"Spread Your Legs!" Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Where's The Guacamole?!
Khloe Kardashian

"I'm gonna get guacamole up your vagina right now. Spread your legs. Tell her to spread her legs." Kourtney Kardashian to Khloe Kardasian during a food fight involving, duh, guacamole. 

OK, while I am not a rabid Kardashian fan, I do admit to being a casual observer. Define that you say? Well each weeks new episode is the soundtrack to my early morning (I wake up at five) work schedule. In other words one of the shows that is great background noise while I am on the computer. 

That being stated it's quotes like the above one that keep me coming back for more sound bites. It certainly isn't the "drama" and the staged ways it is dealt with. Also I have to admit I have a special fondness for Khloe Kardashian. 

Khloe, always the straight shooter is a woman after my own heart. She is the one I know I could hang with and have a blast as we would be on the same page. Below are fifteen Khloe Kuotes that I have selected that sound like things I say and text to my friends & loved ones. Don't you wish you were on my list of contacts now???

1. “I hear the pitter-patter of a dinosaur.” – On hearing mom Kris Jenner’s footsteps approaching.

2. “Wow my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child.” – On sister Kourtney Kardashian becoming a mom.

3. "Sometimes a b**ch snaps."

4. "It's haunting me for the rest of my life" – On Kim’s song “Jam.”

5. “Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!” – Via Twitter.

6. “Your hair is, like, shorter than a vagina’s bush.” – To mom Kris after a haircut.

7. “I could maybe hit it better if they were black balls.” – To Bruce Jenner, on golfing.

8. “I’m Khloe. My sisters say I am a b**ch.”

9. “Hi Satan!” – Addressing mom Kris on the phone.

10. "Are you going to be a boring whore your whole life?" – To one of her sisters.

11. “Sorry, Sir, I curse a lot.”

12. “I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples— perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life.” – On her sheer X-Factor top.

13. "A little bun in the oven. Your ass is gonna be so big." – On Kim’s pregnancy.

14. "I am gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight."

15. "Don’t go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you."

Keep Up With Khloe at: 
https://twitter.com/khloekardashian
https://www.instagram.com/khloekardashian/   

Can We Talk? Ian Harvie Part II

Ian Harvie
Photo: Austin Young

"I don't understand it, but I accept it is societies go to phrase. It stops us from really putting ourselves in someone else's place. It keeps us from really going there. But we could go there, and if we allowed ourselves to do that we would really understand it." - Ian Harvie

The above quote is a little paraphrased but it stuck with me after I turned off the recorder and Ian and Myself were chatting off record. This is one of the most eye opening, honest things I have heard in a long time.

For those of you not in the loop Ian is a transgender comedian/actor and friend. Post Bruce Jenner's recent interview let's keep the dialogue flowing...

Note: This is part II of my interview with Ian, here is the link to part I:

http://mshinafelt.blogspot.com/2015/05/can-we-talk-ian-harvie-part-i.html

MS: I get feeling comfortable in your own skin. Now that I am almost fifty twenty somethings are hitting on me all the time. When I was in my twenties I could never get guys my own age interested. 

IH: Their attraction is now, that you posses something inside that they wished they had. Let's take our exteriors out of this. I think people today, as we get to this place, we still deem exteriors important on some level, but...I'm in recovery, and I remember when I first got sober, the person that you ask to sponsor you, they have something that you want. There is something about them that reflects how you want to live your life. Someone might be pretty on the outside, but when you are really attracted to someone it's that they posses something that you wish you had, that you know you have, and you want to crack it open in some way. Sometimes for me it's on the surface, but usually it's what someone says, and I'm like: "Oh shit that was good!"

MS: I was headed there with this.

IH: Well, I just cut you off, sorry (laughs)

MS: Hey, this is an open forum. (laughs) You are really fearless with your comedy shows. 

IH: I won't be exhausted with it until everybody fucking gets it. People ask me "are you tired?" I'm like: "No, no I want everybody to hear this." I will say it to whoever and as many times as I need to. Maybe I will say it differently with new material, but it's a really important part of what I want to do in this art medium. 

MS: Awesome!

IH: Let's jump back to The Nightly Show for a second. 

MS: Go for it.

