Michael's Musings

Give It A Name
Michael Shinafelt

"Come on everybody, I say now let's play a game, I betcha I can make a rhyme out of any body's name. The first letter of the name' I treat it like it wasn't there" - The Name Game, Shirley Ellis 

For some random, yet most likely not one this song came into my mind this particular week. I am not about or above calling names when they are deserved. However I am responding to the timelessness of this song and it's many interpretations. Especially the iconic performance of Jessica Lange's rendition of it on American Horror Story: Asylum.

This week we play the name game.

Male sure you always wear underwear. You don't want your "V" on TMZ. 

Don't make me unleash the powers of the underworld  

New Acronym DAB = Dense Ass Beotch 

I'd like to indict on more than three pubic hairs and a confession

Sometimes you need to do push-ups with someone on your back

Porn for the paranoid 

Seriously?! Who Dressed You?!
Mariah Carey

Dear Mariah, WTF?! Get a new stylist and some glasses that are preferably not rose colored

Traci Lords coming soon in "Swedish Dicks"

I have something most guys don't 

I played an online avatar game where you push Donald Trump off a cliff into a volcano, laughed every time I did it, I couldn't keep track of how many times that was

Sometimes: "You kicked my ass" is always the correct response 

My name is Hyena I am 26

Go Balls Out with me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
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Michael's Musings

Give Me A Hand
Michael Shinafelt

OK, you know what's coming don't you??? This week can kiss my Covfefe! This is the first and last time I will ever post that "word" publicly. I have made many a vulgar text to friends of mine regarding it, but that's between me, them and our cell phones.

Let's get topical!

So sorry to hear one of my favorite people Olivia Newton-John's cancer has returned. Sending my love.

Also sorry to hear about the passing of my friend, singer Mike Clifford's cousin Elena Verdugo of Marcus Welby M.D. fame.

For the record I can't stand Donald Trump, but do not condone Kathy Griffin's attention whore move. Also I can't stand Kathy either.

At this point in my musings do now get why this week can kiss my Covfefe?

On this weeks Pretty Little Liars...Aria was a twat, but I felt the Alison and Emily love! 

Sun Kissed
Darren Criss

Nothing to perk you up like a nearly naked selfie of Darren Criss 

Is your wig squeezing your head too tight, heifer?

Some guy living out of a trailer on the street asked me if I wanted to get high this week. The more you know.

Sea Cucumber ovaries, it's what's for dinner

You will have broccoli, after U By Kotex (inside joke) - 

I wonder if wearing a romper would make my ass look huge?

Have a Covfefe with me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Michael's Musings

Rebel Yell
Michael Shinafelt

In the Reality TV era of which I am a complicit participant, there are many things to consider. One of them should not be the dumbing down of people's minds. Translation: we should get what it's all about and not make it our reality.

Alas that is not true, witness the current state of affairs and who got elected POTUS and why.

Personally I can differentiate the "reality" of media from the realness of life, too bad most people can't. Shall we proceed? 

What a kick Melania Trump had to nudge The Orange Butt Plug of the US to put his hand on his heart during the Pledge Of Allegiance. If she doesn't have her Green Card already, hand her one for this.

Remember there are always going to be Weebles on the rag

Pinata Back Pack!

I fucking love Snapped on the Oxygen Network!

The press has announed that Fleetwood Mac tickets are going to be $800 on their upcoming tour. I love them, but not that much. (luckily I have seen them when ticket prices weren't a mortgage) 

Cheap airfare tip - United Airlines

Andy Cohen, Eileen Davidson & Bunny
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion part deux - aka bitch better have my bunny!

Pretty Little Liars returned with a vengeance. If you don't like it, well bite me, I do.

Hugs & Kisses to my friend Jackie Kilmer

Roach free water, delightful 

Dildos, instead of rubber bands will be used in spin class today. Not really. One can dream, can't one???

When you wish upon a star, it's worth a try...

Always remember when you annoy someone in an anonymous sort of way, Satan will take care of that.

I'm Hellbent for leather, does that frighten you?

I'm as real as it gets at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Michael's Musings

Spin Bike Porn
Michael Shinafelt

Are you scratching your collective heads about the above image and caption? Well let me strap one on and extrapolate.

Those of you who take a spin class on a regular basis get what I mean, for the uninitiated here we go. Everyone no matter who they are have their favorite bike when they enter the spin room, in my case this takes place at Gold's Gym Hollywood (they should pay my ass for all my internet mentions of them.)

