Do You Have Any Grey Poupon?

Twist The Clown Says:
Have A Killer Picnic!

Today I have Grey Poupon in abundance because guess what Minions? It's National Picnic Day...Weeeeeeeee!!!

Twisty the Clown from American Horror Story is here to join us, he's bringing lots of ketchup if you get my drift...

Now THAT'S my kind of picnic, give me some pickles and we're good to break out the red and white checkered blanket and get greedy for grub!

What's at your picnic???

National Picnic Day on the WWW -

https://nationaltoday.com/national-picnic-day/

"Something Wiced This Way Comes..."

Want A Cheese Sandwich?!
Leslie Grossman & Macauly Culkin

Get ready for something wicked (like every season) in the 10th upcoming season of American Horror Story with the current working title "Pilgrim." There has been much speculation as to what this season could be about.

It is currently shooting in Provincetown, MASS, OK, so there's water involved I am guessing. Which lead to some initial theories that it may be a Jaws like sea monster theme for the upcoming season. Then Ryan Murphy released an image of a creature from the set that quite resembles one of the vampires from Stephen King's Salem's Lot. I doubt it's vampires Minions he already did that in "Hotel."

Whatever it is, I am sure the duo above, Leslie Grossman and Macauly Culkin, looking quite sinister I might add, are wicked like my byline says. That is after all the caption Ryan Murphy used under the image when he posted it on Instagram, so there!

AHS on IG -

https://www.instagram.com/ahsfx/?hl=en  

Countdown To Halloween...

Give It Up Do As I Say
Lady Gaga

This year with Halloween being tailored to COVID 19, I still think it's important to get into the spirit (of course the pun was intended.) It's my favorite time of the year. This being stated I thought I would share with you what a huge fan I am of vampires.

"Yes" I love vampires, when I was a youngster I wanted to be one when I grew up. Yeah, there's that...

Here to represent is Lady Gaga as The Countess from American Horror Story: Hotel. While AHS: Hotel had it's flaws (all seasons of that show do, some more than others.) I enjoyed it for the most part. Especially how they set it in Hollywood and fictionalized real Show Biz icons and Serial Killers, into the tapestry of the story.

Well Minions we only have 21 more days until the High Holy Day, and if you want next year to be more celebratory, get out and VOTE! 

Voters Information at:

https://www.vote.org/   

Only 27 More Days...

Jump My Bones
Gus Kenworthy 

With all the chaos in the world let's not lose sight of what's important this month, Halloween! "Yes" Minions it's that time of year again, for tricks & treats. Honestly I don't know the difference between a trick and a treat, both are equally fun 😉 

Today's Halloween poster guy is Gus Kenworthy seen here as a sexy skeleton of some sort at American Horror Story's 100 episode celebration. You may remember Gus was in AHS: 1984, the season of episode 100.

Honestly I chose Gus because he is showing some chest and he has hair on it, yep I like a man with a hairy chest. 

Mic Drop!

Gus on IG -

https://www.instagram.com/guskenworthy/?hl=en 

Michael's Musings

TBT: Feel The Blonde
Michael Shinafelt

The week in review? Let's not and say we went there, shall we? Yeah, it's like that. While everything is what you make of it, some things are more challenging than others and push you to find your super power within. Luckily the power to be my own Superhero exists in me, and you minions.

I have not lasted this long to be taken out by a virus named after a light beer. Hear that Orange Julius?! Here we go again, as it will and always shall be, it's time!!!

Nothing says love like a chocolate maggot

Billy sticks his finger in Susan's clam, what happens next? Discuss...

Rivers, veiny and rushing (yes, that's an entendre) 

FYI I've put it all on the record, uh-huh

Taylor Swift is "The Man" in her new music video, puns are in the heart

Let me show the the exact moment  _________ what would you like me to see peeps? Show me...

Macaulay Culkin set to appear in Season 10 of American Horror Story, I wonder if he'll be Home Alone in it?

Overheard while grocery shopping. Woman to her friend: "Booze, I must have some booze."

Woman Crush of the Week - Lala Kent of Vanderpump Rules. Sobriety is a good look for you, keep it up grrrrrrrl!

