Michael's Musings

Take On Me???
Michael Shinafelt

You know the old adage "Don't poke the bear?" Well this bear, done got poked this week. 

Would  you like to know what happens when such a thing goes down? I know you are curious, all the popular people are. To find out this and how other fantastic beasts are faring read on! 

PS Gold's Hollywood, you are welcome for the free plug included in this column 

Dear Kanye West - if you think slavery is a choice, then your mental state is too.

Today's tongue twister: "Someone was caught half naked in the Queen's bedroom" - Queen being an open for interpretation sort of term. 

Whatever it is, I'm sure your opening monologue will cover it

Is there anybody out there?!

Horny guys need love too!

Lisa Vanderpump gifted Kyle Richards with a $3,000 Channel Bag after she loses $1 million in possessions (including bags) in a home burglary. Who says chivalry is dead???

Shout our to my sister Susan Waters who turns the big five-oh this coming Tuesday, that's May the 8th. Welcome to the tribe sis! 

"Come Alive"
Traci Lords

My friend Traci Lords is also turning 50, on Monday May the 7th. In honor of that she is releasing her new single "Come Alive" - "Yes" I've heard it and no you can't until Monday. Stay tuned for our upcoming chat. 

I am the black jeep of the family 

Behold the Dirt Bike Bitch - subway graffiti at it's most random

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels

Blake Lively stopped following her husband Ryan Reynolds on Instagram. "Yes" that was random.

I will survive, but will you?

Just can't get enough? Follow me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Michael's Musings

The New Black???
Michael Shinafelt

This past week has been a "Stormy" one - get it? wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Pretty much every week is of late. 

Seriously with Easter falling on April Fools Day this weekend I feel so conflicted. Do I hunt for eggs or pull a rabbit out of my butt?

It's time to make a decision, and whatever you do make it yours!

What he said -
"The Stormy Daniels story isn't about Trump having an affair with a porn star. That's not news. It is about his campaign trying to threaten, intimidate and illegally use campaign funds to buy her silence just weeks before the election. Don't let the lurid details overshadow this." - George Takei

I licked it, so it's mine

Started doing an abs class on top of spinning, yoga & boxing - what a feeling!

How much wood can Wesley Woods chuck?

#fashioncompassion "Dear @StormyDaniels, I can only imagine how stressful things must be for you right now. Fashion shouldn’t be one of them. Let me know if you need a sleek ensemble. @teampinup @Laura_Byrnes" - Traci Lords

Hey Shakira, you don't have a monopoly on hips that don't lie

Sometimes I wonder...what? You thought I was going to tell you what that was???

Just saw that someone bit Beyonce, all I want to know is, how did she taste?

Renewed & It Feels So Good
Toni Trucks

A "beep beep" to my spin buddy and one of the stars of CBS' Seal Team, Toni Trucks for it getting picked up for season two

Is there anybody out there?

Unreal on Lifetime really lives up to it's title, I mean that in a good way

I have the hots for Teddi Mellencamp's husband Edwin on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Will someone finally reveal "who let the dogs out?!"

And now for my next trick...

Cut loose, Footloose with me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

Michael's Musings

It's All Fun & Games Until...
Michael Shinafelt

Christmas has come and gone and now we are moving on up to 2018, ponder that. Thus this weeks column may be a tad repetitive, considering all the things that have led up to it.

Or perhaps it won't. Whatever, I'm rebel just for kicks now, might've had your fill, but I feel it still...

Wanna be on my level today? Climb!

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? Asking for a friend.

Current Mood? Fuschia 

My Mom visited moi for Christmas, best present ever!

Oh, we went and saw I, Tonya - loved it! Yes, that's a recommendation.

I gained a mere 3 lbs over Christmas, child's play, off in no time

Yoga put a ring on it yesterday 

Sex Cells
Me & Traci Lords

In case you didn't know I went to Sex Cells this past Friday to hang with the awesome Traci Lords

Where in the world is...(you know someone whose name should be here) 

Shout Out to my buddy Tom Connan who has a brilliant new single out Charlie - listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIBZ5kklVAM

Speaking of Charlie's isn't A Charlie Brown Christmas one of the best Holiday specials ever?