I have two favorite instructors there, Jessica & Michelle, and guess what? I like the same bike all the time. Now don't get me wrong, if someone arrives before me and snags it, I can move on and not get bent. But that never happens, because I get there early enough to insure my place in the universe.

So the image above is me showing affection for my favorite spin bike in the room with a tongue bath. Let's move on, I know you want to....

United Airlines, moving on...

Oral tops & waffle makers

Hey Guys & Dolls, this Easter I wish you the biggest basket

Hagsploitation - I never thought a limited series on FX named Feud would introduce me to my new favorite term.

There's no gray in Sonja Morgan's gardens. Dye it's not just for Easter eggs

A woman named Ida Lickhammer gave a like to one of my Instagram posts this week. Yes, really.

That time in spin class (you know, on my favorite bike) you mistake a Michael Jackson song for a Britney Spears one. Yeah, that really happened.

Here comes Peter Cottontail, I hope he cleans up after himself

To all the RHOBH fans out there. Look what I saw this past week DTLA

Erika Jayne's Husband Tom Girardi's
Law Office

Why are Donald Trump and Augustus Gloop never in the same room?!

This Saturday I will be attending a performance of Bella Gaia, which has been described as "poetry in motion" with Maresa Wickham. Thanks Lynn Tejada

Quote of the Week: "I don't fuck much with the past, but I fuck plenty with the future" - Patti Smith

Give it a name, but not mine

Mike Clifford, Mike Clifford, Mike Clifford - https://www.facebook.com/Mike-Cliffords-Wonderful-World-878305508977287/

When you think of me, follow me, here:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

Michael's Musings

Don't Bother Me I'm In Leather
Michael Shinafelt

As I sit at my computer finishing off a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, my mind starts to wander and wonder - WTF is happening to the world?!

Sometimes I retreat to my Purple Room for solace. This week has sort of been the week I tuned a lot of the static out. One must do that these days on occasion to keep ones sanity.

Right now the only vision dancing in my head is that of hitting spin class tomorrow morning. That means this weeks thoughts may be a little tainted with a view from my bubble. That's the way it goes!

The La La Land awards, I mean Academy Awards are this Sunday. Note to self: Stock up on the wine.

Speaking of wine, just had a lovely evening drinking it and having nosh with Scott Jacobs, thus the glass I am finishing up.

Is Caitlyn Jenner the ambassador on behalf of the LGBT community to the Agent Orange administration? I thought they already filled the position of narcissist reality show star in the White House.

I still have to watch the premiere of the final season of Bates Motel, just sayin'...

Fuck the rain, I'm over it! 

Trump officially rescinds Obama's protection of transgender students. Where are the backwoods Hillbilly's from Deliverance when you need them?

Hey America, clean up on aisle 45, there's a pile of shit.

Feud
Joan Crawford & Bette Davis
Eden Sassoon & Lisa Rinna

Weirdest reality show feud ever? Lisa Rinna & Eden Sassoon on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It's pretty Freudian. 

If you could teleport yourself by blinking your eyes ... where would you go right now?

"When you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. It may take seconds to say, but for them, it could last a lifetime"

What's your safe word? Mine is flan.

And with that revelation I am off this electronic device and onto another one.

Bare witness to me at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt   

A Gay, a Muslim and a Jew...

This One's For You Donald Trump!
l-r Gay, Jew, Muslim

Walked into Nordstrom and then hit the White House to give the finger to Donald Trump. Well, they actually did.

In the wake of  Nordstrom dropping Ivanka Trump's line and incurring the wrath of Orange Cosby Chelsea Handler and friends (a Gay and a Muslim) hit the department store with glee and then got photographic evidence of it outside the White House.

Many other celebrities have followed suit tweeting about hitting Nordstrom too, but you know Chelsea she had to outdo them all, and did.

She also tweeted out this gem in retaliation to the Bitch Baby of the United States regarding his Ivanka & Nordstrom tantrum:

"Trump says his daughter has been treated ‘so unfairly’ by Nordstrom. Oh, was she detained for 19 hours when she tried to enter the store?"

Brilliant! Keep them coming Handler! 

Tweet with Chelsea at:
https://twitter.com/chelseahandler

Michael's Musings

Turn & Face The Strange
Michael Shinafelt

Hello lovely beings! This week it's time we turn to face the strange. In both ways literally, strange is good when it is inclusive, but when it is exclusive, well you know how that goes, right "President" Trump.

Yeah, I wanted to use a few more choice words, but I chose to take the high road.