#MakeHumanityGreatAgain

Hey let's go back to the pod

Riddle me this, why does my face hurt sometimes after working out?

Remember to always keep feeling fascination 

Fun Fact of the Day: Ryan Gosling owns a pair of King Tut slippers 

What do I own? Find out at the links below...if you dare!
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Michael's Musings

TBT: Blonde Jock
Michael Shinafelt

Today I am in a Throwback Thursday state of mind, hence the photo of myself I chose to use. "Yes" I was once young bleached blonde Guy full of ambition and a few other things 😈 Honestly I am happier and like myself more now than I did then. The old adage is true "Youth is Wasted on the Young" - Unless your Miley Cyrus, then that's a whole other story...

Well It Chapter Two is number one at the BO, no surprise there. Friends whose opinions I trust have not liked it. I honestly found the first one tedious and not scary in the least, I will be sitting this one out. I'll wait till it hits cable thus having the option to switch channels it I so choose 🎈

I had such a challenging week, a snappers falling out eyeball is a welcome change 

Smells Like Pumpkin Spice Spirit...Boo!

If you have an unusual, obscure name, don't get arrogantly correct people when they pronounce it wrong. Your parents F#cked you over, deal with it!

Attention, you know I just found what your looking for

This coming Wednesday September 18th American Horror Story: 1984 premieres. Honestly I love that they are taking on 80's slasher movies. Anything would be better than last season.

In the spirit of Throwback Thursday, I remember the time I met the late, great David Bowie. "Yes" I nearly wet myself.

Woman Crush of the Week - Lizzo 

"Many people say" is a Trump code for racist lie coming at ya!

Now that Marie Osmond is on The Talk I really need to watch it at least once

"Bitch, We're Gay, Not Vampires!" Sh!t Gays say to religious fanatics waving a cross at them...

Michael, as in me, myself and I says: Relax (see Frankie isn't the only one who can do it, just sayin')

Current Mood...refer to the above image 

And aren't you happy? Seriously, aren't you? Be well minions!

Now it's time to follow me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Sh!t Leslie Grossman Says

Savagely Wicked
Leslie Grossman

I follow a number of celebrities on Twitter of varying degrees and for various reasons like the rest of you. Well today I wanted to pay tribute to one of the funnier ones Leslie Grossman. Leslie first appeared on my radar with her savagely wicked portrayal of Merry Cherry on the short lived, but brilliant show Popular.

Of late she joined Ryan Murphy's repertoire of players on American Horror Story in Cult as Meadow Wilton in another savagely wicked turn, thus returning every season since. Can you guess where I am going with this? "Yes" Leslie's Tweets are savagely wicked. Thus here is some of my favorite "Sh!t Leslie Grossman Says!" -

"Only interested in politicians with an F rating from the NRA"

"TRULY SO HAPPY AND THRILLED FOR EVERYONE I KNOW ON AMAZING SUMMER VACATIONS WHILE I SPEND MY SUMMER STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE 405 BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR LIFE ALTERING TRIPS WHILE I STAY HOME INHALING SMOG AND ENLARGING MY PORES"

"I just ate pretzel m+m’s AND a few fistfuls of mini Oreos so don’t let anyone ever tell you your dreams can’t come true"

"The person next to me on this plane brought their own bag of HARD BOILED EGGS. I AM A GOOD PERSON I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS HAPPENING."

"I have no time to do anything yet I am always fully caught up on all franchises of the Real Housewives and my commitment is either impressive or pathetic I can’t decide"

"Important update: from here on out I will only call Southern Charm “Bapadoo”. I realize this is an incredibly niche tweet."

"Let’s vote legendary asshole Mitch McConnell out and take back the senate in 2020 WE CAN DO THIS"

"That specific relief when that person bombing your insta feed with their AMAZING VACATION finally comes the fuck home"

Follow Leslie on Twitter, like me...

https://twitter.com/MissLeslieG

The Horror!

Will The Real Sarah Paulson Please Fall In Line?

Well it looks like American Horror Story favorite Sarah Paulson is sitting season 9 out. The upcoming season is titled 1984 and takes place in a summer camp. The teaser gives slasher flick vibes. 