Who the F#ck is styling Lisa Rinna & Erika Jayne during their confessionals this season on RHOBH? Ladies, just say "No"

Speaking of "No" that is what I say every year when my Dr. tries to convince me to get a flu shot. Guess what? I never get the flu and people I know who receive the shot get sick, Hmmmmmmm...

On that note, follow me and party like it will be 2018 the next time we connect. Why? Because it will be! 

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/mshinafelt?lang=en

Michael's Musings

I'm Taking A Ride With...
Michael Shinafelt

It's Thursday and it's my time again. This week has been an interesting one. It made me contemplate about the things that drive me.

Well they are different from day to day, much like all of you I am sure. One day my focus is pushing myself further, other times it's lust, love, money or physical improvement. There is always of course peace with ones self which is the ultimate goal.

Oh, and sometimes I feel like Janet Leigh and go a little bit Psycho, and am the road to nowhere - hence the T-Shirt in the image this week. I know my skin images are much more popular on here, flesh will be returning next week. This week I decided to have some fun with an Instagram app this one.

Summary: Everything that drives me and all of you is random day to day, like this column. It's time let's play!

My refrigerator swings both ways

Cornrows are an important part of our diet

I know tongue talk

Truce? Now let's have some calamari

Justin Bieber cancelled his tour because he found God. Those wacky pot heads.

"Can't Get Enough" the latest video from Quiet Riot now fronted by American Idol alumni James Durbin, thoughts?

Kathy Griffin's house is up for sale. Karma.

Bigotry, just say no

When you wish upon a...fill in the blank

Brie is life! Don't judge me.

Traci Lords is on a roll!

Always remember a glass of Cabernet is always the key to victory

Drive with me at:
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt    

That's So Random, Traci Lords

It's been a busy time for my friend Traci Lords, why just yesterday a fashion campaign she is in for Helmut Lang dropped (refer to the photo above.) Not to mention she has her own successful line of clothing with the title Pin-Up Girl.

As if that isn't enough she has been busy at work on the TV show Swedish Dicks which premieres on PopTV August 9th.

Well, Traci stopped by to respond to 10 random things I threw at her, hey that's what friends are for. Ready? Of course you are...

OK Traci, here we go!

MS: Swedish Dicks

TL: Fun with Dick & Jane! Popping up August 9th on PopTV. Find your channel at PopTv.com

MS: Helmut Lang

TL:  Rebel

MS: Martini, Gin or Vodka?

TL: Dirty. Gin.

MS: Pin-Up Girl

TL: Forever

MS: Swedish Meatballs

TL: Salty Devils

MS: Wanda Woodward

TL: OG #restingbitchface

MS: French Kissing

TL: Never on Mondays

MS: Fashion

TL: Whore

MS: Garbage

TL: sisterfromanothermister

MS: Beat It Creep

TL: John Waters Mustache

Thanks Traci!

Follow Traci on the WWW at:

https://www.instagram.com/tracilords/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/thetracilords
www.tracilords.com/   

Michael's Musings

Give It A Name
Michael Shinafelt

"Come on everybody, I say now let's play a game, I betcha I can make a rhyme out of any body's name. The first letter of the name' I treat it like it wasn't there" - The Name Game, Shirley Ellis 

For some random, yet most likely not one this song came into my mind this particular week. I am not about or above calling names when they are deserved. However I am responding to the timelessness of this song and it's many interpretations. Especially the iconic performance of Jessica Lange's rendition of it on American Horror Story: Asylum.

This week we play the name game.

Male sure you always wear underwear. You don't want your "V" on TMZ. 