OK, enough of my preaching, here we go!!!

Anyone watching Taboo on FX? I am, I like it! It also doesn't hurt that Tom Hardy is 
H-O-T!

Immigration Ban? Where the fuck did you come from Dumpster????

I want whatever meds Winona Ryder is on,

Try not to be a Twatsicle 

Eat Cheeseburgers & Make Love

I saw LeAnn Rimes this past weekend with Ken Phillips, amazing! She closed with a cover of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, I still hear it in my head. 

Sometimes you have to GROI! Get Rid Of It.

Margaret Cho & Myself
Fashion Police
Photo: Ken Phillips

Hung with Margaret Cho on the set of Fashion Police this past week. Yeah, I know how to have a good time.

Come hither I like to lick, a lot!

"Beauty and femininity are ageless" - Marilyn Monroe 

What kind of a world do we live in when auto-correct tries to change something you wrote into Blake Lively???

I'm eating healthier and working out, aren't you happy?

Yeah, that is enough. Done.

Come to me, I am here at:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/MShinafelt  

Ian Harvie Wins!

Beat It Creep!
Ian Harvie
Photo:
Lorenzo Hodges

Stand-Up Comedian/Actor Ian Harvie is no stranger to Entertain Me. Ian participated in a two, yes two part interview with yours truly about being transgender. In case you missed it, you can check our chat out at these links:

http://mshinafelt.blogspot.com/2015/05/can-we-talk-ian-harvie-part-i.html
http://mshinafelt.blogspot.com/2015/05/can-we-talk-ian-harvie-part-ii.html

Since then Ian has been busy! Playing "Dale" on Amazon's Transparent, to guesting on the ABC soapy drama Mistresses as "Michael". His hilarious comedy special titled: "MAY THE BEST COCK WIN" just landed on SEESO. In honor of that I chose to have some fun with my buddy Ian by shooting him 10 random things, which he graciously responded to. Ready? Of course you are, minions!

May The Best Cock Win
Ian Harvie
Photo: SEESO 

MS: May The Best Cock Win 
IH: GRAMMY LOL

MS: Stand-Up 

IH: THEN JUMP

MS: Sex

IH: STILL SIZZLIN'

MS: Mistresses 

IH:  LOWERED MY VOICE 

MS: Donald Trump 

IH: IVE NEVER PRAYED FOR AN ASSASSIN, UNTIL..

MS: Paisley 

IH: PRINCE

MS: Transparent 

IH:  SWEET JILL 

MS: Kale 

IH: SALAD AT BEACHWOOD CAFE

MS: Disneyland 

IH: NOPE

MS:  Uni-Sex Bathrooms 

IH:  AROUND THE WORLD

Catch Ian on Social Media at:

https://www.facebook.com/comedianianharvie/?fref=ts

https://www.instagram.com/ianharvie/

https://twitter.com/ianharvie   

Michael's Musings

I'm Not Bad, I'm Just Photographed That Way
Michael Shinafelt

So 2017 is picking up a little steam this week, and IMHOP not in a good way. 

It's that time of the week again, yep, I have a weekly, for my take on everything. Here we go, here we go now, get busy!


My best advice to everyone this year? Be your own fucking star!!!!

Honestly I really don't care about Donald Trump's fixation on golden showers, so what? What bothers me is him being a sociopath.

In case you give a crack, I got a bicycle this week, Yay me!

Bicycle, Bicycle!

There will always be overrated rim job queens

My producer friend Shani Bayne accidentally included me on her production group text conversation. Girl I now know when you are sleeping and I know when you are awake.

Maresa Wickham you rock! Literally. Like me!

Good things happen when you smile, or you are naked

Meryl Streep, Meryl Streep, Meryl Streep

Quote of the Week: "I love pussy, but hate this dress" Margaret Cho commenting on Carrie Underwood's vagina dress @ The Golden Globe's on Fashion Police

Fox News said Casey Anthony won Best Actor for Manchester By The Sea at The Golden Globe's. Ummmmm, it was Casey Affleck. But Casey Anthony wins best liar who was set free for killing her baby. Her and OJ Simpson have a lot they could talk about. 

Have you ever seen Kellyanne Conway and the Gollum in the same place? Just Saying.

So long, farewell, I'm going to really miss Barack & Michelle Obama. Your legacy will never be forgotten for the correct reasons. 

Engage with me here or at:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/  

Michael's Musings

Halo
Michael Shinafelt

With only three days left of 2016 could we please not have anymore beloved celebrity deaths? Yes, Grim Reaper I'm calling you out, enough!!!