Given how pitiful last season, Apocalypse was I can understand Paulson sitting on the sidelines for this one. Although a throwback to 80's slice em' and dice em' terror seems like a fertile idea.

However I sincerely doubt the low quality of last season is the reason she is sitting out.It seems she has a very full plate of projects at present including a new FX series opposite Cate Blanchett titled Mrs. America. I will for sure tune into that simply to see those two power house actresses square off of with each other.

Whatever the case, this will be the first Sarah less AHS season. Hey TV series are like people, they need to, and should evolve.

Sarah on IG 
https://www.instagram.com/mssarahcatharinepaulson/?hl=en

Michael's Musings

#TBT: Back To The Cave
Michael Shinafelt

"Oh, let's get back to the cave, No-one ever told us we had time to waste
Oh, let's get back to the cave for a little while, Ah, yeah, for a little while" - Lita Ford

Well this week has been quite the week for memes. Between the State of the Union address, Nancy Pelosi & Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, why darlins' it was a tough call but I did pick the one that really resonated with me most as my favorite.

"Yep" it will be featured below and "No" I am not going to tell you which one it is, you're gonna have to read 'till you get to it. Just say "Yes Sir" - now carry on. 

Saw a Valentine's Day commercial for KY Jelly, nothing says I Love You like lube

Nancy Pelosi gives a whole new meaning to "Clap On, Clap Off"

I've been cutting meat all my life

What looks to be one of it's best, season 9 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premieres this Tuesday, meow!

I'm sorry I called you a twat. You're welcome

Lemon water burns fat. The more you know.

The Grammy Awards are this weekend aka the night my insomnia ends 

Is your refrigerator running? If so I might vote for it in 2020.

My Favorite Meme This Week

Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists debuts March 20th, I'm giddy right now

This week's word: Slide

Gus Kenworthy will be playing Emma Roberts boyfriend on season 9 of American Horror Story - File this under things that make you go Hmmmmmmm...

Happy Chinese New Year...Oink!

When in doubt strip like Adam Levine 

"Why is no one talking about how, while Glenn Close is extraordinary in “The Wife”, every other performance in the film is horrendous?" - Tony Tripoli, Comedian 

Come back to my cave at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Smack Down!

Sealed With A Kiss
Sarah Paulson & Billy Eichner

Here I sit surfing the WWW imbibing in my raspberry smoothie when I come across an image of Sarah Paulson & Billy Eichner having a smack down on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live. 

The American Horror Story co-stars are reunited and it feels so good...

Say what?! You are thinking. It's not a smack down of the WWE variety, it's of the kissing kind. "Yes" Sarah is going in for Billy's cheek with her puckered red lips like a football player heading for a touchdown!

Do you think she scored? Hey it's a sure thing.

Mic Drop!

Watch What Happens Live on IG -

https://www.instagram.com/bravowwhl/?hl=en

Just Because...Emma Roberts

Witchy Woman
Emma Roberts

Just Because she's color coordinated, Just Because she's out and about in my hood, Silverlake, CA & Just Because she's baaaaack on American Horror Story this season as bad ass witch Madison Montgomery - Yeah, it's time for some Emma Roberts....

While I am not sure how AHS: Apocalypse is going to tie in Murder House & Coven. "Yes" I know we have all seen the "Leather Man," but how does that puzzle piece fit into the end of the world damn it! One thing is for sure Madison Montgomery, Madison Montgomery, Madison Montgomery.

In case you haven't guessed I loved Emma Roberts as a bitch of a witch on AHS: Coven. So much so that the very thrown together season, which had no F#cking consistency or continuity had another saving grace other than Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates & Angela Basssett.

Looking forward to seeing Emma's reappearance as Madison. Seriously, how could a witch as powerful as her be offed by strangulation? Yeah, that's how lame Coven was.

Mic Drop!

Follow Emma on IG, I do -
https://www.instagram.com/emmaroberts/?hl=en  

Michael's Musings

The Write Stuff
Michael Shinafelt

Hello Beautiful People, it's me! Right here, right now. Could you ask for anything more??? It's time to go forward, move ahead, try to detect it, it's not too late...