Don't make me unleash the powers of the underworld  

New Acronym DAB = Dense Ass Beotch 

I'd like to indict on more than three pubic hairs and a confession

Sometimes you need to do push-ups with someone on your back

Porn for the paranoid 

Seriously?! Who Dressed You?!
Mariah Carey

Dear Mariah, WTF?! Get a new stylist and some glasses that are preferably not rose colored

Traci Lords coming soon in "Swedish Dicks"

I have something most guys don't 

I played an online avatar game where you push Donald Trump off a cliff into a volcano, laughed every time I did it, I couldn't keep track of how many times that was

Sometimes: "You kicked my ass" is always the correct response 

My name is Hyena I am 26

Go Balls Out with me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/mshinafelt?lang=en   

Michael's Musings

Step Away From The Food
Michael Shinafelt

Weekly update. I lost ten, count them ten pounds over this past week. Why am I telling you this? Because I am very proud of it, so there.

I also need to be held accountable. Thus if I tell all of you, then I can't fuck it up. Moving on let's get to my weekly outlet. Oh yeah!

I don't fuck much with the past, why bother

Lying is the most fun you can have without taking off your clothes. That's why I am losing weight I need to find a new hobby.

Whenever I think: can people get any dumber, the answer is always "yes"...sigh.

Trumpelestiltskin

Oh Yeah, The Met Gala 

Congratulations To
Traci Lords

Traci Lords is celebrating the 1 year anniversary of her clothing line with Pin-Up Girl. Congratulations Grrrrrrrrrl! 

I'm in a Pennywise state of mind

Smoking in the girls room - Bella Hadid & Rami Malek. Grody to the max!

J-Lo & A-Rod, hot as fuck

Mike Clifford rulz!

R.I.P. Ms Francine York

Has anyone ever wondered why they call something made out of beef a hamburger?

OK, I give in...May the 4th be with you. Happy now?!

Use it, or lose it, with me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/mshinafelt?lang=en    

Michael's Musings

Want To Know What's Behind The Curtain???
Michael Shinafelt
Photo: Jay Jorgensen

This past week has been really boring if you ask me. Hey, my life is pretty stimulating it's the "important" events happening in the world that need to rise to a competent level of intelligence.

OK, there were some bright spots, and many lows. I will try to put some restraints on myself, even though that is usually not my style (I usually do the restraining) and try to limit the negative.

Are you ready boots? Let's start walkin'...

Nordstrom stock went up when they dumped Ivanka Trump's clothing line, made in China. Keeping America great.

I've been such a dick on a broomstick of late aka I've been speaking my mind and taking no shit

While typing a text auto-correct kept changing the word "dildo" into "soldier" - AC has one fucking hell of an imagination!

Lady Gaga totally blew me away at the Superbowl, her performance was brilliant. The most impressive part to me was when she caught the football and jumped with precision timing. Hell, I know I couldn't do that.

Betsy DeVos secured her seat as Secretary of Education. Two things. The first is I am so grateful I did not bring a child into this world, the second? Pink Floyd called it on their song Another Brick in the Wall apparently "We Don't Need No Education" 

Wednesday On Thursday  - I hated everyone before it was mainstream...

Did you know you can find my chat with Traci Lords about her clothing line for Pin-Up Girl on her website? Here is the link: http://www.tracilords.com/press/  our exchange is under the byline "Traci Lords Pin-Up Girl"

I read an article about how crystal dildos can heal your vagina and make it a magical place. Yeah, I know I don't have one, but who could resist that read???

Faye Dunaway & Warren Beatty are presenting the Oscar for Best Picture this year. Now that's gangsta!

Counting down the days until April 18th when the final season of Pretty Little Liars airs and we find out everything. It's the only show I am obsessed with, don't judge me.

For my money Moonlight is the Best Picture of the year.

That's a wrap peeps!

Here's where you can find me on the WWW:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/mshinafelt?lang=en  

Michael's Musings

Who's Your Daddy?
Michael Shinafelt

The second or third sign of fall weather is happening right now in Los Angeles. The other times it happened the following week after it went back up to 90 degrees. We'll see if this time it will stick, in the meantime it's Thursday, time for me to do my usual sounding off!