IH: What I thought was really awesome about it was, that this is the Comedy Central demographic watching this show. Hearing these words and these perspectives, maybe for the first time. Maybe, maybe not, there was a live audience there and there were eruptions of applause. When I said there should be etiquette on behalf of Cisgender people to Transgender people everyone applauded. But that's a live New York audience, the average viewer of that show, who gets their information from what used to be The Colbert Report and what is now this show, most likely hasn't heard this before. What a great gain to have that dialogue on Comedy Central and their demographic. 

MS: Absolutely.

IH: I was like Fuck Yeah! Fuck Yeah! Fuck Yeah, good!

MS: You did discuss Bruce Jenner on the show, I loved your Kardashian joke about all of them having plastic surgery by the way,

IH: Seriously with all the work that entire family has had done this should not be a shock. (laughs)  Yes, it's someone who was male at birth, an iconic athlete who has been in  the homes of all of America for years. Yes, so this is a new story, someone officially coming out like this is going to save lives. It's funny I use to tell a similar joke about Chaz Bono and Cher with all the work she has had done. (laughs) I like thinking of things that flip the narrative and to say the opposite of what everybody is thinking. This is not just a Trans peoples issue to figure out it is also other people's work to do as well. So I like thinking about things in reverse terms, thinking about them in other ways. 

MS: Well in West Hollywood, CA they now have all access bathrooms and I love that because I know when I want to pee, I don't care where I go, I just want to go!

IH: How many times is there a line in one bathroom or the other? I mean, we all use the same bathroom when we are at home. But when we cross the threshold into the public: WE CAN NOT USE THE SAME BATHROOM! (laughs)

MS: One last thing. What the fuck are incinerating boobs?

IH: I just did a podcast where I discussed my chest surgery and was asked what happened to my boobs afterward. I said I didn't know they were probably in a incinerator somewhere in San Francisco. (laughs) 

Keep it real with Ian at:
http://ianharvie.com/
https://twitter.com/ianharvie

Margaret Cho Is psyCHO

MARGARET CHO ANNOUNCES U.S. FALL DATES FOR

THE “psyCHO” TOUR

PRE-SALE TICKETS ON SALE MAY 13 & 14

PUBLIC ON-SALE BEGINS FRIDAY, MAY 15

Margaret Cho is finally copping to something that we Cho Ho's have known for years, that she is psyCHO. Just the way we like her!

Three time Grammy and Emmy nominee, comedian Margaret Cho has announced she will embark on a national U.S. run  in support of The psyCHO Tour this fall. Margaret will hit various cities including Los Angeles, Chicago and her hometown of San Francisco before embarking on a string of European dates this winter.

Margaret has been developing brand new material over the last several months and said: “I'm so thrilled to announce that I will be back out on the road. This show is about insanity, and about the anger I feel about everything happening in the world right now, from police brutality to racism to the rising tide of violence against women. It makes me all so crazy - hence the title: “The psyCHO Tour” - there is no “I” in team but there is a “CHO” in psycho". When men go off on something - they are "passionate" and "driven" and when women go off on something we are "hysterical" and "crazy". I'm trying to bring some joy to the hysteria and insanity. ”

From singlehood to Boko Haram to Bruce Jenner’s transition to female empowerment, Margaret tackles difficult subjects with sensitivity and razor sharp insight. A pioneer amongst women in comedy, Margaret doesn’t take anything for granted. “It’s a wonderful thing to be known as a ‘safe haven’ for people who feel disenfranchised. The audience at my shows don’t necessarily consider themselves traditional comedy fans. I seem to be a secure alternative for people who don’t think they’re being represented in society. They come because my point of view satisfies a lot of what needs to be said out there, and that makes me really proud.”

A big part of Margaret’s show are tributes to her “father in comedy,” Robin Williams and her “mother in comedy,” Joan Rivers, who passed away within a month of one another. Margaret was very close to both of them; her friendship with Robin encouraged her to start the #BeRobin campaign to raise awareness and funds for the homeless community. Her friendship with Joan reinforced Margaret’s desire to remain fearless.