Step on a crack, break your Mother's ______ use your imagination and fill in the blank

Tonight I will be attending media night at Knott's Scary Farm (translation, everything is comped) can't wait...woot!

Maroon 5 to headline 2019 Superbowl half time show. Whatever.

Jessica Lange will be returning to American Horror Story as Constance Langdon. This makes sense since Constance was last seen nurturing the Anti-Christ who is a grown ass man now this season.

You were told that it's scary. Do you know that it's true?

Kelly Clarkson is getting a talk show. Perfection.

Death smiles at us all, all one has to do is smile back

And then there's Maude -

Then I was like "whatever bitches" and the bitches whatevered!

Gary Cole

Gary Cole, Gary Cole, Gary Cole

Can you hear me now???

White Punks On Dope, that is all

Do you feel dirty right now?

Smack my bitch up

I'm leaving the building, join me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Michael's Musings

Seriously?!
Michael Shinafelt

This weeks word is seriously. What's that you say? I know, I know I have never had a word of the week before. Well this week I do, get over it.

Seriously can take on many forms. It can mean seriously WTF?! Or seriously you really did that? Or seriously you just said that?

I will be addressing all forms of the word in printed matter this week. Shall we play games???

Donald Trump wants to enlist the military to build the wall between the US & Mexico. Ummmmmm...does he realize most of the military is made up of Latin immigrants? 

The Bible, read in the condescending voice of a 14 year old atheist

I have learned how to prepare nutritious foods for hermaphrodite aliens

The Real Housewives of New York premiered last night. The bitches are back!

Went to the drop dead beautiful Lynda Carter's star ceremony on Hollywood's Walk of Fame. Yes, I really did.

Hate your job? Try astral projection 

Honestly I am truly disturbed by the fact that we live in a society where adults mock teenage survivors of a mass shooting

The Horror!
Joan Collins

Joan Collins is going to be on Season 8 of American Horror Story. Way to gay Ryan Murphy!

Beware of the Sourpatch Kid that thinks

When you accidentally dial a wrong number always say: "Is this the cocksucker residence?"

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".- Maya Angelou 

Always remember, Lala Kent still uses a baby bottle, she's 27

Don't do anything I wouldn't do...Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Now it's time to say goodbye and follow me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Sunday Schwing! Matt Bomer

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Michael's Musings

Giving Zero F#cks
Michael Shinafelt

What can I say about this week that hasn't already been stated in Alternative Facts or other  such things. Seriously, what a sh!t show.

On a more human note I am still losing weight and branching out into new things in my life, like boxing. Oh yeah, I am taking up boxing as my new thing. If I hate it & decided to forgo it I will give you the 411. 

However if I stick with it I will need a punching bag. I think I know the perfect target...


If you are a 45 year old woman who still takes birth control, I can't help you

Underwear Models are hungry

My spin instructor Jessica and I mouthed the words "I'll F#cking Tear You Apart" to each other, during the She Wants Revenge song. The more you know.

Saw a billboard for a movie titled Captain Underpants...underpants, huh?

Just say no to Traipsing 

Once upon a time...

Ryan Murphy needs to create a role for Ann-Margret on American Horror Story

Timeless
Ann-Margret 

I can't believe that there is an Emoji Movie coming out

What would you do for someone with a Black American Express Card?

The reason people awaken, is because they have finally stopped agreeing to things that insult their soul

I'm gonna crumb

What phrase really defines my week thus far? "Bitch, I'm Madonna!"

Bring it on at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Michael's Musings

Is The Sky Falling Yet???
Michael Shinafelt

"The sun'll come out, Tomorrow, Bet your bottom dollar, That tomorrow
There'll be sun!" - Annie

Remember that catchy/obnoxious/over optimistic tune from the Broadway Musical Annie? Of course you fucking do, who could ever forget it?! It really is genius whether you like it or not for that reason alone.

Well Annie, it's a Hard Knock Life and I'm not so sure about what tomorrow will bring, but the reign has come girl!

It's time for me to get in formation and sound off!

Lindsay Lohan converts to Islam. The only person that cares about this "news" is Lindsay herself since people are now gossiping about her again. 