2016 how do I put this to you delicately? Fuck off! I am ready for something new, and while there are reasons to tread with extreme caution moving forward into 2017 there are a few things I am grateful to be armed with going into it, that I reclaimed this past year.

Here on the 29th of December I am giving the ultimate kiss off to 2016, I'm so over you!

Debbie Reynolds passing away the day after her daughter Carrie Fisher died. So sad.

Ringing in the New Year early with Scott Jacobs last night via wine, cheese and German Chocolate Cake, was a welcome escape.

Even though 2016 was a pretty lame year, at least Donald Trump was not President.

Speaking of which, I am shocked that Orange Cosby didn't Tweet what a "Nasty Woman" Carrie Fisher was after her passing. She did call him out as a coke addict after all.

I'm grateful to have regained my sense of self this year, I'm going to need it in 2017.

Dear Rockettes, I advise you on not doing any high kicks during your performance at Trump's inauguration. 

The people I meet out and about everyday keep my faith in humanity alive.

Hitting spin class today, as you might imagine it is much needed.

Billy Idol said it best: "With a rebel yell more, more, more!"

Middle Creek exploded because of the Beaver Dams, sounds like innuendo to me.

Just because I grab a pole on the subway and gyrate, that does not make me Nomi Malone. 

2017 does not hold a lot of promise for anything in particular but trust me when I say there are going to be a lot of surprises. That my friends is as sure of a thing that you can count on. Let's hope they err more on the side of good than awful.

Get your last Thursday of 2016 on!

Join me won't you? at:

https://twitter.com/MShinafelt

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/   

Michael's Musings

I'm Horny!!!
Michael Shinafelt

"The devil inside, the devil inside, Every single one of us the devil inside
The devil inside, the devil inside, Every single one of us the devil inside" - INXS

Yes this pretty much sums up how I am feeling today. I suspect a lot of you are in that zone too. Fasten your bondage strap, it's going to be a Hell of a ride!


La La Kent is leaving Vanderpump Rules. Considering she was the only thing interesting on the show I may stop watching. No offense Lisa Vanderpump.

I need to start doing my Christmas cards pronto. It's not that I don't care about family, friends etc., the Holiday season really holds no interest for me.

Kanye West met with Donald Trump. That says it all.

Things you should do this Holiday season, WTF you should do them all the time. Smile at  everyone you see, the response is always amazing.

My friend Jackie Kilmer has had the stomach flu, she says it makes her feel like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Blech!

"Pat The Puss" - Thank you Erika Jayne for one of my go to phrases that makes me, and several people I know happy throughout the day.

Almighty Isis! I need a housekeeper!

Dear Hollywood Chamber of Commerce - the Walk of Fame is a major tourist attraction, can't you keep that shit clean?! Refer to my image below you bastards. Freddie Mercury is tossing off in his grave. PS - good for him!!!

Dirty Star, Clean Foot

As seen on Shark Tank, I bought a Scrub Daddy sponge that I spied at Ralph's the other day. It's the most awesome sponge ever! You know you are old when a great deal on a kitchen use sponge excites you!

This weekend is my Birthday, the 18th, worship me.

Leah Remini's show on Scientology is a must see! Go Leah!!!

You know your mission this weekend, it's my Birthday, give it to me!

Follow me here:
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Michael's Musings

Naughty Guys Need Love Too
Michael Shinafelt 

Buckle up peeps your in for a bumpy ride with this week's thoughts. Are you ready? OK, let's get to it grab a pussy there's nothing to it...

Disgusting thy name is Donald Trump and the people who voted for him.

Why has no one questioned whether the election was rigged or not? If Hillary had won I am sure the orange bitch baby  would be carrying on instead of stepping down with dignity and class like Clinton did.

They should make a movie about this election and title it: Revenge of the Deplorables.

11/9/2016 Dear Diary, it was 95 degrees or more throughout the Los Angeles area. In the immortal words of Paris Hilton "That's Hot."

Kentucky Muffin, it's a thing, watch Vanderpump Rules if you don't believe me.

They should play the song Tits & Ass from a Chorus Line when Melania Trump makes appearances as First Lady.

Below the line will blow your mind

I will never experience the trauma of couch butt

Sarah Paulson's horrific accent is the scariest thing on this season's American Horror Story "Oh my God!" 

For all you straight men out there who voted for Donald Trump, congratulations you are now going to know what it's like to be f#@ked!

