Freaky Friday

Angelina Jolie

"But where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here" - Send in the Clowns

Lately the song Send in the Clowns has been occupying various regions of my cerebral cortex. For quite obvious reasons I don't need to spell out for you I am sure. Well I decided to get all Freaky Friday on you today and post some images of celebrities made-up as Evil Clowns. I feel they are quite vogue at present.

Enjoy!

Gwen Stefani 

Russell Brand 

Johnny Depp

Evil Clown on Wikipedia -

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_clown  

Michael's Musings

I Wanna Be A Vampire...
Michael Shinafelt

"The bats have left the bell tower, The victims have been bled, Red velvet lines the black box, Bela Lugosi's dead" - Bela Lugosi's Dead, Bauhaus

I suck, you suck, we all suck...take this however you choose, literally, figuratively or horizontally. The choice is yours to make, are you up for it?

This week I am letting loose my inner Vampire. Hey, it's the season to be, scary and sexy. Did you know one of the things Angelina Jolie and I had in common when we were children? We both wanted to be Vampires when we grew up, suck on that, go ahead don't be afraid...

I have a research file, I have questions

The truth is somewhere in the heat of the day, the cold of the night, the gray in your brain

Redrum by numbers 1,2,3... (Police fans will get this one)

I'm elegantly Satan

By the pricking of my thumb, look, there's an evil f#cking Nun

Me and Linus still believe in the Great Pumpkin. Eff you Charlie Brown

And then there's Cardi B and her AIDS comment, out damned c#nt (apologies to William Shakespeare)

Truth or Dare? Really which one do you choose? Call me.

Did you know there is a horror movie based on The Banana Splits on the SyFy Network this Saturday? "Yes" it's totally legit, DVR set.

Woman Crush of the Week - Catherine Deneuve in "The Hunger" forever, and ever...

These bats were made for flying, and that's just what they'll do

Number please, Transylvania 6500! 

Soap drop & bend over, is the new bend & snap

When you feel dirty, roll in it, just add mud

This is not a drill, it's my life with the Thrill Kill Kult at: 
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Got Milk?

Angelina Jolie

I have always had a fascination with the "Got Milk?" ads. As a non milk drinker (ugh!) this hard sell campaign featured celebrities at their most silly.

Can you imagine how over the moon I was that I came across this doozy with Angelina Jolie promoting Tomb Raider?! I love surfing the WWW because of the random things that I find while researching something else, it's awesome!

Thus with Maleficent: Mistress of Evil coming at ya October 18th I couldn't resist running this gem that is downright, well, goofy AF. 

Honestly though it does not look like Jolie posed for an actual "Got Milk?" ad. It does look like the studio took a still of her as Lara Croft and submitted it to the campaign to give the movie a PR boost.

Hmmmmmmm....I wonder if Disney will follow suit and we will see Jolie as Maleficent with a milk moustache? Now that's entertainment!

Angelina on IMDb:
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001401/?ref_=nv_sr_5?ref_=nv_sr_5

Freaky Friday

Fangtastic!
Angelina Jolie

"When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire" - Angelina Jolie

You know those times when you are surfing the WWW and you come across something unexpected? Well today is one of those times for me, thus I hereby decree it to be a Freaky Friday state of mind.

For some reason know only to an algorithm a photo of Angelina Jolie as a Vampire came up in one of my searches. It was so striking that I saved it and foisted it upon my minions today, right here, right now.

Not to mention it fits perfectly with a quote from Ms. Jolie herself about her childhood aspiration to become a blood sucking freak. To be honest her and I had the same lofty goal as kids. "Yes" I to wanted to be a creature of the night.

Combined with the fact that the Maleficent sequel is opening soon, October 18, 2019 to be exact. It's a Freaky Friday concoction too delicious not to imbibe...!!!

Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary... say it three times and see what happens.

Angelina on Wikipedia -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angelina_Jolie  

Comi-Con 2019: The Eternals

Surprise!
Angelina Jolie

So what kind of monster would I be if I didn't acknowledge the one of the biggest, most influential entertainment spectacles on the planet Comi-Con in San Diego? What kind of monster would I be? I'm asking you? Come on you lovers of the fantastic, surely you can come up with something???

Lucky for you, you won't have to as I am giving a wink and a nod to it by posting this pic of Angelina Jolie swooping down on the convention Maleficent style to surprise all you comic loving monkeys.

Now Ms. Jolie I suppose was there in part to promote the upcoming sequel to Maleficent, but she had something even more devilish planned. "Yes" Angelina revealed she is soon to become part of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe for the uninitiated) - she will be portraying Thena in The Eternals.

