Michael's Musings

"Breathe You In 'Til I Hallucinate"
Michael Shinafelt

"I hallucinate when you call my name 

Got stars in my eyes, And they don't fade when you come my way

I'm losing my m-m-m-mind" - Hallucinate, Dua Lipa

You know how ever so often a song gets stuck in your head and you can't get it out? Ya know, Out Damned Song!!! This week, you guessed it Hallucinate via Dua Lipa is that song. There are way worse ones I could be burdened with to be sure. At least I enjoy this one, but there have been those times where that one annoying ditty is lodged in your mind, Baby Shark anyone? Anyone??? 

Since last week we finally have a new President elect and the first woman Vice President ever...Yay!!!

I went to an Elephant Preserve while I was in San Antonio last week. It was a great experience learned a lot, got a photo taken while I was holding the Elephant's trunk...was there with family, good times!

Law & Order: SVU premieres tonight - Can I get an amen???

You say you found Jesus?! You're still a whore

We now know how fascism dies. Between a dildo shop and a crematorium. 

This race has come down to a WAP, trust...

One should live their life in such a manner that the entire planet does not dance in the streets when they lose their job. Just sayin'.

Dear Obese Turtle - You're Fired!

Woman Crush of the Week - you knew it had to be Dua Lipa since her song is on a loop in my mind, right?!

Knowledge isn't answers, rather questions inside questions, forever

Mary needs sugar in her life if she is going to Watusi with the gang

I got on my scale and screamed, "Stop the count!" Didn't work there either 

Murder Hornets inhabit the White House at present, think about it, but not too much

"If Kanye doesn’t run up and interrupt Trump during his concession speech there is no justice in this world" - Whitney Cummings

Interrupt Me, Here:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

Michael's Musings

Back Off!
Michael Shinafelt
Photo: Daniel G. Lam 

How is everyone's Social Distancing going? SD is the word of the year, that is this week. Anyway I am using this time creatively and to try and binge watch HBO's The Outsider which I did DVR , but have yet to view.

"Yes" this is what it's come to minions, stay safe and healthy it's time for me to do my weekly thang!

Watched Ma with Octavia Spencer yesterday, I hope she got paid well...

Perhaps we should unplug 2020, wait 10 seconds and try plugging it back in to see what happens

No matter how bored you get, just say no to texting your ex 

May the strap on be with you

There's still good in this world, Porn Hub is offering it's premium service free to the people of Italy  

So glad I don't have children during this time. I'm sure they would try to make me learn Tik Tok dances 

The plan isn't always the plan, especially when one gets punched in the mouth 

Right now I am thinking: "What would Pee Wee Herman do?" it's my happy place 😊

Woman Crush of the Week: Whitney Cummings, her Tweets make me LOL

Dogs may be man's best friend, but cats don't show the Police where your drugs are...

Today's secret word is: Fondle (think about it, but not too much)

If there's something weird, and it don't look good, who you gonna call? Not Donald Trump, that's for sure!!!

Dolphins have returned to the canals of Venice since human activity in them has ceased

Like to watch?

Watch me here:
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Michael's Musings

TBT: Go Into The Light
Michael Shinafelt

"Blinded by the light, Revved up like a deuce" - Blinded By The Light, Manfred Mann's Earth Band

Remember this song? Remember how inaudible the lyrics were? So much so that "Revved up like a deuce" sounded like, and everyone thought they were singing "Wrapped up like a douche?" Yeah, that pretty much says it all. Time to slide, minions...

We are all children of the universe, no less than the trees and stars. Except for, well we know who the exceptions are, now don't we?

There are no cards in Hell, they already know they're against humanity

Best Wishes go out to legend Catherine Deneuve who suffered a stroke 

Only one more episode left of American Horror Story: 1984!!! 

"The fact that some people are mistaking Keanu Reeves age appropriate girlfriend with Helen Mirren is wild. In hollywood, if you’re not 24, you might as well be 70." - Whitney Cummings

Did you know the Bible is 100% accurate? Especially when thrown at close range.

When George gets a little too curious, mysterious things go down

Ice-T liked one of my Tweets about Law & Order: SVU - that happened

Speaking of SVU Margaret Cho guests stars tonight as the head of a sex trafficking ring, oh my!

Woman Crush of the Week - Brooke Candy for celebrating sexual freedom

Oh, speaking of which - Jizz Lord

I'm going to Disneyland!

Did you know you can flash people with your cell phone? The truth is out there.

There are always going to be squirrels spreading f#ckery

A shout out to Kelly Clarkson, whoever your stylist for your talk show is, they must really hate you!

Help me find where I put it at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Michael's Musings

Is It Safe?
Michael Shinafelt

Last night like all good horror fans should, I watched the premiere of American Horror Story: 1984. It's off to a great start, every 80's slasher film cliche is intact and used. I especially like the references to other slasher epics in it...i.e. hitting a man in the middle of the road on the way to the summer camp (I Know What You Did Last Summer) The mental patients all escaped and roaming the grounds of the asylum (Halloween) or the pretty much exact replica of Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th now christened Camp Redwood.

