Michael's Musings

Starman
Michael Shinafelt

"There's a starman waiting in the sky
He'd like to come and meet us
But he thinks he'd blow our minds"

This past week two things have occupied the corners of my mind, David Bowie and Marilyn Monroe in The Misfits. How are they related to my psyche, each other and the world around me? I really don't know. What I do know is both of these things take me to a happy place and in these trying times that's the best medicine there is, time to carry on...

Dug last night's RHOBH watch party. It was fun having two RHONY, Luann de Lesseps and Sonja Morgan commenting on the women from BH.

"Stand By Your Man" sounds better when Tammy Wynette sings it, so does "Justified and Ancient" for that matter.

Life Hack: If you stop weighing yourself, you will stop gaining weight

Those calling out God's name on Sunday morning are not as fun as those who call it out on Saturday night

It's not up to women to fix misogyny, even if it was they wouldn't get paid as much as men to do it

Billie Eilish unfollowed everyone on Instagram, now my  life is complete

May the bridges I burn light the way 

The two top grossing movies in the US at present are Jurassic Park & Jaws: Eff Jaws that movie scares the crap out of me. Eff Jurassic Park because that movie is underwhelming.

Woman Crush of the Week - Marilyn Monroe in The Misfits. The best surprise is no surprise! 

Travel all roads, leave no questions unasked 

I've been dreaming in Haiku's of late

John Cena just ran naked through my mind 

For some reason the Grim Reaper and Florida are synonymous to me

Once upon a time there was a bag of jellybeans...

Go into the light with me at -
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Michael's Musings

TBT: Nerdy Boys Need Love Too!
Michael Shinafelt

So let's get something straight on this week's episode of As The Quarantine Turns. Things are never going back to "normal" thus it's time to get to work on your new "normal" - that's correct Minions now is the time to focus, not tune out. On that note, It's time!

All zoom and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

When all else fails ask yourself: What would Olivia Benson do? 

It's all in the flow of the hips

Superheroes wear masks, and so do you

Dorinda Medley on RHONY: I almost became an alcoholic! Me watching: Almost?!

I know what you did last summer...f#cking nothing!!!

Finally saw Joker, I was sure I wasn't going to like it. I was wrong, it wasn't at all what I thought it would be. "Yes" that's a good thing 😉 Joaquin Phoenix deserved that Oscar!

In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst human being in the world would be two different people.

Woman Crush of the Week - Lisa Rinna, because her Pandemic Tik Tok videos are off the hook!

This week's go to catch phrase: Morbidly Obese

I can't wait to be able to start licking things again!

Are you fancy now?
Spill, what's your current mood? Mine is pizza!!!

Tell me your secrets, don't be scared

Here's where you can tell me them:
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Michael's Musings

Michael Shinafelt

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" -Peter Finch, Network 1976

Never has a quote from a brilliant film seemed more relevant than now. Sidney Lumet Directed what was then considered a satire. Oh how times have changed prophetic would be more exact. Faye Dunaway was brilliant in this as well. This is my current mood, and I own it.

I'm sorry the old Michael can't interact with you now. Why? Because he's dead. Yep, here we go minions! 

Your Mom likes to be tied up...the more you know

I don't like your little games (or your big ones)

Can I just say the BH 90210 reboot is wildly entertaining? I just said it, so there!

Bitches, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

Shelby is a debutante, don't be Shelby she is boring AF

Thinking about karma not drama (seriously drama is for losers)

If you haven't yet take a trip "Over The Rainbow" you know that place where happy little blue birds fly...

Hallelujah I'm a Witch - I'm going to do you like I want to

The Amazon Rain Forest is in flames if you can please help by donating online 

"As per usual, super awesome time to be a Jewish person! Also HARD PASS on non-Jews telling Jewish people how to behave/think also fuck this human vomit who is currently infecting the white house #shalom" - Leslie Grossman

Woman Crush of the Week - Christina Hendricks

The one word that sums up most things? Whatever!

I dream of Electric Taco Trucks with Rice Krispie treats

Bethenny Frankel exits the Real Housewives of New York City...in the immortal word of Nancy Kerrigan: Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy?!

You have questions? I have answers. Follow me and find them out.

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Michael's Musings

Join Me?
Michael's Musings

Mueller, Muller, Muller that's all I ever hear, so let's take a sabbatical with Michael, Michael, Michael - You know you want it minions, it's time...

Who is this milk-bull, and how can I trap him in my esophagus?

Denise Richards on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is my spirit animal!

How fast do you think Meghan Markle doffed her high heels after the photo of her Prince Harry and Archie was clicked? Ouch!

Seriously, it only takes thirty seconds?

Am I the only one who thought Tinsley Mortimer's ringmaster get up on The Real Housewives of New York was so Baby Jane Hudson?