Like me you are most likely scratching something on your being and asking "WTF is an Eternal?!" fear not her is the explanation straight from IMDb's mouth: 

"The saga of the Eternals, a race of immortal beings who lived on Earth and shaped its history and civilizations."

Alrighty then. The Eternals is set for release on November 6th 2020, seems like almost an eternity...Ha!

The Eternals on IMDb -
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9032400/?ref_=nv_sr_1?ref_=nv_sr_1  

Hump Day & Chill

Raise A Glass, Now Kiss My...
Angelina Jolie

Today I've got chills, they're multiplying...usually I have reserved today for a delicious side of man meat. But today I cam craving a different kind of "chill" the one belonging to the world of adult beverages. The martini to be exact.

"Yes" passing by landmark Hollywood restaurant Musso and Frank reminded me of days of yore when I spent time on the Blvd., Hollywood that is seeing movies almost every weekend at the Grauman's Chinese Theater and then sauntering down to M & F for a gin martini with two olives.

Gin was my jam, a vodka martini almost seemed like an amateur concoction and a two martini chill @ Musso's was a quadruple treat. That's correct minions when the bartender made them while you watched there was always an extra something more that he poured into a side decanter that made it equal two, thus two for one! Trust only a couple of rounds and my boots were made for more than walking.

So join moi and Ms. Angelina Jolie and raise a glass and "Chill" - because it's "Hump Day" after all...

For those about to rock, I salute you!

Musso and Frank on the WWW:

http://mussoandfrank.com/ 

Monday Motivation

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie

After a weekend of massive errands, work and the endless Pride Parade I need much motivation and today that takes on the form of caffeine, you know, coffee.

"Yes" I know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are no longer together. "Duh" I also know this is a publicity still for Mr. & Mrs. Smith. All that being stated this is about Monday Motivation, not current celebrity commentary minions.

What better way to motivate me than eye candy. The former love birds shot in glorious black & white, each engaging in a cup of java is perfection, no? I asked you, and I'm waiting for an answer...seriously, speak up!

It's time for me to say so long, farewell...the kitchen is alive with the sound of brewing!

Yep, I am outta her, the thirst is real.

Coffee on the WWW:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_coffee   

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Shoot That Poison Arrow
Alicia Vikander

The reboot of Tomb Raider opens today, thus I bring you this striking image of Alicia Vikander aka Lara Croft poised and ready to hit you with her best shot, bow & arrow style.

While I did see the original with Angelina Jolie I will be sitting this one out. Why? It has nothing to do with Vikander, it has to do with my taste changing. There was a time I would go see pretty much anything I was such a rabid movie goer. Well things have changed and I no longer have time for that.

Translation: Most movies are not that great and or can be viewed in the comfort of your own home. I am quite choosy about what I will spend $$$ on to go see in a theater...and guess what action films are not really my thing. They have to have more layers to them than fancy stunts and set pieces to entice this guy. Since most of them are that and only that, you get the pic.

Digressing a little I do like Vikander, she is a top notch actress and if anyone can breathe life into the role of Lara Croft it's her.

Best wishes Alicia I wish you all the success in the world with this, I however will wait for you next drama. 

Mic drop!

Alicia on IMDB:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2539953/ 

Paint It Black

Gal Gadot

Last night's Golden Globes were underwhelming at best, yeah there were a few great moments, but for the most part... However Hollywood did deliver on a rumored promise that all the stars would be wearing black to make a statement against sexual abuse in the Entertainment industry and beyond. 

The red carpet was black last night in what proved to be the most intriguing part of the awards show.

In solidarity, today I am running photos from the event of stars in their finest black. #TimesUp  #MeToo 

Angelina Jolie & Son Pax

l-r
Reese Witherspoon, Eva Longoria, Salma Hayek & Ashley Judd

Sharon Stone & Son Roan 

Only 1 Week Until Halloween!!!

Angelina Jolie

Between the remake of IT and American Horror Story: Cult evil clowns are all the rage for Halloween 2017.

I decided to Google "celebrities as evil clowns" and boy did I come up with some scary ones! To celebrate the imminent arrival of All Hallows Eve next week I decided to post a few of my favorite  images of celebs re-imagined as clowns that make you go yikes!

Proceed at your own peril!