Did any of you spread your legs for the first drop out punk that came along? Inquiring minds want to know.

You never know when someone is going to lick a cat, the threat is real.

Nihilist Thought Of The Day: Always remember you are somebody's reason to smile, because you are a joke

American Horror Story: Inauguration begins tomorrow! It's said to be the scariest season yet!

Can't wait for Lady Gaga to perform at the Superbowl half time show

Betsy DeVos=WTF?! They are now synonymous (given what I have witnessed I'm sure I am speaking over her head with that word)

Did you hear? It's all the rage to emote in public

I'm not a Socialist, but I believe Health Care is a right, not a privilege

Someday's you want to rock it like a heathen, that day is now!

Tomorrow is Black Friday, until next time!

You can find me on Social Media at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt     

Michael's Musings

Naughty Guys Need Love Too
Michael Shinafelt 

Buckle up peeps your in for a bumpy ride with this week's thoughts. Are you ready? OK, let's get to it grab a pussy there's nothing to it...

Disgusting thy name is Donald Trump and the people who voted for him.

Why has no one questioned whether the election was rigged or not? If Hillary had won I am sure the orange bitch baby  would be carrying on instead of stepping down with dignity and class like Clinton did.

They should make a movie about this election and title it: Revenge of the Deplorables.

11/9/2016 Dear Diary, it was 95 degrees or more throughout the Los Angeles area. In the immortal words of Paris Hilton "That's Hot."

Kentucky Muffin, it's a thing, watch Vanderpump Rules if you don't believe me.

They should play the song Tits & Ass from a Chorus Line when Melania Trump makes appearances as First Lady.

Below the line will blow your mind

I will never experience the trauma of couch butt

Sarah Paulson's horrific accent is the scariest thing on this season's American Horror Story "Oh my God!" 

For all you straight men out there who voted for Donald Trump, congratulations you are now going to know what it's like to be f#@ked!

Today I think I will hit Subway, I feel the need to feed on something twelve inches. Sometimes I can be so ambitious. 

Catch you later!

Me on Twitter & Instagram:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/ 

Michael's Musings

It's Better With A Leather Jacket
Michael Shinafelt

As everyone knows this past Monday was Halloween. I attended the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival and had a blast!

Too bad it's over, time to move on, here are my latest thoughts and opinions...


E-mails, E-mails, E-mails are the new Marsha, Marsha, Marsha

Random Rumblings, a man yelled out: "I won the wet T-shirt contest, motherf#ckers!" the other day while I was walking down the street. You go boy, follow that dream!

Personally I love Lady Gaga's latest Joanne. There I said it.

I can't wait to see who the sole survivor is on this seasons American Horror Story.

Scariest thing this past Halloween? I kept getting notifications via Facebook on my phone about who from my friends list was in West Hollywood at the carnival too!!!

Who'd you rather, Jon Hamm or Matt Bomer?

I have a psychic prediction. All of you have semen in your family. 

New season of Vanderpump Rules starts Monday. I have no rational or intelligent explanation as to why I like this show. Discuss. 

My bad, I was trying to sacrifice you to Satan.

I could have lived my whole life without hearing "I Will Always Love You" karaoke style. Ugh!

I recently joined Instagram, follow me there or on Twitter. Do what your Rice Krispies tell you to damn it!

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

"Hooked" on ?6

I'm "Hooked"

OK, how can anything get any more enigmatic than the recent batch of teasers for American Horror Story Season 6?! We have a poster with the moniker "Hooked" and a new teaser that appears to be a botched alien abduction that gives a whole new twist on the "Bend & Snap" routine from Legally Blonde.

The only concrete thing we know about this season which premieres Wednesday September 14th, merely a few scant weeks away, on FX is this: It's set in the lost colony of Roanoke and explains "what happened" AHS style....other than that, who knows what the Hell that is going to be.

Personally I love that they are keeping this season a complete mystery. I have seen some restlessness from fans of the show on the web who want to know, and want to know now! Well, take a valium Veruca Salt and enjoy the fun leading up to the premiere like me! 

Enjoy the botched alien abduction after the jump!

 American Horror Story on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/americanhorrorstory/