Trader Joe's organic Flaxseed, two tablespoons every morning, the more you know

Booze, it's a family affair

Spitters suck, think about it, but not too much

Archie & Sabrina
KJ Apa & Kiernan Shipka

“me & the royal baby. congrats meghan & harry!” - Kiernan Shipka

People will stare, make it worth their while

Caught a screening of the great film Wild Things with my spirit animal Denise Richards in it on the rooftop of The Montalban in Hollywood last night - "F#ck Off!"

Witches who paddle board, discuss

Marie Osmond is joining The Talk I may actually DVR an episode now, yeah I've never seen it

Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you

I have a head for business and a bod for sin, so follow me at:
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Michael's Musings

Tell Everyone What Your Really Think
Michael Shinafelt

Hello minions I just got in from a screening of The Nun at the Arclight in Hollywood. Honestly I am feeling completely underwhelmed especially since the horror opus from which it sprang, The Conjuring was actually good. Basically I'm stating that The Nun is lame.

Apparently this is my week for "The" films because Tuesday night I took in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds under the stars on the rooftop of The Montalban Theater.

In other news...

I'm Team Nike

Op-ed is the word

This isn't my first time at the human doll rodeo!

Why is it when I see the acronym for The Real Housewives of New York, RHONY I think "Real Horny?!"

All hail the New York Times

Byline of the week - "Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop to Pay $145,000 in Vaginal Egg Settlement"(this is wrong in so many ways, think about it, but not too much)

Boooooooo! Kyle Richard's American Woman has been cancelled after only one season

Colin Kaepernick

Colin Kaepernick, Colin Kaepernick, Colin Kaepernick 

I'm looking forward to the new Halloween movie, I'm sure it's better than The (F#cking) Nun

A woman while sitting across from me on the bus the other day was sucking on a dildo, the more you know

There's a new sensation that's sweeping the nation: Name That Author

Silent Disco, beware of the music that no one can hear...

What now Little Bunny Foo Foo?

You've heard of the 12 Monkeys, now there is the 45th Buffoon 

Time to get oiled up with me at:
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Michael's Musings

It's Summertime, Don't Be Cruel
Michael Shinafelt

It's the first day of Summer and the motto for it is "Don't Be Cruel!" It's also just another Manic Thursday - what? Monday isn't the only manic day of the week it simply had a nice ring and thus The Bangles birthed a ditty about it. So it is, and so it shall be written forever, indeed.

This week has been quite challenging to myself and many children who had no right to have the scars left on them by the monster in the closet they always feared. 

Moving on...

I'm officially down 45lbs. - that's correct I weigh 168!

But what does it mean?!

Tinsley Mortimer of the RHONY needs to get a job. She went wedding dress shopping and she isn't even engaged. Tragic,

Sometimes you have to make a huge mistake to really appreciate your life again

There's a fine line between pleasure and pain, and I know what that line is 

Janet Jackson has opened up about her intense battle with depression. Welcome to the club and thanks for addressing it, Janet.

Strike a poser

Why R U So Scary?!
Selena Gomez

Why did adorable Selena Gomez have to start giving me nightmares

I get enough nightmares daily with the current State of the Union

Step in time, never need a reason, never need a rhyme...

Keep the kids, deport the deplorable's 

The Deplorable's should be the next follow-up to Pixar's  The Incredible's 2 - I bet they would have a field day with it!

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens"

When in doubt, shout, shout, let it all out!

Summertime, I hope the living is easy...

Why don't you cum up and see me sometime at:
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Michael's Musings

Seriously?!
Michael Shinafelt

This weeks word is seriously. What's that you say? I know, I know I have never had a word of the week before. Well this week I do, get over it.

Seriously can take on many forms. It can mean seriously WTF?! Or seriously you really did that? Or seriously you just said that?

I will be addressing all forms of the word in printed matter this week. Shall we play games???

Donald Trump wants to enlist the military to build the wall between the US & Mexico. Ummmmmm...does he realize most of the military is made up of Latin immigrants? 

The Bible, read in the condescending voice of a 14 year old atheist

I have learned how to prepare nutritious foods for hermaphrodite aliens

The Real Housewives of New York premiered last night. The bitches are back!

Went to the drop dead beautiful Lynda Carter's star ceremony on Hollywood's Walk of Fame. Yes, I really did.

Hate your job? Try astral projection 

Honestly I am truly disturbed by the fact that we live in a society where adults mock teenage survivors of a mass shooting

The Horror!
Joan Collins

Joan Collins is going to be on Season 8 of American Horror Story. Way to gay Ryan Murphy!

Beware of the Sourpatch Kid that thinks

When you accidentally dial a wrong number always say: "Is this the cocksucker residence?"

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".- Maya Angelou 

Always remember, Lala Kent still uses a baby bottle, she's 27

Don't do anything I wouldn't do...Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Now it's time to say goodbye and follow me at:
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