Read more about #BeRobin - New York Times:  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/ 12/25/us/with-memories-of-a- comic-comrade-margaret-cho- helps-the-homeless.html?hp& action=click&pgtype=Homepage& module=second-column-region& region=top-news&WT.nav=top- news&_r=1

Pre-sale tickets for October 1 thru November 14 dates will be available startingWednesday, May 13 at 10:00 A.M. EST until Thursday, May 14 at 10:00 P.M. EST and the password is “psycho.”   The general public on-sale will begin Friday, May 15 at 12:00 noon EST.

June, July & August dates are currently on sale. All show info is posted at http://www.margaretcho.com/

Margaret Cho Official Website http://www.margaretcho.com/

Margaret Cho Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/officialmargaretcho

Margaret Cho Twitter: https://twitter.com/margaretcho/

Margaret Cho YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/margaretcho

2015 Tour dates

Friday, June 19 – Sunday, June 21 -  Orlando, FL - Orlando Improv

Friday, June 26 – Boulder, CO – Chautauqua Auditorium

Saturday, July 18 – Atlantic City, NJ – The Borgata

Friday, July 24 – Montreal Canada – Just For Laughs Festival

Saturday, August 8 – Fire Island, NJ

Thursday, August 13 – Provincetown – Town Hall

Friday, October 2- Minneapolis, MN – Pantages

Saturday, October 3- Chicago, IL - Chicago Theatre

Sunday, October 4- Cleveland, OH - Hard Rock Live

Thursday, October 8- Westbury, NY – Theatre at Westbury

Friday, October 9- Washington DC - Warner Theatre

Saturday, October 10 – Boston, MA – Wilbur Theatre

Thursday, October 15- San Fran, CA- Castro Theatre

Friday, October 16- Las Vegas, NV -  Treasure Island

https://ti.eventshopper.com/eventShopper.html?wr=0533ccdf-c796-49e0-a069-5486f036486f

Saturday, October 17- Scottsdale, AZ  - Scottsdale Center for the Arts

 http://www.scottsdaleperformingarts.org/event/margaret-cho/

Sunday, October 18- Tucson, AZ -  Rialto Theatre

  https://www.ticketfly.com/purchase/event/851593?utm_medium=bks

 Thursday, October 22- San Diego - Balboa Theatre

  http://sandiegotheatres.org/margaret-cho/

Friday, October 23- Riverside, CA - Fox Theatre

Saturday, October 24- Seattle, WA -  Moore Theatre

Sunday, October 25- Portland, OR -  Revolution Hall

https://www.ticketfly.com/purchase/event/852389?utm_source=os

Thursday, October 29- Atlanta, GA -  Tabernacle

Friday, October 30- Miami, FL - Fillmore Jackie Gleason

Friday, November 13- Denver, CO -  Paramount Theatre

Saturday, November 14- Los Angeles, CA -  Wiltern Theatre

Can We Talk? Ian Harvie Part I

Ian Harvie
Photo: Miki Vargas

"I don't understand it, but I accept it is societies go to phrase. It stops us from really putting ourselves in someone else's place. It keeps us from really going there. But we could go there, and if we allowed ourselves to do that we would really understand it." - Ian Harvie

The above quote is a little paraphrased but it stuck with me after I turned off the recorder and Ian and Myself were chatting off record. This is one of the most eye opening, honest things I have heard in a long time.

For those of you not in the loop Ian is a transgender comedian/actor and friend. Post Bruce Jenner's recent interview let's keep the dialogue flowing...

Note: Because this is a long interview and was so interesting. I am doing something I have never done before and presenting it in two parts.

MS: I caught you on Comedy Central's The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, you were really great!

IH: Well I did have the benefit of knowing the subject matter going into the show. It isn't like I was going to talk about astrophysics (laughs) I was there to talk about gender and Jenner. Some topics I am super familiar with. As you know I have been thinking about these things for decades. (laughs)

MS: Not sure if you remember this, but...I saw you when your scruff was first coming in and I reached up a grabbed your face and felt it, and said: "Your getting your scruff how cool!" Then I thought how rude I was for not asking you to. You just smiled at me.

