucking on a metal lollipop.

I charge per candy corn.

4. The next trick would have to be Candle Man. This trick is just freakin’ creeeeeeeepy. He’s obsessed with me dressing up like Elvira (THAT is not the weird part). The weird part, is that he gets dressed up like a pirate with a rhinestone eye patch, sits down on his vinyl brown couch, and just holds a plates of candles while I strip for him. When he’s really in a mood, he likes holding the plate of candles over me as they drip. Takes hours, and one time I feel asleep, but hey…pirates always have gold, and this fine boo-tay never leaves without anything short of a treasure chest.

3. My third favorite Halloween trick is Mr. Ding-Dong-Ditch. This freaky ass trick doesn’t even want me to come into his house! He pays me to ring his bell and run away. Every Halloween!

Easiest job I ever had.

2. Now let me tell ya about this next trick. Little Miss Redrum. She is insanely hot, but girl is craaaaaazy! She pays me to reenact The Shining with her. The twist here is that she lives is southern Texas, so since it’s always hot, she fills the pool with fake blood, so we hold hands and wear identical twins bikinis while chillin’ in the pool. I don’t get paid much, but she’s fine and she has a frozen margarita machine…good enough for me!

1. Last, but certainly not least, my favorite trick on All Hallows Eve would have to be Satan. Hands down! Dude is slick! Always rolls up in his silver Porsche, perfectly tailored burgundy suit, and a wickedly sexy smile. We drink dirty martinis together in the penthouse Jacuzzi. He asks me what I want, and I get it. Dude is nothing but class all the way! That other guy always makes me eat stale ass bread and drink table wine. I mean, every girl has the right to be glossy and flossy. Mmmmm, hold up…I gotta go move my Porsche.
Have some Halloween libations with Clea at:
https://www.facebook.com/CocktailsWithClea
https://twitter.com/CleaCutthroat