Ryan Reynolds

George Clooney

Beyonce

Follow the link below to more Evil Celebrity Clowns on PopDust.com, I double dog dare you!
https://www.popdust.com/29-of-your-favorite-celebrities-reimagined-as-really-evil-clowns-1889907031.html

Michael's Musings

"Life ain't so bad at all If you live it off the wall" -
Off The Wall, Michael Jackson
Michael Shinafelt

This week Harvey Weinstein is the new blue, as in blue balled. My smart phone both disturbs and fascinates me. Angelina Jolie is still, what else? Winning!

Shall we play games?

"The Weinstein story should be less about him, and more about the hundreds of men who knew, and did nothing" - Tony Tripoli, Comedian

Just when you thought your smart phone couldn't get any creepier and omniscient, upgrades happen

My favorite quote from Margaret Cho's Fresh Off The Bloat tour that I attended last week: "Jesus was a rape baby!" Think about it, but not too much

Night calling, wine wankers

Just use your safe word and make him go away

Take a stand for LGBTQ youth next Thursday October 19th and go purple.

Reading is fundamental, seriously people

Now for something entirely different? A homeless man panhandled me for a pair of shorts yesterday rather than money

Angelina Jolie on the cover of Harper's Bazaar, winning!

When I was a kid I used to crush on witches. While waiting in line for a haunted house with my Dad I even told the one who was entertaining everyone while they were waiting she was pretty and asked to kiss her. "Yes" she had warts and green skin, she was beautiful.

Coming next year another installment of, well the infamous Halloween series with original star Jamie Lee Curtis returning. I can't wait! 

Why the F#ck would you even desire a virgin cocktail?! If you want that you might as well have H20

Every time you touch yourself an angel dies. This should make it perfectly clear there are no such beings.

Dear White People...never mind

You know how to follow, just click on the links below....

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt    

Remember Your First Time? The Golden Globes

Do you remember your first time watching the Golden Globes? Hell maybe you've even attended them. For the record I have no recollection of when I popped my GG cherry. That being stated I know I have been watching them for what feels like forever, and I plan to, tonight. 

So I thought to myself what better way to celebrate them by running a few photos of some big name stars first time at the rodeo. Happy Globe Day! 

Julia Roberts 1989
Nominated For:
Steel Magnolias

Leonardo DiCaprio 1994
Nominated For:
What's Eating Gilbert Grape

Tom Hanks W/Shelley Long 1988
Winner For:
Big

Angelina Jolie 1998
Winner For:
George Wallace

Click on the link for all things "Golden" at:

www.goldenglobes.com/entertainment-news/2017-golden-globe-awards

Michael's Musings

Look Into My Eyes & Stop Staring At My Nipples
Michael Shinafelt

OK, I called this column Michael's Monday Musings last time, well because they were published on a F#@king Monday. 

From now on I will simply call it Michael's Musings. You never know when and where they will turn up. Are you ready? Here I go again!!! 

Thanks to a well played PR stunt on Dancing With The Stars Ryan Lochte and Cheryl Burke remain. Like they would actually have Burke kicked immediately off after her return to the show?!

If you haven't seen Don't Breathe yet and are a horror/suspense fan, from one to another, I highly recommend it, go!

To Sex-Head, I mean E.G. Daily currently starring in Rob Zombie's 31, congratulations! To the rest of you see it, see it!

I heard a Latin Woman call a Latin Man "N" word pimp the other day. Thanks Donald Trump for the perpetuating of twisted hate.

I recently dumped 13 pounds. Worship me, I am 50.

Why is everyone forgetting Angelina Jolie is Bisexual all of the sudden?

American Horror Story Season 6 is off to quite the lively start. I jumped twice! Can't wait for tonight's episode.

The humidity in Los Angeles this week is grody to the max!

 A shout out to Volcano Girl Shani Bayne who recently returned from Nicaragua producing a shoot in a, well, volcano. We met up for spin class for the first time in over a month yesterday,she had no lava burns or lamps.

To my favorite "bad girl" Ms. Traci Lords. Looking forward to attending the launch of your clothing line for Pin-Up Girl this Friday at the boutique in Burbank. 

That's all folks!

Follow me on Twitter at:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

Reese Witherspoon Sprinkles Fairy Dust

Don't Make Me Dust You! Reese Witherspoon

Do you believe in fairies? If so clap your hands, Reese Witherspoon is set to produce and star in Tink. Tink will be a live action story based on the temperamental character Tinker Bell from Peter Pan.

Much like Angelina Jolie in Maleficent, Tink is supposed to give viewers insight into "the story you don't know," and will offer a new perspective on our favorite Disney fairy.

