Tuesday, January 26, 2016

"Spread Your Legs!" Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Where's The Guacamole?!
Khloe Kardashian
"I'm gonna get guacamole up your vagina right now. Spread your legs. Tell her to spread her legs." Kourtney Kardashian to Khloe Kardasian during a food fight involving, duh, guacamole. 

OK, while I am not a rabid Kardashian fan, I do admit to being a casual observer. Define that you say? Well each weeks new episode is the soundtrack to my early morning (I wake up at five) work schedule. In other words one of the shows that is great background noise while I am on the computer. 

That being stated it's quotes like the above one that keep me coming back for more sound bites. It certainly isn't the "drama" and the staged ways it is dealt with. Also I have to admit I have a special fondness for Khloe Kardashian

Khloe, always the straight shooter is a woman after my own heart. She is the one I know I could hang with and have a blast as we would be on the same page. Below are fifteen Khloe Kuotes that I have selected that sound like things I say and text to my friends & loved ones. Don't you wish you were on my list of contacts now???
1. “I hear the pitter-patter of a dinosaur.” – On hearing mom Kris Jenner’s footsteps approaching.
2. “Wow my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child.” – On sister Kourtney Kardashian becoming a mom.
3. "Sometimes a b**ch snaps."
4. "It's haunting me for the rest of my life" – On Kim’s song “Jam.”
5. “Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!” – Via Twitter.
6. “Your hair is, like, shorter than a vagina’s bush.” – To mom Kris after a haircut.
7. “I could maybe hit it better if they were black balls.” – To Bruce Jenner, on golfing.
8. “I’m Khloe. My sisters say I am a b**ch.”
9. “Hi Satan!” – Addressing mom Kris on the phone.
10. "Are you going to be a boring whore your whole life?" – To one of her sisters.
11. “Sorry, Sir, I curse a lot.”
12. “I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples— perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life.” – On her sheer X-Factor top.
13. "A little bun in the oven. Your ass is gonna be so big." – On Kim’s pregnancy.
14. "I am gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight."
15. "Don’t go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you."

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