Today I think I will hit Subway, I feel the need to feed on something twelve inches. Sometimes I can be so ambitious. 

Catch you later!

Me on Twitter & Instagram:
https://twitter.com/MShinafelt
https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/ 

Ocean's 8, America 0

3 + 5 = 8
Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett & Rihanna

First let me say I never knew I lived in such a country that would elect someone like Donald Trump as President of the United States of America. I thought I might wake up this morning only to find it was like that one season of Dallas that turned out to be a dream. No such luck.

Honestly at this moment in my personal history I am numb. Rather than continue ruminating about my extreme disappointment and shame for the country I live in and those who just sent it into some kind of fresh hell, I will try to deflect my icky feelings a little by posting this image of Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett & Rihanna filming Ocean's 8 in New York's Central Park.

They look like they are having a blast! Their smiles are infectious, may they serve as a reminder that we still have the power to be kind to one another. We are all really going to need it these next four years.

Cheers!

Ocean's 8 on IMDB:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5164214/?ref_=nv_sr_2  

Election Day 2016

My Recent Nose Job
Michael Shinafelt

Let me start this off by saying, I've already voted. In case you could not tell by the image I posted. How about I follow that up with this election has been the biggest shit show in American History.

Seriously, we as people of the United States of America should be highly embarrassed by it. It has been a reality show that could air on the Bravo TV Network. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but in terms of government, world wide security and issues that affect people's lives, WTF?!

OK, I am now stepping down from my soapbox, not! If you vote for Donald Trump today, I'm confused. If you vote for a third party because you are so Bernie or Bust, free your mind. I'm talking to you rich and entitled Susan Sarandon who no matter what happens in this election you will still be fine. So stop trying to use your position to vote with your asshole and influence the easily swayed. Also to all you millennials who need a babysitter still, cry to mother, or better yet, try to affect a positive change in the world. 

For the most part the people of America have been treating this election year like a rebel without a clue. I hope today you get it together and do what is in the best interest of this country.

So how did I vote two weeks ago? I proudly voted for Hillary Clinton. 

Happy Election Tuesday, and Beware of pussy grabbers at the polls!

The Horror: M.E. Franco

Serving Jack Skellington's Head On A Plate
Author M.E. Franco

It's that time of the year peeps when I do my annual Halloween chat with my fellow vampire, author & horror fan M.E. Franco.

M.E. is best known as the writer behind the series of popular supernatural novels called the Dion Series, consisting of the titles: Where Will You Run?, Where Will You Hide? and Where Will You Turn?
Time to take a journey into the twisted mind of M.E. You have been warned...!

MS: What's your favorite horror related erotic fantasy?
ME: Definitely The Hunger. I'm also a fan of the Dracula movie with Frank Langella...very hot!

MS: There is currently a clown scare going on across the United States care to weigh in?

ME: That's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

MS: Freddy Kruger offers you a helping hand Pinhead offers you needlepoint, which do you choose?
ME: Pinhead is much more fun.

MS: Is "Release the Kraken" a euphemism? ME: It is for me. Heehee ;)

MS: You want to hide "Where Will You Run?"
ME: Well, not the closet, or the basement, or the abandoned house, or the hospital, or the remote cabin, or the cemetery, or the parking garage, or the barn, or the cornfield, or the summer camp, or the farm house...

MS: What monster would you put in the corner with "Baby" from Dirty Dancing?
ME: A succubus...that girl could feed a whole colony of them.

MS: Pick a succubus, the Larmia from Drag Me To Hell or Donald Trump.
ME: The succubus isn't as creepy and the Larmia has better social skills ;)

MS: Someone's knocking at your door at 10 pm with a hockey mask on, what do you do?

ME: Tell him the teenagers are next door.

MS: Have you ever seen anything that alarmed you on the wing of a plane during a flight?

ME: HA! Every time I fly, I use my best Shatner voice and say "Theeeeere's somethingontheplane." I won't ever look though. I don't want to know.

MS: You could have dinner with any five horrific figures, living, dead, fictional or non- fictional who would they be?
ME: Dracula of course (preferably Gerard Butler from Dracula 2000, yum); Pinhead (because he knows how to party), Leatherface (to carve the meat); Jigsaw (for party games); and Hannibal Lecter for his impeccable cooking and knowledge of fine wine.

Socialize with M.E. at:
https://www.facebook.com/M-E-Franco-238711609482912/
https://twitter.com/MEFranco1/status/727647182996803584