Remember when just last year Helena Handbasket was the name of a Drag Queen and not the place the United States was headed?

Can anyone recommend a place that makes sturdy dog tags for people?

Kendall Jenner reveals why she deleted her Instagram account...and I now have one, and aren't you happy?!

Madonna is going to do Carpool Karaoke with James Corden... Tricks! Not! 

FYI - I'm not political, I'm anti-asshole 

“Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others" - Oscar Wilde

Walk away from the Xanax

Doing lunch today with lovely Pin-Up Girl Traci Lords

Name something that makes you say "yes"

I'm going to start yelling Oedipus instead of Motherfucker and see if anyone catches on

Today is Rhonda Bernstein's Birthday, wish her a happy one would ya?

My brain is starting to spin, time to sign off. Have a terrific day and check me out on Twitter & Instagram at:

https://twitter.com/MShinafelt
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/

Celebrating Pin-Up Girl With Traci Lords!

OK, so here is the 411 on this past Friday September 23rd, I went to the launch of "Bad Girl" Traci Lords clothing line for Pin-Up Girl at the boutique in Burbank, CA with one of my partners in crime Ms. Jackie Kilmer.

It was an awesome evening! The clothes? Well if I were a woman they would definitely be my groove! Oh, and don't forget there are T-Shirts available for all you guys out there who are Traci fans too. So rather than me going on, and on, here are some photos from a really great evening "Beat It Creep!"

Designing Women
Traci Lords & Laura Byrnes

Make-Up?
Robert Hensley & Traci Lords

Giving Good Face
Michael Shinafelt & Traci Lords
Photo: Robert Hensley

"Beat It Creep!"
Traci Lords & The Pin-Up Girl Gang


Get your Pin-Up On With Traci at:
https://twitter.com/thetracilords?lang=en
https://www.facebook.com/tracilords/
https://www.instagram.com/tracilords/

Check Out Her Clothing Line at:
 https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/     

Michael's Musings

Look Into My Eyes & Stop Staring At My Nipples
Michael Shinafelt

OK, I called this column Michael's Monday Musings last time, well because they were published on a F#@king Monday. 

From now on I will simply call it Michael's Musings. You never know when and where they will turn up. Are you ready? Here I go again!!! 

Thanks to a well played PR stunt on Dancing With The Stars Ryan Lochte and Cheryl Burke remain. Like they would actually have Burke kicked immediately off after her return to the show?!

If you haven't seen Don't Breathe yet and are a horror/suspense fan, from one to another, I highly recommend it, go!

To Sex-Head, I mean E.G. Daily currently starring in Rob Zombie's 31, congratulations! To the rest of you see it, see it!

I heard a Latin Woman call a Latin Man "N" word pimp the other day. Thanks Donald Trump for the perpetuating of twisted hate.

I recently dumped 13 pounds. Worship me, I am 50.

Why is everyone forgetting Angelina Jolie is Bisexual all of the sudden?

American Horror Story Season 6 is off to quite the lively start. I jumped twice! Can't wait for tonight's episode.

The humidity in Los Angeles this week is grody to the max!

 A shout out to Volcano Girl Shani Bayne who recently returned from Nicaragua producing a shoot in a, well, volcano. We met up for spin class for the first time in over a month yesterday,she had no lava burns or lamps.

To my favorite "bad girl" Ms. Traci Lords. Looking forward to attending the launch of your clothing line for Pin-Up Girl this Friday at the boutique in Burbank. 

That's all folks!

Follow me on Twitter at:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

Michael's Monday Musings

Don't Bother Me, I'm Basking
Michael Shinafelt

Today, rather than devote space to one thing I decided to give it up to many things. My impressions of this past week. Are you ready? Fasten your seat belts, because it's going to come hard and fast!

Congratulations to RuPaul on winning his first Emmy as reality TV show host. Much deserved, he is so good at what he does.

People who whistle in public places need to be silenced. It's really annoying.