IH: Had it been a complete stranger, I don't know if I would have said something to you, but my body language might have been something other than "alright, whatever" you know. (laughs) I also think it has to do with context. Context is everything. Even when we spoke on the show about the use of the word "Fag" or "Tranny" whatever language is like the "N word" of any given community it's all about the who and how it's being used. So you coming up to me an touching my face, it's really context, and I believe that I am intuitive enough to understand when someones context even without words. Just by their actions, it's really rare that someone is coming up to you with ill intent. I know that people are worried about it, that they look for it even when it is not there. I've watched so many people misinterpret things that were clearly not what they were thinking it was. They are hyper vigilant about the topic of people being derogatory about Trans-People and not getting storylines right because they have gotten them wrong for so long, that our community is incredibly sensitive, as they should be, but even about things that were not with male intent. Even with Larry Wilmore on the show, he would tell me to write certain things down and I'd slide it to him and he'd say it anyway, part of it was to be shockingly comedic. Part of it was to name the word for people even though I didn't want to say it, it was to start a dialogue around it, Larry wasn't calling someone that name. he was saying the word. Then people got in a major uproar about it. Context for me is everything.

MS: I agree. I am sometimes off the cuff so I was curious about what you thought about that. Obviously what I did was without any bad intent, however it was so spontaneous...

IH: Also having seen someone before who did not have facial hair, and the next time you see them it's like "holy shit you have facial hair" there is probably a physical draw in an innocent way that makes you want to reach out and touch it. It's like "Wow!" and your hand just goes out in front of you. (laughs) I kind of don't blame people it's a really miraculous fucking process.

MS: I know this is something that I may be saying out of turn, but you are a cute guy.

IH: Here's the thing someone said this on Facebook the other day and I have to agree with it, it's time that Cisgender people, and I don't mean this as an insult to you or to anybody, get over the fact that Transpeople are hot. It's like we are somehow exempt owning beauty and I am not the hottest dude on the planet. There's a thought culture because we are Transpeople we are not thought of as hot. When Transpeople are hot it is somehow an even more heightened kind of amazement on Cisgender peoples part. My God they're Trans and their hot! (both laugh)

MS: I've only ever known you as a guy, if someone hadn't told me that you were Trans I don't think I would have known.

IH: It's the whiskers. (laughs)

MS: When I say something it's in general terms it's never about pointing something out.

IH: My sentiment probably applies more to Trans-Women. Because they have been the subject of such misogyny. They hear that they are not woman enough, they are not pretty enough for the male gays. What I am saying is probably more applicable to the Trans-Women community. People when they see someone in that community, when they comment they are hot, it's shocking probably more so than for Trans-Guys. Please don't take this as an insult, but I guess I take that as a compliment that someone finds me attractive. Because I have struggled with my outward appearance for so long, that I never actually felt hot myself. It never ever sunk in. I've spent over forty years not feeling beautiful and for the first time I do feel beautiful.

Keep it real with Ian at:
http://ianharvie.com/
https://twitter.com/ianharvie

Paint Your Nails For Bruce

Bruce Jenner & Diane Sawyer

Who knew that the simple everyday act of polishing one's nails could take on a larger meaning? Well it has...

Men are getting their Instagram & Tweet on and painting their finger nails in support of Bruce Jenner's transition to a woman.  #PaintYourNailsforBruce

The social media movement originated at KIIS 1065 in Sydney as a way to show solidarity with Jenner. Women are now joining the ranks as well. 

The KIIS Gang!

Nail polish was the chosen symbol of oneness because as Bruce pointed out in his interview with Diane Sawyer: 

"I'd like to be able to have my nail polish on long enough that it actually chips off." 

Bruce Jenner has had the full support of his family and friends behind him, with this he now knows people have his back worldwide.

I think I'll paint mine black  #PaintYourNailsforBruce

The Divorce Show: Kris & Bruce Jenner

We're All Part Of The Divorce Show

Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner love living apart, a whole Hell of a lot..!

Kris has filed for divorce, 11 months after the Keeping Up With the Kardashians stars announced they had separated. But of course they did.

Reports state they are still friendly, whatever. I am merely letting this cat out of the bag because lots of other people actually care. Also Mr/Ms Jenner is a Gold Medal Olympic Winner and starred in the inexplicable gay cult film Can't Stop The Music with The Village People, which is so bad it isn't even camp.

"Happy Anniversary to one of the most amazing men I know!!!!" Kris wrote to Bruce at the time. 

Well: Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye

Thanks for the fame whore memories, let's hope Bruce's Olympic Legacy will always be honored after this debacle.

Do You See What I See? : http://www.brucejenner.com/