Hopefully the premiere continues to deliver on it's promise...

Words of Wisdom: Do not waste my tea!

Do you move your eyes when you eat and then moan?

Friends don't let friends bang girls at animal shelters because they want them to

Do you want to be a notorious homosexual when you grow up?

Although I know it's stuffing, who can resist a hung guy with a pornstache? I bring you Matthew Morrison in American Horror Story: 1984!!!

Pretty Little Liars Shay Mitchell celebrated her baby shower with, drum roll please, strippers! You go girl!

Is there anyone out there who gets excited over eating breakfast? Asking for a friend.

She used to be a Nun, she taught Catholic School after all

Woman Crush of the Week - Billie Lourd as Montana Duke on AHS: 1984

Retweet instead of bossing me around

"Hot new trend alert: people acting like dicks then calling their behavior "self-care" - Whitney Cummings

A smile and some ruffled sleeves do not say "jobs for everyone"

If the only way we could survive was for you to cut our your tongue, I'll do it for you

Do you think Melania Trump is any good at charades?!

Let your Freak Flag fly with me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Chelsea And Sandra Do Mardi Gras

Sandra Bullock & Chelsea Handler: Beads-A-Plenty!

Flashing expert and raconteur Chelsea Handler took to the streets of New Orleans on Fat Tuesday during the city's renowned Mardi Gras celebration displaying two of her many talents, her boobs.

Yep, in the tradition of many women who have come before her, Cheslea set her girls free for Mardi Gras! 

Joining Chelsea for the festivities were Sandra Bullock, Whitney Cummings, Michael McDonald and Kerri Kenney-Silver.

 Of course Handler tweeted the photo of herself with her shirt up, bra down and nipples completely out for the world to see. 

"Merry Christmas" Early From Chelsea Handler

Chelsea wished everyone a "Merry Christmas" to accompany the image. 

Merry Christmas to you Chelsea Handler, I'm sure you are the woman with the most beads at Mardi Gras. Werk it grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!

If you aren't already - this is proof you need to be following Chelsea Handler on Twitter at:

https://twitter.com/chelseahandler

Comedian Matt McClowry Has A Fear Of Trojan Condoms

Matt McClowry Matt McClowry "Uncomfortable" available digitally on October 7th Since this is the season of things that scare, Matt McClowry admits to his fear of Trojan Condoms in the YouTube clip posted below. If you have not ever heard of Matt, well here's your chance to check him out, don't be afraid... Diagnosed with a high-functioning form of Autism called Asperger's as a teen,  he has spent more than a decade overcoming the syndrome by honing  his stand-up skills on comedy stages across the country.    "McClowry is a tall, clean-cut comedian out of Detroit. His standup is smart and analytical, full of unexpected leaps of logic, and delivered in a deep, distinctive deadpan.  He's funny and engaging." - CityArts

There's no one quite like Matt McClowry. An awkward, gentle soul trapped in a hulking physique, Matt has been surprising audiences for nearly a decade, putting a sharp edge to universal topics like family, relationships, and modern life. Born and raised outside of Detroit, McClowry began his pursuit of a stand up career in 2004 by signing up for a local open-mike night, and his comedy has taken off from there. Over the past 10 years, he has built up both his confidence and writing skills and he now enjoys a reputation as one of the strongest acts in the Midwest.  Part of what gives Matt's comedy a truly unique edge is the fact that he is a high-functioning individual with Asperger's Syndrome. Matt does not fit the stereotypical picture of someone with Asperger's and fans often question him on that point. He finds himself to be much more comfortable on stage than off stage. One common symptom of Asperger's Syndrome is not recognizing humor, and despite being a professional comedian, McClowry is not immune to struggling with that. He has found ways to push past this obstacle and uses Asperger's to influence his career in a positive way. There have been many highlights in Matt's career so far. He has performed at the Boston Comedy Festival, Gilda's LaughFest, The Laughing Skull Comedy Festival, and The Bridgetown Comedy Festival.                                                                               He was a winner at The World Series of Comedy, he has performed at the Oddball Comedy Festival, opened for Whitney Cummings and Marc Maron, and has appeared with Bill Burr at Flappers Comedy Club in Los Angeles. He has been seen on Comcast Television and been heard on Sirius XM Radio.  "With a voice for radio and movie star looks, McClowry can be intense and a bit intimidating in person. He's tall, with broad shoulders and eyes that look right through you. At one point in his life, he considered a career in professional wrestling; seriously or not, one look at him and you can see the possibility. But on stage, he becomes your smart-mouthed brother who dares you not to laugh, and you want to get to know him better - signs of a real star." - Gary Allison, Daily Tribune Pre-order: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/uncomfortable/id922163852 Website: http://mattmcclowry.com/