Reese will be an awesome Tinker Bell! But please Reese, don't wear boots.

Reese on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000702/?ref_=fn_nm_nm_1

Have A "Dandy" Friday

Dandy Mott: Send In The Clown

Alright all of you American Horror Story: Freak Show fans like me. While I do not find this installment particularly scary I do find it bizarre, off the wall and unpredictable.

I also have a dark confession to make. Dandy Mott is my favorite character that inhabits the Freak Show universe. 

This past weeks episode was especially enlightening as to his homicidal ways. The fact that he started off killing kittens as a child was a nice touch and a sly reference to serial killer Luka Magnotta.

Obviously the only thing truly Dandy about this motley psycho is his crazy sense of entitlement when it come to offing people. He feels like it was what he was put on this earth to kill whoever and whatever he pleases, as if he could put it on his resume' when applying for a job. 

Pssssssssst! If you did not see this past weeks episode you might not want to read past here...yes I mean it, right here, don't do it, do it at your own risk. I bet you are going to keep reading even if you haven't. 

Yes, Dandy offed his mother Gloria in an OMG moment on this weeks episode, that's correct Frances Conroy is gone, a moment of silence please. OK time to carry on. 

The closing scene of the show was especially dark and nasty, as we see Dandy bathing in a tub of his deceased mother's blood.

Well, if ya think that's disturbing Finn Wittrock, the actor who portrays Dandy says that things are just going to get worse.

"I'll just tell you that the next one, I think his body count might double," Wittrock told me earlier today while promoting his new movie, Unbroken, the Angelina Jolie -directed World War II drama.  "The next one really, honestly takes the cake. Even I'm scared."

Personally I'm not scared, I can't wait till Wednesday December 10th to get my Dandy Mott fix!

Enjoy The Horror at: https://www.facebook.com/americanhorrorstory

It's "Freak Show" Friday !

Step Right Up, It's Time For The "Freak Show"

I contemplated doing a post about some wedding that happened this past weekend, but honestly while I would like to congratulate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, I find the latest promotional teasers for American Horror Story: Freak Show more exciting!

Although I must also give Brad and Angelina credit for being clever enough to have their wedding on a weekend while a major awards show, The Emmy's, was happening to help keep it hush hush and under the radar and all.

These promos are getting me really excited for October 8th on FX. In case you didn't know the month of Halloween and all things spooky is my Christmas and I'd like to thank the powers that be for giving us horror fans this present for the past three years, and now a fourth.

Looking at the image recently released by The Hollywood Reporter above sends my imagination into overdrive.

Here's hoping that Tod Browning's Freaks plays a major influence on this "Freak Show!"

Check out the latest freaky teaser trailer below. I can't wait!

Get your "Freak Show" on at: https://www.facebook.com/americanhorrorstory  

Come On Eileen

Eileen Davidson

OK, I am going to let you all in on a little secret, I am outing myself as a fan of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I do not watch any other of the "Housewives" shows but this one.

Why? Well the initial draw was the Richards Sisters, they are part of of the fabric of my memories growing up. Kim Richards was on Nanny and the Professor and in one of my favorite childhood films, Escape To Witch Mountain.

Kyle Richards was in the first horror movie I was ever taken to and remains one of my favorites today, John Carpenter's Halloween as Lindsey Wallace, the little girl Jamie Lee Curtis protects from the face of pure evil Michael Myers. 

Not to mention my introduction to one of the best Queen B's ever, Lisa Vanderpump. Well Lisa lookout your throne is facing some big competition in the form of Eileen Davidson, yep the Soap Opera Queen has a gun and is coming to take you down!

Eileen joins the fold for season 5 and comes armed with some major Queen B cred not only was she on Days of Our Lives which I never watched, she was also on my favorite and only Soap Opera I ever watched in my youth The Young and the Restless.

Her portrayal as the conniving Ashley Abbott (and however she hyphenated her last name on the show several times over) was awesome! I was completely mesmerized by this talented beauty.

She also had a passionate affair with Actor, Jon Voight and nearly became Angelina Jolie's Stepmother and signed onto season 5 of RHOBH for a first season record of $750,000!!!

Take that Vanderpump!

Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is set to air this fall, I can't wait!

Get "Real" at: http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills

Angelina & Brad Sitting In A Tree...

Sizzling! 

In what will be their first on screen pairing since Mr. & Mrs. Smith also known as When Brad Pitt Left Jennifer Aniston - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pairing up for a love story that Angie wrote.