My condolences to the Arquette family. I have encountered Alexis over the years he was a sweet soul. I am sorry for your loss.

I am loving the Real House Wives of New York reunion shows. Especially Bethenny Frankel for bringing bitchy back! So glad Jules Wainstein is not returning, I couldn't believe how much vagina she brought to the table.

Living in Southern California is the best! The weather of late has been so amazing.

Pretty Little Liars summer finale has only been little over a week ago and damn I miss that show already. Hurry up April 2017!

American Horror Story Season 6 premieres this Wednesday. That will fill the "Liars" void.

Nothing is better than a great spin class, luckily I have found two instructors at Gold's Gym Hollywood that fit the bill. Cheers Michelle and Jessica you are the best!

People yelling "Beat It Creep" at me when I am walking down the street wearing the T-Shirt Traci Lords gave me from her clothing line with the saying on it is always good fun.

I'm ready for the election to be over, seriously it feels like it's been going as long as I've been alive!

Follow me on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

Traci Lords Pin-Up Girl

It's The Traci Dress!
Traci Lords & John Waters

Actress, Singer, Author, Songwriter, Icon these are the adjectives that come up when you mention the name Traci Lords.

Well saddle up because there is a new adjective in town to add to Traci's resume: Clothing Designer.

That's correct Traci has a new vintage clothing line from a design company with the moniker Pin-Up Girl a company that meshes seamlessly with her fashion sense and image.

Tired of having to alter pieces to flatter her curvy figure Traci set out to design ready to wear clothes for women like herself. The line also has a shout out to her character Wanda Woodward from John Waters Cry-Baby. Hey guys she didn't forget us, there is a T-shirt that was made just for us men as well. Time for Traci!

MS: Hey, Traci how's your day going?

TL: Fine, I'm just recovering from a whirlwind last week at Burger Boogaloo.

MS: Was it a good time?

Beat It Creep!
Traci & Laura Byrnes of Pin-Up Girl

TL: Yeah, it was a lot of fun! I've never been to it before, they do it every year. It's like a punk rock, rockabilly festival. It's all outside and it's in Oakland, CA, Jello Biafra was the DJ there. John Waters had done it last year, he was the Mister of ceremonies so when it came up this year they asked me to co-host it with him. I knew it was a big deal when I had family in town the week before and my nephew who is twenty-six now asked "What are you doing aunt Traci?" I told him I was going to MC an event where a band called The Mummies were playing. He said "The Mummies, oh my god!" They were all dressed like mummies, they were pretty groovy. The clientele was really great too sometimes the nicest people you meet are the ones covered in tattoos and dressed in leather, and the conservative looking ones in the suits are the ones you have to watch out for. You can't judge a book by it's cover.

MS: Let's talk fashion, give us the 411 on your clothing line.

TL: I'm doing this collab with Pin-Up Girl Clothing so I got to take my new "Beat It Creep" shirts to the festival. I also wore two samples of my Traci Dress which is a red halter just below the knees in homage to my Wanda dress from Cry-Baby. The fans were really delighted and supportive, they squealed, they loved getting a glimpse of Wanda! The week before I thought "I can't possibly host this event with John Waters without the Traci Dress."

MS: When first I heard about your clothing line I was intrigued. Is it based on Wanda?

                                                           Traci as Wanda 
                                                              In Cry-Baby

TL: The line isn't really based on Wanda, I realized Pin-Up Girl and myself have the same fan base. My female fans who love Wanda tend to dress up in more retro/pin-up inspired clothing. All these women are looking for empowerment, some sort of strong female bad ass prototype. Wanda has become such an icon for rockabilly/punk/pin-up scene, she just really is. I'm not kidding, I have my little baby Wanda's who are six years old that I have pictures of and those little girls they just love the songs. John made Cry-Baby so musical and so much fun to sing with, kids just love that! 