Details are scarce, and no title has been given, Jolie said this about it "It's the kind of movie we love but aren't often cast in. It's a very experimental, independent-type film where we get to be actors together and be really raw, open, try things." 

The mind reels at what that could mean, an experimental romantic comedy, perhaps with the title The Taming Of The Maleficent ? or is it more along the lines of  Blue Valentine ? 

Filming starts in Malta the end of August and their kids will be in tow.

Yep, Malta prepare to be invaded by the Jolie-Pitts!

I for one will definitely be seeing this.

Jolie on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001401/?ref_=fn_nm_nm_1

Pitt on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001401/?ref_=fn_nm_nm_1

All Hail Angelina Jolie

All Hail "Maleficent"

C'mon you all know you want to get down in a movie theater this Friday with Maleficent, starring the perfectly cast Angelina Jolie, yes, yes you do and so do I!

I have to say I am excited to see Jolie play the biggest Disney villain ever and transform into a Drag Queen, I mean Dragon, but really let's face it Maleficent is a DQ as a well as a bad ass and I am not talking Dairy Queen. 

When I first saw Angelina on the big screen it was for her Oscar winning role in  Girl Interrupted and during her press rounds pimping her turn as Maleficent she had this to say about it:

"I really, genuinely thought I was the only character who was sane in the entire film. And if you watch it closely, that's exactly how I was playing it: I am just the only sane person here. I was actually almost upset when people said I was so good at playing insane because I never thought she was insane. She was just incredibly honest, which, I guess, made her seem crazy."

Hey she will always be Angelina no matter what and that's why her fans love her.

Maleficent opens Friday, All Hail Angelina Jolie

Cutthroat & Shinafelt "At The Movies"

Cutthroat & Shinafelt "At The Movies"

In the tradition of "Siskel & Ebert" "Ebert & Roeper" comes "Cutthroat & Shinafelt At The Movies"...

Yes, the resident "Burlesque Biotch" and Bonaparte band member on "Entertain Me" Clea Cutthroat has agreed to discuss five upcoming summer movies with yours truly. It's time for "Cutthroat & Shinafelt At The Movies" In this case the balcony never closes and it's always showtime at the edge of the stage...

1) Maleficent

CC: This is a win-win in my book. A fierce evil bitch, with a bad ass head piece & perfect complexion played by Angelina Jolie. Even if the script sucks, you're sure to score some fabulous makeup tips for your next goth party, fetish event, or Halloween bash. (Who am I kidding !?! I would rock that head gear strolling the supermarket with stilettos at 3 in the afternoon, LOL) All Hail Maleficent!

MS: Maleficent is the best Disney bitch ever! She kicks the Evil Queens ass from Snow White, after all she can turn into a dragon and the Evil Queen can only turn into some old hag who hands out poison apples.

2) 22 Jump Street

CC: You lost me at 22. I may live in Berlin now, and have no idea what this is...but I don't even wanna google it. Is "22" the clever idea of a sequel to that hot-mess remake of 21 Jump Street? I'd rather spend the night exfoliating. 

MS: Me? I'd rather have my ball hairs burnt off than be subjected to this.

3) Transformers: Age Of Extinction

CC: Must I really? The title says it all: "Age of Extinction". Transformers, please go away. 

MS: I heard Michael Bay added nostrils to the Transformers this time so they can snort cocaine.

4) Jupiter Ascending

CC: I think that we should take the money that we saved from not seeing 22 blah blah, Transformers, and this movie and go to Disneyland!!! We can kidnap hot sexy Mila, all take pics with Maleficent together & get high before going into the Haunted House. Score!

Ok...Disney is still a bit more expensive than the entrance for 3 movies put together...but, we could at least go to the bar.  First round of margaritas on me! (Mila's got the second round for sure ;)

MS: Yeah! Margaritas and Mila, good times!

5) Sex Tape

CC: Whereas "22 Jump Street" lost me at it's title, this movie has already made a giant fan out of me. Two of my favorite things: "sex" and "tape".

Hmmmm, I would say more, but now I can only think about sex.

Well, regardless if I go on a date by myself, or with someone else, this film should surely lend itself to a "happy ending".

Two thumbs....waaaay up. Pun completely intended ;)

MS: My boyfriend and I made one of those, and we watch it when we...Hey, why watch strangers when you can let your inner narcissist out and get off on yourselves?

XOXO,

Clea Cutthroat

Join Clea In The Balcony & For Margaritas at:

https://www.facebook.com/CocktailsWithClea 

https://twitter.com/CleaCutthroat