Then I have the women with tattoos and they're dressed like a pin-up. They are straight women who have families and all that, and they all want me to sign their breasts, every one of them. They say "just sign right here on my cleavage" so there are all these women walking around with gorge dresses on with my name across their breasts (laughs) It's really funny it's like "OK, right on!" - over the years it's really wild, men and women show up with my name tattoo'd on their bodies where I've signed it, I'm thinking "tattoos are forever are you sure you want to do that?!" (both laugh) The clothes I am doing with Pin-Up Girl are day wear, like that cool skirt with the hip/retro vibe that's ready to wear and you don't have to squash your body into. I'm not a large woman, but I am all legs and have a short torso, so it seems like everything always has to be moved to fit right, and I was tired of squeezing my boobs into dresses to make them work. This idea came from a desire to have clothes that were custom made for me and women like me that look amazing and aren't made for a twenty year old. These clothes are for women who want to look cool, elegant and sexy in their forties.

MS: Tell me about "Swedish Dicks."

TL: Peter Stormare and his partner own a detective agency and they had the bad luck of opening it across the street from my agency. My character sees herself as the finest detective in all of Los Angeles, I think I have the biggest dick of all! 

MS: You might! (both laughing)

TL: I know! She has a little bit of Jane Lynch from "Glee," she's very blunt about what she says and uses all of her feminine wiles to get what she wants. She is such a fun part to play. It's dark comedy with off quirky little bits here and there as well.

Traci, Gunnar & Jeff

MS: I have to ask about "Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre"...

TL: My husband rented it I haven't seen it yet, it's on my list. My son watched, this is horrible but this is what happens when I'm out of town, My husband and my son watched "Sharknado" I'm worried about Gunnar being afraid. Gunnar then told me about it when I got home "It was the stupidest, most hilarious movie I have ever seen, the shark went flying through the air and ate this guy and only his legs were left, and there was what looked like paint from my paint set!" He just thought it was hilarious! With "Sharkansas" I think what I'm going to do...he can see the parts that I'm in with Corey Landis because we are the detectives, that was actually a really fun role to play, but some of the cheesy stuff with the prison girls, I think we will go ahead and edit that out.(laughs)

MS: He stole the show on "Celebrity Wife Swap."

TL: He thinks he's a TV Star because of that, it's just hilarious! He tells me, this is just so funny that his plan is he wants to be a scientist. What he tells me he is going to do is graduate High School and make one or two movies so that he can finance his career (both laugh) this is his plan! Which made me laugh, it's less work for me!

MS: You will be jetting of to Williamsburg, VA soon for "Scares That Care."

TL: Yes, it's a 501 non-profit, it's a really great one. All of the money from it goes to helping families who are facing serious hardships, things that are insurmountable like a family member who has cancer. It's all 100% volunteer, nobody is paid salary or anything like that. The money really makes a difference. All ticket sales all the money goes to the people who need it. I've never been to Williamsburg it's supposed to be a very cool place historically, I'm looking forward to that. 

MS: I feel that if you are in a position or have a platform to help you should. The more open I am to that the better I feel.

TL: Especially when it hits that close to home. I am sure it doesn't surprise you that I had a lot of hardship in my family when I was growing up. There was nothing like "Scares That Care" at the time to help. Children Of The Night is another organization that is near and dear to my heart, it helps young girls really transform their lives. It's really important, human trafficking is really a big deal Los Angeles is the hub of it, it's unbelievable and not sexy. You are talking about young girls who are having their lives taken away from them.

MS: You've got a lot going on, all the best on the clothing line.

TL: Here's a fun little factoid, my old friend Shirley Manson of Garbage, used to be with a band called Angel Fish that was on the same label I was Radioactive Records. She just Tweeted me a couple of days ago that she wanted a pink and a black "Beat It Creep" T-shirt. I'm very flattered that she wants to wear them.

MS: By the way I would love to have one of the men's T-shirts.

TL: I think that can be arranged. (laughs)

Traci on the net:
https://twitter.com/thetracilords?lang=en
https://www.facebook.com/tracilords
https://www.instagram.com/tracilords/

Pin-Up Girl Clothing:
https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/